#anderperry fic

Love is, Neil thinks, shortly, nothing like how he’d pondered it to be, nothing like sunlight or an arrow in his chest, nothing the poets have even begun to scratch the surface of, and nothing new revealed in this kiss. It’s Todd, and Neil knows Todd, and – he’s surprised, anyway. Neil is surprised, anyway.

Genuinely one of my favorite fics. In all fandoms.

I think I love it so much for how earnest it is. How, more than a fic, it feels like a painting. It grabs scenes that aren’t really that new, scenes reused over and over by other authors, and gives them colour. In the same way every romcom reuses the same tropes over and over, but a good romcom is able to make them feel fresh. Like a cinematographer, every word seems deliberate, every word paints a picture, as if the author was adjusting the camera to get the perfect shot. It has a distinctive feel to it from all he other fics with pretty much the exact same plot that I’ve read in many different fandoms.

I also find it a good depiction of a hopeless romantic. I myself am one, and most media tends to be so sappy that it feels impersonal and exaggerated, or not romantic enough that it makes it feel ordinary. This is none of it. A perfect combination.

The fic is not even long, 22k words, but it’s so good. Includes: college anderperry, neil pov, theatre, pining (a lot of it), domestic ambiance, new york, chocolate. Nothing new, but I just love it.

He's haunting Welton, because Todd is the person he's bound to. The person that's keeping him on earth, keeping him from moving on entirely. (I assume if it wasn't Todd, though, he'd be bound to the puck crown and kill his father).

At first it's a rather peaceful haunting. Todd's the only one that sees Neil (and since he's having a rough time adjusting part of him thinks he's like genuinely seeing things that aren't there. He does NOT talk about it with the poets, though he does think Neil's nice company. Even though he doesn't say much).

Rather quickly, though, things start becoming more violent. Someone bumps into Todd in the hallway, then ends up dead. Another person spreads a nasty rumor. Dies. You understand how it goes.

All of them die of a gunshot to the head, though the gun is never found. It's clear they're not suicides.

A pair of ghost hunters show, pretending to be FBI. Todd breaks rather quickly when they start asking about Neil, begging them not to lock him up because he swears he's not insane and that he has nothing to do with the murders and and and--

They believe him.

Todd guides them to the grave, but burning Neil's bones does nothing but create an empty, pained pit inside him. He's already been through so much and now they're--

Todd doesn't look or anything. Though he must know Neil should look more or less the same as he remembers, inside the casket. It's only been a week or two.

Back at Welton the murders continue. The FBI guys are still there. They make Todd sit down in a salt circle and draw out the gho- Neil.

Then comes the hardest part. With tears streaming down his face and a lump in his throat, Todd has to say goodbye to him. Has to let him go. To tell him violence doesn't solve a thing and it hurts so much because the Neil he knew would never hurt anyone. He's the one that's made him into... A monster.

It works. For a short second Todd sees the boy he'd fallen in love with. Then there's a light and... Neil's gone.

Turns out, getting to say goodbye doesn't make things easier. Not if this is the manner in which he had to do it. There's even more empty seats in the classroom and those are his fault. There's no doubt about it.

One of the FBI agents tries talking to him, telling him it's not his fault. He knows they're lying.

He doesn't tell the poets. Doesn't tell anyone.

In silence, all alone, he has to live with the fact he made Neil into a murderer. That he's the one person he gets to blame about Neil's memory being tainted in his own eyes.

I imagine the guilt will eat at him until, eventually, he'll confess to the local cops. He's the one that murdered those boys. He's got a motive. No alibi, at least not one that matters after his confession. Besides, cops are dumb, they'll believe him.

And there's not a lie in his confession either. He might not have been one to pull the trigger, but he's the one that made Neil stay there. He's the one that caused all those boys's death.

But I was yours. I was so yours.

🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

Todd beamed as they approached the myriad of lights that lined the street. He gave Neil’s hand a squeeze as he grinned at the warm glow that seemed to pour into the snow and across the road. Neil had switched his right glove with Todd’s, as his were fingerless and he made the excuse that that way they could warm each other’s fingers on one hand, and that way their left hands could also be warm. Todd had agreed to this arrangement, grasping at any opportunity to hold his boyfriend’s hand.

They strolled along quietly for a while, warm in their heavy coats and woolly hats. Neil’s face half covered by his scarf, Todd was a bit annoyed at this, he liked the idea of being able to kiss Neil whenever he fancied.

They paused for a moment, to appreciate the view. They watched as people stood at the Christmas stalls buying last minute gifts for loved ones. Todd whispered, “It’s so beautiful.”

Neil nodded, admiring how Todd’s eyes twinkled in the light. The way the light illuminated little hairs poking out from under his hat. Everything. Todd was everything, he decided. Upon noticing this intense gaze, his already rosey cheeks flushed a brighter shade. Perhaps that was just the cold. 

“Stop looking me like that.” He turned away, slightly embarrassed but very much so endeared. 

Neil kept watching him with those big brown eyes that Todd loved so much. At that moment he could have melted into them as quickly as a marshmallow does in hot chocolate. They softened and although he couldn’t see, he knew Neil was grinning like a fool underneath that scarf.

“Like what?” He whispered, teasingly.

Todd met his gaze, “like you could be in love with me.” 

“Could be?” Neil seemed genuinely upset by this, and Todd silently willed him to say it. Please. Just once. 

When in one swift movement, Neil pulled his scarf down, cupped Todd’s face in his hands, and kissed him. Gently, at first, and then he placed one hand on Todd’s back, the other on his waist, and dipped him down towards the ground. Todd squealed, causing Neil to smile into the kiss. He carefully brought him back up, giggled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I love you. Ok?”