#alyssapetersel

My very beautiful friend wrote a very beautiful book titled, “Somehow I Am Different.” And on a very beautiful, rainy Saturday morning I had a chance to sit with her to chat a little bit more about it. The transcript captures her 7.5-month stint in Budapest, Hungary where she interviewed a wide range of modern-day Jewish people living within the city. Through personal stories of family, history, patriotism, culture and conviction, these wonderfully written narratives showcase today's Jewish community in Budapest as being one that is both strong and resilient. 

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?

Oh my gosh, I wish I remembered. I probably thought, do I really want to get up or can I sleep a little bit more? Is it raining outside? Do I have to put on pants to go to the bathroom?

Awesome.

And, what did you have for breakfast today?

This is also pretty classic to my personality. I had leftovers. Specifically today, I had sushi.

Now, to the book: Would I be probing to ask you who Rozalia Bermon is, the woman to whom you dedicated this book?

That’s a great question. She’s my grandmother… Was my grandmother. She passed away two falls ago. She immigrated to the U.S. when she was a teenager from Hungary and consistently, my dad tosses into my narrative that I remind him a lot of her, his mother.

I know it's frowned upon within your faith, but if you were to get a tattoo, what would it be? I think this question arose when in the book you were talking about the #7, so I wondered if that would mean anything to you. Not to persuade you!

I think numbers in Judaism are fascinating. For a long time I thought about doing something around the #5 because my family has five members. That doesn't necessarily have Jewish symbolism. But lately, I’ve been thinking of doing something with the alyssum flower. I learned recently that “Alyssa” in German roots means, “Curing Madness”. And that I found myself in social work and it’s this seemingly existential idea of: whoa, I’m finding my path in something that was somewhat prescribed to me, but I didn’t know it, and I found myself in it… So to have a physical reminder of being proud of who I am and learning who I am would be really nice.

And is your spelling of “Alyssa” the German spelling?

Yes, “LYSSA” apparently means “madness” and “A” is a negator, so: without madness, or curing madness, not mad.

As if you weren’t cool already, you just climbed the ladder 15 rungs.

Zsuzsa talks a lot about the sense of community she felt after learning she is Jewish. This strikes a chord because it sets the theme for the book and I think all of us can relate to wanting to feel a sense of belonging. Do you have similar feelings about your own sense of community with your faith here in the States?

I would say it’s not the same feeling that I had there. In a sense I also think it’s huge that a few of the interviewees mentioned they were 16 and looking for community and this happened to be it. And if it wasn’t Judaism, it might have been something else. I think that in the U.S., more often than not, it’s something else. When I went to Budapest and knew no one, Judaism was a community builder for sure. And the friends I made were through Judaism and the social things I did were things like going to Shabbat*. Here, I have the opportunity to do that which I’m so grateful for, especially in NY. However, there’s a balancing act that sometimes I connect around Judaism and those connections are huge, and helpful and nourishing, but other times, I connect around doughnuts or bagels, or social work.

Can we get a mezuzah for our front door?

Oh my gosh, I have some – should we put them up?!

YES! I actually wanted to get you one… but then I didn’t know where to get one so I thought we could go together…

I think I would get "Jelen" for a tattoo. We talked about this – “Jelen” means, “To Remain Present”. Can you remind everybody from the book what that was?

Jelen is an incredible café, restaurant coffee shop, music house, event space, and it’s located in the 8th district of Budapest, which at one point was literally where prostitutes would just circle around the square. In a similar way to gentrification in the US, the 8th district now has a lot of funky art culture. A lot of young people live there, because it’s cheaper and still accessible to places. The café itself also happened to be only steps from my apartment, and it's where I conducted a number of interviews and definitely did a ton of transcribing and editing, and it’s awesome. You can just imagine… everything in Budapest has really high ceilings. It feels artistic lofty with exposed brick and all sorts of random graffiti and just really authentic energy, and grit. It’s a really cool space.

One of the interviews you had was with a man named Mark, who you met at Jelen actually, and he told you a story about his friend who returned from market with Nazi paraphernalia only to find out later that he too is Jewish. This reinforced the idea of the overwhelming lack of understanding of family history amongst many modern day Jewish Hungarians. What did you enjoy learning most about Mark in that regard?

He’s amazing. He’s just an incredibly successful rapper, slam poet, but also super comfortable in his own skin. And he’s really raw, so his whole interview was really about telling you how it was. I liked being in that presence. People kind of judged his group for becoming affiliated with Judaism even though they weren’t actively [trying to identify] with it. My favorite part about Mark was that he kind of stuck up a middle finger and said, we’re Jewish. And he made the logo Jewish, and started working with Jewish organizations, and started including politically charged aspects into his group’s songs.

You mentioned, "anti-Semitism in Hungary never has and never will fully die." Can you explain this a bit more?

Hungary definitely has a history of extremely severe anti-Semitism. There were a lot of Hungarian accomplices in the orchestration of the Holocaust, but even before that - for decades - there was anti-Semitic legislation. Jews didn’t have the same opportunities professionally or socially, and weren’t treated the same. Focusing specifically on the Holocaust doesn't do justice to the mounting culture of anti-Semitism that enabled it to happen [in the first place]. In recent past there has been a lot of attention to it and the media has gone so far as to fear the rising of a second Holocaust. It’s scary. That threatens Jews, but it also threatens everything. That’s a huge message that isn’t as emphasized. It wasn’t like the Holocaust happened and ended, and there was a forgiveness aspect. To this day, there’s resentment against Jewish populations that overall, is resentment towards “the other”. [Budapest is] also anti-Roma**, anti-homosexual, and anti-different. There will always be that, but there are also increasing populations that challenge that. So the big question is whether the challenging populations have enough agencies to actually change the politics and the laws.

How did you find your interviewees? People like Zsuzsa I met through email and stalking – which I’ve honed as a skill. There were a few people that I met via stalking and told them the work they do is really cool and I would love to talk to them more about it. Which people are generally really receptive to, even here, which is really nice. And then whoever I interviewed there was always a question of… now that you know a little bit more about this research, is there anyone else who you think would be interested in this or that I would benefit talking to? So that led to a huge domino effect.

How did you spend your in between time when you weren’t interviewing or actively researching?

Definitely running at Margit-szige. There’s “Buda” and then there’s “Pest”, and between them is the Danube River. And if you go toward the end of the 13th district you can go over Margaret Bridge and there’s this little island that is Margaret Island, and surrounding it is a running track. For me, it was like the Central Park of Budapest. It was just beautiful and really relaxing, and you could sit under the bridge and watch the water.

As I read Tomi's reflection about his dedication to Jewish Agency, I couldn't help but draw parallels between his outreach with that organization and yours with this book, and what both mean for building up the Jewish Budapest community. Reflecting back, do you ever feel that connection to your interviewees?

Looking back I didn’t make the connection because I very much felt like a fly on the wall for this book process. There was a consistent questioning of whether the book would actually be helpful for Jewish Budapest, or whether it was specifically helpful for me. I knew that all this amazing work was happening on the ground so there was always a divide in my mind that I was documenting amazing work and I wasn’t sure that this was inherently “activism”. I can say confidently that exposing these stories to a new audience is helpful, but can I say without doubt that I did their stories justice or that I captured the frontrunners in all departments? I don't think it's the same level of progressive work that someone like Tomi does, who is so in touch with the community. I consistently, with all of the interviewees, put their work more on a pedestal to mine.

Devora makes a powerful statement about how our individuality and vulnerability, in isolation, are the basis for a weak foundation, but when acknowledged and tied to others, are exactly what make us strong. How does this mantra resonate with you personally?

She’s the shit. She is just awesome. The mantra of vulnerability: I think owning our vulnerabilities make us strong and then we can utilize them. Everyone has vulnerabilities. Our instinct as Americans is to put make-up on them… and to put on this performing of self and exerting an image of one’s self that is somehow flawless. Culturally, that is extremely encouraged, and I think that’s where you start to crumble. The vulnerabilities… build and all of a sudden there are these huge monsters in the closet… and they explode at some point. Versus, when one acknowledges them, talks about them, faces them and deals with them, it’s not comfortable, but you learn more about yourself and how you function. You can either work with that and you can arguably relate to others. It becomes less of an issue, and [more of] a uniting factor with other people. You’re so much weaker on your own than with other people.

Keeping Jewish tradition alive in modern day Budapest is a poignant and common theme amongst your Hungarian interviewees. What does keeping this tradition alive mean to you personally?

Hmm… for me, I think it’s asking those bigger questions: Why are we here? What are we doing? How is it contributing to the world? For others, there’s a lot more ritual involved. I love exploring Jewish holidays – Passover, Hanukah, and Rosh Hashanah. Those things will always be a part of my practice and spirituality. I think that the danger is when folks latch on, specifically to either secular or ritual, and are exclusive of people in their own definition of Judaism. I understand that the more accepting you are the less clear the definition of Judaism is, but the more people that can find meaning, the bigger the community - and the bigger the community, the stronger. But that is a very particular opinion to me and there are people that would disagree with that.

You’re going back to Budapest in June…

YAY!

YAY! I’m coming with you…

YAY!

What's the first thing you plan to do when you get there?

I’m going to get a goulash from Paprika. Can’t wait. I’m in the process now of setting up coffees with each of the interviewees, and getting them a copy of the book. And we will celebrate the second weekend I’m back. I’m trying to make few plans to walk around and just reconnect with the city and see how things feel different post-book. It will have been 2 years since I first arrived for the book, so just to see how I feel as a different person.

David says, "I never question anyone else if he or she is religious because that isn't what's important", leaning more heavily on the cultural relevance of Judaism in Hungary. Do you have a POV on the two aspects of Judaism within Budapest, or in general?

Several of the interviewees said that religious Judaism in Budapest is dying so they see less relevance of synagogues and of ritual, and a piquing relevance of culture, food, music and art. A lot of people feel politically charged about their Judaism. Many of them also feel some sort of obligation to speak against wrongs in the country. There’s a social rookie activism aspect of Judaism there. Chabad is an organization that does a lot of outreach and spreading of Judaism, and I think they’re very committed to having Judaism in a ritual sense survive in Budapest. When you’re born into something like that it becomes the norm and it’s very comfortable, and there are people that transition into that practice not having been born into it. So I do still think that will happen, but I don’t think it’s the norm or the majority. This cultural Judaism will be more relevant to Budapest, specifically.

Ritual doesn't necessarily relate to living your life in a particular way, aside from the physical act of that ritual. How does ritual within Judaism sculpt a Jewish person?

It definitely depends on the person. For example, Tzitzit*** are things you could wear that are considered a mitzvah or a good deed, and a lifestyle choice that brings one closer to God or Judaism. For other people, meditating is a way that brings them closer to God or to Judaism… For some people, ritual is a very specific black and white way that you can connect to God and identify as a religious person. One could literally say the words of the prayer of the blessing of bread before eating or one could start every meal with saying they’re grateful. Personally, I think both are very Jewish, but one you’re literally reciting a prayer from a book and for the other you’re spiritually grateful and still connected.

Will you write another book?

Yes. The short answer is yes. The long answer is, I am practicing simplicity at the moment and I’m trying to be mindful and present in my celebration and release of this book. This book is not over yet – there’s still a lot more to do, and outreach to do, and sharing of the message. But I loved the process from start to finish. I really liked the anthropology side of the interviewing and ethnography side of learning about a different culture, but I liked the technical sides of transcribing, writing, editing and marketing. It was a process that for me personally was nourishing. Even after a long day of a completely different job it felt really good to come home to, even though it was more work, it was work I felt excited to do. I would love to write another book.

And with that, we ordered more sushi for lunch. “Somehow I Am Different” – now available everywhere. Congrats, Alyssa : )

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*Shabbat is a day of rest and celebration that begins on Friday at sunset and ends on the following evening after nightfall. (chabad.org)

**The term “Roma”, first chosen at the inaugural World Romani Congress held in London in 1971, is now widely accepted across the European Union (EU) as a generic and pragmatic term to describe a diverse range of communities, tribes and clans. (New Internationalist, Oct. 2013)