#alwaysshewrites

“I can’t see you now.” Mina just wanted to crawl in a hole and die. 

A few days ago she had made the mistake of blurting out that she loved Vincent while they were at his apartment. He looked shocked but didn’t really respond. From that moment, she decided that no matter how childish she’d avoid him at all costs until it was no longer possible. 

“Can I come over so we can talk?” 

She grumbled under her breath. “I really don’t know what to say.” She said to herself. His reaction before was terribly disappointing. Of course Mina would never want Vincent to say anything to her that he didn’t mean, but saying nothing at all. It was crushing. After everything they had been through over the last year it seemed like they had grown into a team, more than just mates. But now Mina was reevaluating everything, every look shared between them,  every conversation, every loss. 

When she heard him speak again telepathically Mina crossed her arms in front of her chest. “I don’t want to see you. I know what will happen if we are in the same room. Everything will be swept under the rug. We’ll pretend what I said the other night doesn’t matter, that it never happened. But it does matter, to me.” She stroked the head of Evelyn who rested at her side. “I want more, Dagan.”

Ryan was speechless. He hadn’t expected April to be on the other side of the door when he heard the knock. 

He cleared his throat and stepped back. “April,” he started gently then licked his lips unsure on how to continue. He paused and watched her shifting from one foot to the other. “You have to stay clean. I can’t-- I can’t mess around. I can’t have Lilly around that.”

They were at war. It had been naive of them to think that it wouldn’t directly impact their lives like this one day. Although the life Mina and Vincent had built together made her feel untouchable. Even as she knelt in the mud with Evan’s fist in her hair and the collar around her neck it almost seemed like a dream. If it weren’t for the pain in her ribs she may have been able to convince herself of that. Being unable to call on her powers was disorienting and frustrating, especially when she had so much to say to her husband that she didn’t want overheard.

“It’s okay, Dagan. Just find the babies. Keep them--” Evan slammed his fist into her jaw before she could continue.

“Don’t worry about the children. We’ll find them soon enough.”

They wouldn’t. Mina hoped that the last few minutes of freedom hadn’t been spent in vain as she covered the tracks that allowed her children to slip away from the hybrid’s crew. 

“I see you’ve sunk low enough to attacking mothers with their children now. That bodes well for our side.” Mina’s fingers worked in the mud as she taunted Evan. He was too experienced to have it affect him, but that really wasn’t her goal. The camera was at just the right angle to catch the clues she was leaving her husband in the mud. Mina only hoped he caught what she was trying to tell him, where she was sending him to rescue the babies before anyone else could reach them.

“I wouldn’t have had to go to these extremes if your mate didn’t try to interfere with progress. Now say your goodbyes.” 

His answer made Mina spit. Then she looked up at the camera, still hearing Vincent’s voice in her head. He was close, but not close enough.

“I think this is it, my love.” This time Evan didn’t move to stop her from speaking. “You won’t find us in time. But it’s okay.” She tried to smile as the camera filmed her final moments for everyone to see. “I am so sorry. I promised that this wouldn’t happen. I promised I wouldn’t leave you, but things didn’t really turn out as we imagined. Did they?” She started to cry but not because she believed she’d die. She cried for everything that she’d miss and everyone that would miss her. “Take care of them. They’re my life and always have been.” Evans finger moved to the trigger and Mina’s breath caught in her throat. She shut her eyes tight. “I’ll always love you. Until my last breath.”

Ryan didn’t want to see her. He knew himself enough to know the distance between them was the only thing help him maintain his resolve. But now she was here, on his doorstep, and all he could think to do is wrap his arms around her, kiss away the tears.

“April,” he choked out softly. But when she looked up at him, he saw it all. The drugs and alcohol were already taking their toll on her. She was so much smaller than he remembered. Maybe that too was something that his brain cooked up just to convince himself that she needed him more than he needed to be without her.

But instead of kneeling down and scooping her up, Ryan swallowed the lump rising in his throat. “I can’t. I can’t, not with you like this. Lilly can’t be a part of this.” Marcus’ death had more damage than he realized and his rebirth caused a relapse that split them in two. April’s heart broke and in trying to cope she broke Ryan’s as well.

A surge of rage had him slamming his fist into the wall, cracking through the drywall and probably breaking a bone or two in his hand. “I’m so sorry.” He started to cry, forehead pressed against the wall, back to April. “I want things to be different. I wish we could change. But I don’t have a choice.” Her addiction left them all exposed, and Ryan couldn’t take that chance with Lilly. 

“You should go,” he whispered after a long moment of silence, waiting for her to defend herself but she never did. 

Ryan raised a brow and lowered his phone. He looked around at the precinct before lifting the phone back up to look at it again, cocking his head to the side. Reading the text again, he chuckled which turned into a full out laugh.

“Johns!” Immediately he got to his feet. “If you have time to be on your phone then you shouldn’t have any trouble getting through this stack tonight.” A very large stack of paperwork was slammed down on his desk, then another as his sergeant smirked in his direction. 

“Yes, sir,” he answered less than enthusiastically. 

Ryan waited until the man walked away before taking a seat back down at his desk. “Fuck my life,” he mumbled under his breath staring at the pile. 

After ten minutes of work he caught sight of his phone innocently resting on the desk. Ryan looked around carefully then picked it up again.

“So?” Mina laughed. “You say that like it matters. After everything you’ve put me through, do you really think it fucking matters?!” Everything in the room lifted off the ground and began to spin.

“You say it as though everything you’ve done is excused. You speak that word like it’ll immediately erase my pain. But you don’t care about my pain, or you wouldn’t continually hurt me!” Her eyes narrowed even as they filled with tears. 

Mina held up her hand when Vincent tried to speak. “Don’t! Don’t even try! It doesn’t matter what you say. You’re an ignorant bastard who can’t see beyond his own desires!” 

“They mean nothing.”

“They mean nothing to you! They mean nothing to you! It means something to me!” Every time she spoke Mina took another step toward him, her voice grew louder with every word. “Why doesn’t that matter to you? Why don’t you care how upset I get with these little dalliances? Is this really love? If it is I want no part of it. I can’t believe you still don’t see how wrong you are. What is wrong with you?” 

When he failed to answer her question in time Mina balled her fist and sent it flying at his face. As her hand collided with his face everything that was suspended in the room crashed to the floor. “No one can hurt you like I can! No one else in this world has the power to destroy you like me. Fuck you!” The punch was nothing to him which only made her feel worse about the whole situation. She felt powerless. 

Mina turned away and rubbed the soreness from her hand. She wanted to scream but didn’t have the strength any longer. 

“I’ll take the children to the island. They’ll be safer there. You may visit them whenever you want, but they will be better off with their mother.” Mina didn’t want their children turning out anything like their father. Vincent’s ego and selfishness would ensure that the end of his life was just as painful as the start. Mina didn’t want her children to end up emotionally stunted like their father. It would effect them their whole life, and she would protect them tooth and nail to stop that from happening.

“Probably have more dogs.” Ryan laughed as April smacked him in the chest. He took a deep breath as he continued to chuckle. “What’s got you so sentimental?” Ryan could guess. Her condition probably brought up a lot of feelings for her.. 

April’s pregnancy had a greater effect on her than he had hoped for. He knew her being human, even after everything that Andrea had done to slow her aging, meant that the risks to both mother and baby were very high. That wasn’t even taking into consideration that there were no longer hospitals or doctors for them to take her or the baby once it was born. Ryan thought about the risks often, whenever he was left alone with his thoughts.

Raziel shook her head. “That’s not why I’m objecting.” She extended her hands out to her sides. “It has been too long since I’ve fallen. I’m little more than human. Dragging me into this war will only make me a liability.” Her hands dropped back in defeat. “You don’t understand what it’s been like to live her. Lifetime after lifetime watches my only companions destroy themselves and each other.”

She hated admitting it. Pride was never something Raziel ever had in short supply when she lived in heaven. But years of watching the humans at each others throats had taken its toll on her confidence in herself and in others.