#amilost

amilost - Living With Ghosts

Su Lee

“I’m sitting here, saddened at what I hear and see, Sitting here disgusted, knowing what is near, knowing what is me.

A pretty face, sitting in place, History has been hard, its brought me to this space. Perhaps I’ve lost myself, Never protected accepted by anyone else.

They come, They go, Most will never know, The extent of their lasting heartfelt blows, I’m here, because they are there, Desperate to make sense of all the history, of those I trusted, Those who pissed on me with such care.

Drowning in their baths, Rusted and tarnished, at last. Damaged, broken, and worse off than that, This heart and soul has only ever been shown, black. That is just that!

Years of fault, blame, and shame, There is nothing worth loving about me, The final result is always the same, It’s a matter of time until you too will see, The beauty before you is not worthy to be seen. History has its scars and I have mine, Day in, day out, No one worries unconditionally in honor of me, What is relevant to me, remains invisible for those who matter to see. I’m always fine, Deceitfully laughing behind the tears, of a clown, Smiling behind big blue eyes, even while gravity draws my head down.