#ancient journal

Fan animations do more work than actual source and canon to convey what I have been trying to put together for a bit.

Something about seeing it again always gives me some sense of comfort.

The way it comes to me is always a strange liminal space with an endless sea. It's grey, void, and the water is transparent. The sand is completely white; if it is even sand, I haven't really found out yet.

I stand in that dream staring into it. Sometimes I see others in the far-off distance, but I doubt I know them. Nothing ever has approached me.

Meaning has been lost, distorted into whatever anyone wishes it to be. What began as an effort to be open-armed and welcoming instead cast out many who truly belonged. It alienated them instead.

New terms and names for things that muddied the waters further. Coining words used to mean something, and they were thoughtful, and often universally helpful. Now, it feels like anyone can create a trendy new term, only for it to be forgotten months later.

These days, I never know if the people I speak to even share the same baseline. I can’t tell who understands me on the same level as I am used to.

The second one is another favorite of mine that also brings in the whole reason for it all.

Love them both but gods damn, do they bring inner suffering to me.

Primals are known to temper with people, mind, body, and soul. They can erode the mind and soul— they sustain themselves with it, the more the corruption flows, the more they can continue to live and exist. Some are more susceptible to it, some others are not. The amount of condensed aether someone has within themselves sort of gives a chance to have some chances of overpowering it... In most cases, it will drive an average, low aether condensed being mad.

In the past, Asciaens— beings like myself had a higher concentration of aether. Our entire existence consisted of pure aetheric energy, allowing us to easily connect with the force of life and even change our forms. We were not confined by physical bodies. To put it simply, we were akin to liquids. Our true form was mostly masses of magical energy or aether.

This pertains to a lot of my strange, monster-like behavior but what always felt off from being an Ancient to Asciaen.

The transformation caused by the corruption of Primals had a significant impact on everything. The combination of enduring trauma and madness from years of being unable to die truly alters a person. However, my focus is on explaining the corruption aspect.

Even though I used to be considered a regular sorcerer, Zodi's influence transformed me and my comrades, both mentally and physically.

There is a reason I prefer to be called or seen as an Asciaen than an Ancient or other, because being an Asciaen was its own thing. After a while, we developed strange and unique traits like being more shadow-like, monstrous beings. Sure, we were still sort of the same civil scholars we once were... There was something about the corruption (from my perspective, anyhow) that caused me to develop strange, feral-like instincts.

It was a very slow process, it wasn't some instant process. If anyone knew before creating him I really doubted that we would have gone with the plan of creating him.

I had severe bloodlust, there was some reason for most of my actions, not very excusable but... what can you do? Did not help that I saw humanity as mere animals, I practically saw them as little prey animals. Animals to the slaughter and whatnot. My race already had a horrible way of looking at our creations to begin with... not all of us but, for the most part... everything was just science experiments. Things we could mold and bend to our will and disregard whenever we thought it was flawed or had no use.

We were basically gods, we played god.

Funny enough, I was one of the few who had my head on straight for the most part and was very self-aware of my corruption. Compared to people like Laha that basically snapped at the first given choice. (To be fair, I did not think Laha was even well to begin with. He already had some deep-set issues.) Others that reincarnated already, I already expected issues.