Oct 6, 2020
I think I'd probably give my left leg for someone to fucking cuddle me rn.
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I think I'd probably give my left leg for someone to fucking cuddle me rn.
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So like totally just gonna rant about my health and my mother so uh yeah
I haven't seen a doctor (outside of for hrt) in a while. I havent had a primary doctor since 2013 and even then I rarely saw a doctor. My mother has always been more of an over the counter medicine and just suck it up kinda person.
Some back story on my mother. Shes very sick. She had leukemia and some kinda brain blood vessel problem and probably a whole hose of undiagnosed shit. She refuses to seek treatment and just fucking works through it. She was diagnosed probably about 15 years ago. She's in her 40s and she's working herself to death. She thinks everyone should be able to work like her cause she is so sick and she keeps working.
Now for me. I have no fucking idea whats wrong with me body. I've been having problems with one shoulder since I was about 15 (so 10 years) my hips,knees, feet, back, neck all hurt almost constantly. I fell on my wrist and it aches for months. (Don't think I broke it but never saw a doctor)
My problems are no where near what hers are or what others ppls are. I know I need to see a doctor but 1) I cant afford it and 2) my mother makes me feel like I'm just an attention seeker and that im faking it. That makes me not want to seek help.
Im worried that im permanently damaging my body but I dont feel like anyone would take my pain seriously. I dont have insurance and I cant afford a doctor so it doesnt really matter.
I just hurt. Right now my feet hurt and my neck and my spine and shoulders.
Things no one asked for.
I really wanna make a YouTube channel of me just attempting/failing at video games. Like I love video games but I suck at them. I doubt anyone would find it amusing or would watch. I did a little test recording and I fucking π€¦ββοΈπ€¦ββοΈπ€¦ββοΈ my adhd ass couldn't keep the same thought going for longer than 2 sentences.
I havent seen my best friend is like 3-4 years but Friday he will be driving through the town I live in and we might try to meet up if time permits!
Caught up on The Penumbra Podcast and now I just wanna start it over.
As if I dont have a whole list of other podcasts I want to listen to.
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I bought about 10 different sticker sets totalling in over 500 stickers so that I can sticker bomb my new laptop. Laptop should be here Wednesday and stickers should be here by the end of the month.
500 is likely WAY to many but it gives me a nice variety.
What else should I sticker bomb with the left overs?
Its almost 2pm. I havent eaten. I have done anything I need to get done. I need to do laundry for work tomorrow. I dont want to go to the store. I am tired for not good damn reason.
We are going into the holidays and it feels like I just can't catch up. At work we are behind in so many things and there's only a small handful of actually useful employees that get anything done so we are fighting a loosing battle trying to keep the store stocked and clean.
At home I have cooked in weeks inhavent done my dishes since the last time I cooked. Im just managing to keep enough clean laundry for work and keep my cats taken care of.
I feel exhausted ALL the time. I slept almost 9 hours last night and by the time I got off work at 330 I was tired and then my mother dragged me christmas shopping and I definitely spent money I shouldn't have. I just want some days off to relax and play video games or watch TV but I cant do that on my days off cause then im stressed about everything I need to be doing but I have no energy to do it so I end up doing nothing and going back to work jut as tired and miserable as before.
And now at work I've taken back on some more responsibilities that were given to other employees when I was promoted but they have been failing at it so now I have to take them back on in order to hopefully help train my coworkers on how to do their job.