#and expectations

Before you go: Not every married couple needs to have children, or remind me that Bellatrix and Rodolphus didn't marry out of love--I know.

But the fact of the matter is that Bellatrix "took a pureblood husband, because that was what was expected of her" and it's likely that babies would likewise have been expected of her, to continuing the pureblood line of the Lestranges and Black families.

“You should be proud!” said Bellatrix ruthlessly. “If I had sons, I would be glad to give them up to the service of the Dark Lord!”

Is this just a throwaway comment or has Bellatrix thought about the sons she failed to produce?

I don't quite understand human gender. People tell me that they FEEL like a man, woman, etc. and I never understood what people meant. Personally, I feel very disconnected from that because I've never felt that. I've never felt like I was one or the other or both, but neither. And nonbinary is the closest I can get to what I feel, since I don't feel like either one or something specifically, but that doesn't fit either! I'm just me, there is no gender.

Emil nodded, they had thought it might happen at some point, but these two, they had just stayed the best of friends and nothing seemed to change that. On the ice though, they had a chemistry that was undeniable, but they both said the same thing when asked every time they competed, that they were just friends.

With school starting for everyone, life settled into what was the kid's normal routine, school, homework often done in the training rink while Ye-Min and Rylan were practicing, and then of course helping them get through it as well. Liam had been asked if he wanted to train some more with the barista they had worked with in the summer, so they all kept busy in many ways, yet still found time to help out at the shelters as well.

By the next spring, the biggest talk was Ams graduating as he was some years older than them, and that Rylan and Ye-Min had qualified for the nationals which again could see them go even further with their skating. As they were still young, the talk of the sports news was if they would enter the youth world championships if they won their nationals.

Tyvan: Nervous? Rylan: A little, it suddenly feels so big and serious.

Tyvan smiled as they sat down next to their twin outside. Tomorrow was the start of the nationals weekend, and he could see how his twin would feel that way. 

I am not a mother, and I never will be. Not only because I don't want kids, but more importantly because I want to protect them from me.

I am fine with this most of my days. But sometimes at night is when I fight, away the tears. When I get so consumed, by all of my fears.

Silly ones, that are misguided and untrue. But even harder do i fight the ones, that were told by you.

So as I look at all the people, and the babies that aren't mine. All I can do is take another breath, and tell myself "I'm fine."

A child would not be happy, growing up in my care. I don't know why I sometimes struggle, feel like this isn't fair.

I try again, time after time and then some more. But every comment leaves a mark, makes my heart bruised and sore.

I do not want kids, deep down that's all I know. I am not a mother, that much I know for sure. But on nights like these, I want time to freeze. To not get another question, about when I will stop being alone. Or how it's time to get a partner, cause "time is quicker than you think" and "They're grown before you can even blink"