#amalryn

Sasshole’s Writing Masterlist

I wrapped the white rose’s stem slowly around my index finger, before tying it to the half completed flower crown that sat on my lap. I had used my thumb nail to scoop out the sharp thorns. The last thing I wanted was to get pricked by one of them. My tight tying of knots had jostled a petal from its home, I mourned it quietly as it fell to the floor. I couldn’t stop picturing that petal as me. Who were my real parents? And why did they abandon me? My movements were too lethargic for my liking as a placed the crown on my head. Suddenly, Kaidan blew a puff of sweet smoke in my face, interrupting my melancholic thoughts. Most people would view that as rude, but it was a needed distraction and entirely innocuous. “Look up, Amalee.” He breathed, thick plumes of white smoke floated up off his tongue like a sleepy dragon’s yawn. “It’s raining.” The rain pitter-pattered on the glass roof, like a poor sod begging to be let in. The dying light of the setting sun filtered through the many windows that made up the frame of our home. The last rays of daylight washed us in fiery hues, dying the smoke around us a vibrant shade of magenta. A half hearted smirk tugged at the the corner of my lips. Usually I would appreciate the beauty the mother bestowed, and would try my best to paint it, but lately, I rarely even thought of painting. I did so adore how rain felt on my skin. I remembered how the cool drops calmed me. If I had let my impulsiveness take hold of me, I would’ve leaped through the double doors and danced in the serein like a madwoman. Though the last time I did that, Zaphira scolded me for making myself sick with a dastardly case of pneumonia. I had drank her herbal teas religiously for two weeks before the illness finally subsided. Kaidan handed me the blunt. “Here. Take a hit.” He stroked my hair rhythymatically, almost nodding off, while doing so. But his heavy lids remained open, waiting for me. I happily obliged. I inhaled sharply, watching the embers glow, and tasting the smoke. It unfurled deep within my lungs like a bird ready to take flight, yearning to wander through the clouds as the current lifted it higher. I resisted the urge to cough as it tickled my throat. My favorite part was exhaling. I freed the sweet smoke from my lungs, after it served its purpose. I watched as it billowed, effortlessly floating away, and out the window that was cracked just a enough for it to escape. I wished I could be that free, but I was chained emotionally to a man who may not even love me. A thought slid over my mind like molten silk. So many people needed to be under the influence just to feel sane, to feel happy. A false sense of purpose coating and justifying addiction. I wasn’t one such person, but I knew those who were, and for that my heart was pricked by pity. I looked at Kaidan, my friend. He was a mercenary. He had been in so many life threatening situations. In his line of work it was expected of him to follow orders, no matter how heinous they were, all for a little gold. It wore him down, so many lives ended by his blade. Only when he was coddled by smoke did he seem to let his human emotions show. His bloodshot gaze locked on the ceiling. He blinked once, slowly as if it was strenuous. “Do you ever wonder why we are here?” I took another hit, longer this time. I laid my head on his shoulder as I savored the taste. Indescribable, indecipherable, indulgent flavors pirouetted on my taste buds. My mind whirred, gears turning like an overly oiled machine, too fast for my tongue to voice all the thoughts begging to be heard. “Well,” I exhaled. “Legends say that a great goddess…” Devoid of his usual indifference, Kaidan interrupted me. “No, I’m not asking how we were created. I mean why are we here? What purpose does our existence hold?” I handed him the blunt. He inhaled a brief toke, then closed his eyes. I spoke solemnly, smoke still oozing from my lungs, punctuating my every word. “I believe that every mortal on this planet, every creature has to discover that answer themselves. And that the answer won’t be the same for everyone.” “Maybe, there isn’t even an answer…” He spoke suddenly. His throat bobbed as if he wanted to say more, but lacked the words. Or, perhaps the words tittered on his tongue, but he was afraid to say them out loud. I laughed. An obnoxious, uncontrollable laughter that erupted from deep within me, and echoed out of my throat. Which, of course, induced a fit of raucous coughs. Kaidan’s face split into a stupid grin, flashing me with his seldomly-exposed smile, as he chortled. “Maybe the explanation of our lives is just a joke of godly proportions, and our justification for the existence of death is purpose, a palpable, promised, potential invented by hopeful minds in denial, a falsehood, that herds us to the inevitable like compliant sheep.” “Amalee, are you all right? You usually aren’t one to be fatalistic.” His lazy grin falling off his face like the rain that now roared above us. I looked at the thing between my two fingers and flicked its ashes away in frustration. “Isn’t this stuff supposed to make people happy? It seems as though everytime I smoke it, I transform into a sad philosopher. I sincerely apologize if I ruined your high.” An inappropriate giggle erupted from somewhere in my throat. I attempted to muffle myself with the firmness of Kaidan’s shoulder. He smiled down on me. “You could never ruin my high, even if you were determined to. Being with you is euphoric enough for me.” I didn’t say anything in response. My shoulders tensed at the hint of flirtation in his tone and my frown deepened. As if sensing my discomfort, Kaidan cleared his throat. “So what is really wrong? You haven’t been yourself for awhile. I noticed it that night when you went to see Falkryn.” At the mention of his name, my heart palpitated. I tried to exhale a steady breath, but my smoke filled lungs betrayed me. My red tinged nose tingled, and my throat tightened as I tried, but failed to hold back tears. “I don’t even know if he loves me.” I stole a glance at Kaidan’s serious face through tear brimmed eyes. “He wouldn’t even introduce me to his parents, like he is ashamed of me.” I choked out between sobs. “He would be stupid not to show you off.” Kaidan gestured to me with obvious flair, his distracting dreads swaying in and out of his face. “Look at you, no one could take a look at you and your baby blues and not want to be with you.” I laughed a little, feeling my cheeks brighten. Then, I felt my heart tug on my sleeve. I sighed, a great and smoke heavy sigh. “I only want him though.” I voiced pathetically. Kaidan cupped my face gently, forcing me to look him in the eye. Those emerald greens sparkling their severe glint. “If you love him, Lee-Lee, go talk to him. Make it right. I hate seeing you so torn up.” he removed his hands. My face immediately grew cold. “When was the last time you have even painted?” He cocked his head to the side. His dreads sliding off his shoulder one by one. I thought about that, and I couldn’t find the answer. When was the last time? I asked myself. “I don’t remember. A long while.” I mumbled out. It was Kaidan’s turn to sigh. It was a disheartening sound, all exasperating and full of disappointment. “Don’t ever let a man come between you and your passion. Go paint him being shattered into a million pieces, or chock full of arrows. I don’t care. Use your pain and go do something beautiful. Then go talk to the man and tell him how you feel.” He got up and grabbed one of my brushes, and slid it behind my ear. “Or I could kill him, if you wish.” He offered sweetly and inches from my face. “No killing.” I lightly punched him. “I like him too much.” Kaidan just looked down at the arm I hit through a shroud of lashes, shook his head, and chuckled. “I would you know. No one hurts my Lee-Lee.” He said quietly, then tied on his knife belt. With a wicked smirk, he was gone.