Hey all, so. I find myself in a weird predicament, because I had two minor announcements I had to write on here, and uh. It was only when I went to write them that I realized that factoids a and b might not play well together
I’m probably going to be pretty inactive from now until the end of December. I’m in midterm season, and I just... completely wasted my reading week. I had such noble plans! I was going to really buckle down, and grind, and get myself a comfortable week ahead in terms of coursework. I’d be able to ask questions, polish up assignments instead of scrambling to finish them, actually help my classmates instead of being that dumbass asking questions in the group chat at the 11th hour... you can guess how that went OTL
I’m not saying it was BECAUSE of writing, but that is absolutely the thing I was doing instead of the stuff I wanted to avoid. This time of year there’s events, and whumptober, and inktober, and halloween stuff, and NaNo is around the corner, and I just can’t. If I can do well for the next few months I’ll be on work placement through school until next september. That means a normal, 9-5 (or something like it) job *w* for the first time in my life. I’ll have evenings! and a predictable schedule! which will hopefully mean more time and energy for writing!
But I have to get there first, and not blow it in the home stretch.
I wanted to post something for whumptober (my Six stenence sunday from last week was from that AU, and maybe I’ll post six lines of what I got written today) but I was treating like fun fandom challenge deadlines like actual deadlines and the stuff I needed to, but didn’t want to do, was getting neglected. I was going to try and get another 50k into UF for NaNo this year, and I just have to. not. do that OTL
Like, honestly, it feels a little conceited to think that anyone would even notice if I took a little hiatus. I know I am a very small fish in this great big fandom pond.
Unfortunately, that leaves me with my second problem.
I’ve been feeling... not great, recently? In an emotional kind of a sense? tl;dr, I had a huge selfpitying TMI dump below that can be summed up as: going to see doctor on Wednesday about starting some medication again.
The time that I was ON said medication coincides directly that any of you here from Kintsugi from FF.net will remember as the point where I uh. Just stopped writing for about two years. Obviously, something was wrong if I just... didn’t feel like doing anything that I used to enjoy. I’m going to mention that to her, hopefully something different or a different dosage might be better.
I feel like I need to say at this point that like. Please nobody take this as a reason NOT to take medication. PLENTY of artists are happier, more confident, and MORE productive while managing their mental wellbeing using medication. Gosh, can you imagine? Me NOT paralyzed by indecision and a crippling need for validation? I might actually get things done, holy shit. (Read stuff by authors I love and ENJOY THEM without also having to go be in the fetal position for a while dealing with self-loathing and creative envy and feelings of total worthlessness!) That’s the goal, anyway! This could make me a much BETTER writer, or at least one who’s happier with what she does.
And I was like, yeah! I’m going to try and keep track of how much I write! to make sure that this isn’t putting me into ‘nah I’m cool just being a potato who sits here and just exists and not in the cool zen kind of a way’ mode again. Maybe set aside a bit of time every day! I can set challenges for myself! Do events! And prompts!....
.... which brings me back to point 1.
Maybe things will work out great, and I’ll be able to keep to a little timed writing break better if my goddamn brain is all stocked up on all the shit it needs to be, and point 2 will take care of point 1.
Anyway. I’ll um. I’ll keep you posted.
