#amberscreams

everything else abt the show? love it, keep doing what you’re doing

so... life has been certainly something lately. january left me more broken than i thought it would, but it was my own fault for expecting so much, especially after what happened 16 days after the start of it. winter already makes me feel like complete and utter shit, but damn january takes the cake. it seemed to be like one thing after another kept piling on me and i was struggling to stay motivated and happy and i didn’t want to feel anything... but i did, heavily. january beat me down until i was dramatically turned into the shell of what used to be a person, you know, the kind of thing that’s hard to bounce back from. somehow, i did though, once february began. the start of a new semester brought new prospects and a new motivation to get back on track. it certainly gave me something to ride on;) and it was good for a while. things didn’t necessarily get better, they just changed and i adapted to it and i put my attention to that. february was still a part of winter, but it also had the air of something new and different. i had new things that excited me, randomly found inspiration, and i gained a sense of self that i thought i had lost after the harsh winter. i felt content w being by myself and started to talk abt the feelings i had been harboring and realized that no matter what, i move on. things were changing, a new love interest was found, and suddenly, i had a reason to get up again. i thought i was me again. what i didn’t notice was the underlying constant pain and the bittersweet memories of last year that make me hate that january ever happened and now, they’re all headed straight towards the forefront of my mind. i can feel it starting to drag me down and trying to force me back into that hole i dug myself out of. i forget that february is still winter and it still likes to kick my ass and take my name. after riding a high that good for longer than i’m used to, i know i’ve gotta come back down and face the realities of the world soon. all i wish is that it won’t be a slow march.

no, i’m not making this post, im going tf to bed