I'm starting to wonder if there is any single thing in my life that actually matters because it sure doesn't feel like it.
Today I was told by my advisor, when she researched how many credits I need, that the class I have isnt going to be enough to get my degree and they found I need five more credits. This is contradicting directly what she told me in March, that I only needed 8 more and since then Ive taken two three credits so yeah it makes no sense. It feels like I am just... wasting my time? Like the school is obviously drawing this out; like they don't care either way, I have to pay either way. And it just... sucks like Im trying but is this degree even going to be worth it? Is it going to get me a job that isnt fucking minimum wage? It doesn't feel like it. It really doesn't. I sincerely doubt Im gonna go on from here and get a job at Boeing or any kind of machine shop, like this here feels like it's my ceiling.
Then my sister like...... quizzed me on why I don't go out, why I don't find a nerd bar where people play DND and make some friends. Like this woman who a YEAR ago was adamant we be as safe as possible so the kids don't get COVID, is telling me I shouldnt let COVID anxiety or being tired after work stop me, I need to go out and make friends; And Im like baffled trying to get through to her that I don't necessarily want friends like that? I'm kind of a boring, solitary dude, I don't fucking want to go to a nerd DND tabletop game bar and meet people. I wanna have quiet time at bookstores and go to aquariums and art galleries, and I do wish I could meet someone in my fucking area who doesnt ghost me, but I don't really love being put on the spot about why I don't go out.
Long ramble, nobody read.
I'm just... starting to rapidly lose hope in my life, I guess.
