Takes place after the events of We Live in Time (so… spoilers!)
You couldn’t really sneak out of Tobias’s place early, not if Ella was home, because those two made a trek down to the chicken coop every morning. Even if you’d hid in the guest room, she would have still seen your car. There would have been questions.
You and Ella weren’t quite sure what to make of each other yet. She seemed to understand that you and Tobias were dating, and that that’s why you were sometimes still there when she woke up in the morning. But. She was a little girl who’d lost so much. The last thing you wanted was to be a stressor, so you were quick to stand back from daddy-daughter activities…
And certainly mummy-daughter activities….
As you started getting yourself together so you could head home, you noticed Ella whisper something to Tobias. He smiled, saying, “I don’t know, honey. Why don’t you ask her?”
Ella came skipping around the table to where you were sitting, pulling on your boots. “Do you want to come to the chicken coop with us?” She asked shyly.
Wide-eyed, you looked at Tobias. He shrugged, as if to say he had nothing to do with this.
You wanted to ask Ella if she was sure, but you stopped yourself. You didn’t want to gunk up her child wonder with your adult insecurities. So you just smiled big and told her the truth: “I would love to.”
“Okay, come on then!” She grasped your hand and led you out of the house. Your heart nearly stopped. You didn’t have much experience with kids. Her little hand felt fragile in yours, strangely so considering she was practically puling you behind her.
“Are you going to introduce her to the chickens, Ells?” Tobias asked, bringing up the rear.
“Yes,” she told solemnly. She turned around and looked at you. “There are five, and I will introduce you to all of them.”
You couldn’t help but laugh. “Wonderful!”
When you got down to the coop, Ella let go of your hand. She and Tobias had a well-choreographed routine. He handed her a basket, and then he put her on his shoulders.
“Ella is my official egg checker,” Tobias explained as he pulled out an egg. “How’s that one look, Ells? Good?”
“Good.”
You smiled from the periphery. It was lovely to see Tobias and Ella’s bond. You felt quite honored to be invited backstage like this. But you also weren’t quite sure what your role was. Certainly not to be some understudy or replacement for Almut, and yet the shadowy “Mum/Wife” void she’d left behind was the only place you logically fit. Just not neatly.
Ella called your name and brought you back to the present moment.
“Come here and meet the chickens!”
Tobias set her down so she could introduce you, while beaming with great pride.
“Hello, ladies,” you called into the coop. “Lovely morning we’re having, isn’t it?”
Tobias smiled at you.
“Okay Ells, I think we’ve got enough eggs.” He took the basket from her and she went off skipping ahead of you both, singing to herself, as you all made your way back to the house. It was a cool, overcast morning. The mist gave everything a touch of watercolor magic.
“Thank you for coming,” Tobias said softly. “She’s always excited to show off the chickens.”
“No, I’m glad she invited me. I know that’s a big deal….”
Because I’m not her mother. But you couldn’t say that out loud.
“Tobias…” you tried again, as you crunched through the dry grass of the countryside. “I hope you know that I don’t want to replace Almut.”
He gave your back a little rub. “I know. But this isn’t something she did with Almut, actually. It’s something we started after… everything.”
“Oh?” You looked at him in surprise and nearly stopped in your tracks.
Were you not stepping into a shadow after all?
Was Ella maybe finding a place for you in her post-Mum life?
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Takes place after the events of We Live in Time (so… spoilers!)
You were contemplating just how long you had to stay at this company dinner when Tobias walked in. And he looked good, somehow even better than when he’d been the new cutie in your department years ago. You’d always liked him in glasses, and he seemed to be wearing them more these days. He was also wearing what looked like the softest sweater imaginable. You wanted to touch it. That’s when you began to wonder exactly how much wine you’d had… and the waiter came by to fill everyone’s glasses.
You didn’t get to talk to Tobias much until after a bunch of people had left, and the musical chairs at the table put you two next to each other.
“How have you been? Feels like I haven’t seen you in ages.” He smiled and clinked his glass against yours.
“Yeah, ever since you abandoned us! The department has never been the same. No one laughs at my corny jokes any more, for one.”
“Oh, I certainly hope someone does! It’s going on eight years now.”
“Is it? Wow.” You took a sip of your wine and tried to process all that had happened to him in those eight years. When you had met, he’d been married. Shortly after he left the department, he got divorced, and while you weren’t sure he’d ever remarried, he’d certainly engaged in a longterm partnership with a plucky blonde chef. They’d had a baby together, and maybe two years ago now, the plucky chef had died of cancer. A terrible tragedy. You remembered how ashen Tobias had looked at the funeral, his eyes brimming with tears as he held his daughter’s hand and thanked you for coming.
And in those 8 years, you had remained single, still in the same old department at Weetabix. Still with a bit of a crush on Tobias.
“Are you cold?”
His voice snapped you back to reality.
“Hmm?”
“You look like you're shivering.”
“Oh yeah, I guess it is a bit chilly in here.”
“I think we’re right under a vent. Here.” Before you could object, he pulled his sweater over his head and offered it to you.
“Oh, no, I couldn’t.”
“Go on, I’ve got enough layers.” Indeed, he was now sporting a long-sleeved button-up.
“Thank you. I didn’t know I should have dressed for Antartica,” you giggled, pulling his sweater over your head. Turns out, it was as soft as you’d hoped. The fact that it smelled like him and was warm from his body left you feeling a little dizzy. You were a bit startled when you glanced up and found him studying you with a smile. He leaned in close and murmured. “I’ve missed you too. No one laughs at my corny jokes either.”
You laughed, pleasantly surprised. His knee grazed yours and felt like an electrical shock. He sighed. “I don’t get out much. Not that I ever did, really, but—“
“But you’re a dad now. That’s your most important job.”
He couldn’t stop himself from beaming. “Yeah, it is.”
“How is Ella? I bet she’s a sweetheart like her father.” Had you really just said that? Was that too forward to say to a single dad?
He chuckled. “That’s very kind of you. Yeah, she is a lot like me. She’s a nurturer, a worrier. I wish she had a bit more of Almut’s tenacity, probably because I admired it so much. But it’s easier to relate to her as a fellow gentle soul.”
“You should bring her round the office one of these days. It’s been ages since you’ve done that.”
“Yeah, or you should come see the farm. It’s quite something! Well, it’s not exactly a farm, but we do have chickens and a lot of land, and I’ve been able to maintain it since Al passed, so it’s become my other pride and joy—after Ella, of course.”
“I’d love to,” you said with a smile, though you felt a nagging sadness that he was going to regret this invitation after he sobered up—if he even remembered it at all. The two of you looked at each other. His brown eyes were so beautiful and thoughtful.
“Well, I guess I’d better be getting back before I have too much to drink—or maybe I already have. Hmm.” He shot you a worried look with a laugh. “Are you going back on the train?”
“No, I need to get a taxi. I think I’ll head out now too.”
You both said goodbye to the remaining partygoers and walked out into the balmy night air.
“Tobias…”
He stopped and turned around.
“I’m really glad I got to see you tonight. I was going to leave early, you know. Actually… I didn’t want to come at all.”
“Well, I’m glad you did.” He had the sweetest smile.
“Me too.” You two just stood there, smiling at each other like tipsy idiots, when you remembered. “Oh! Your sweater. Here, ah!” You started laughing as you got yourself a bit tangled up while trying to pull it over your head. Tobias was laughing too, and you could feel his warm hands on your bare arms as he tried to extricate you.
“Ah! There were go!” You said, laughing breathlessly, now back in only your dress, both of you holding onto his sweater. He was watching you again. You wondered if you could will someone into making a move....
And then you just went for it yourself. His lips were soft and warm against yours, and he definitely kissed you back. He leaned his forehead against yours and sighed. Was he… relieved?
“Thank you,” he said softly. “Thank you for doing something I’ve wanted to do for 15 years now.”
“What?” You squawked, throwing his sweater at him. “Are you kidding me? So you’ve liked me this whole time too?”
His cheeks were reddening. “Well, yeah. Why wouldn’t I? You’re beautiful and funny, and you were always so nice to me when I was the new-guy-idiot. But I was married, and then…. The timing was never right.”
“No,” you sighed. “No, it was not.”
But was the timing finally right now? You were trying not to smile too big, and you got the sense he was too.
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