#ameos

I'm no stranger to transphobia from doctors/therapists but holy crap, I experienced a whole new level on wednesday.

Luckily I'm pretty secure about my identity and I've dealt with certain dinosaurs before but this woman is the wildest thing I've ever encountered.

I have a severe personality disorder. You have to have something like that to be trans. Sorry if you heard about this from me. /s

The absolute worst part is that she's not just an old woman with her own practice. She's the head psychiatrist at an Ameos clinic. "My" clinic has been solely a mental hospital than a "real" hospital for quite some years.

I had already signed up for individual therapy sessions with my therapist on wednesday or thursday before easter. After the ward round, I just didn't know what would happen. I added a "!" after my name to mark it as urgent because "I couldn't be treated here and medication wouldn't do anything for me." I could barely say anything, like, "What the fuck are you talking about??" Apparently I can believe whatever I want.

A few hours later, I saw one of the two psychologists (each ward has two). It wasn't mine since mine wasn't there that day but it was a nice chat. This poor woman, who is obviously under the thumb of the old head psychiatrist, was so worried about me. The first thing she said was that no one on the team except the head psychiatrist shares these values ​​and attitudes. She repeated it several times. "Our boss is a real jerk. I'm so sorry!" (I need time to process everything and understand what people really meant by their words. I also learned from the therapist exactly where the "connection" between my "severe personality disorder" and my identity lay.)

Which is good to know but nothing I was worried about. I don't want to leave. I haven't accomplished anything and leaving would only throw me back into old patterns and behaviours.

With luck, the chief attending will be back the week after easter. He usually does the weekly rounds (with a therapist, the ward's physician and the nurses who are on shift at that time). Currently the rounds are being split over two weeks because they don't have enough staff.

The chief attending was gone for the entirety of march. I saw him once on our ward at the end of february a day after I arrived before he left. I like the guy.

Now I have to come up with something with my therapist that I can potentially say to that stupid cow in two weeks so I can stay. Yay! ....

I'm not doing too badly. No need to worry. In retrospect, it was just as messed up as it was funny. Better to laugh than cry.