#alternative reality

You don’t know why he’s so hostile towards you but you don’t take shit from anyone, so you give it right back to him. Jabbing at some sloppy work he does when he can’t sit still, pointing out any flaws in plans or suggestions he makes. It gets to the point where sparing with each other ther is more a fight than practice.

Now think about how during a mission where you two have been paired up your fighting every atom in your body to be civil, an explosion of sorts happens near your location. Thinking it’s related to the target, you both head that way. When you get there, it’s a shock to not see your target but a confused looking older man. You notice the weapon he’s carrying and raise your own, him responding likewise.

There’s a bit of back and forth between the three of you until you call MacTavish ‘Soap’. The guys freezes and lowers his weapon slightly, asking how you know his name.

Turns out the man is Capt. John ‘Soap’ MacTavish. He explains how he was on his own mission with his team, trying to disarm an unknown weapon. Only when it went off, instead of dying he ended up here. You introduce yourself and John falters a bit, explaining he hasn’t heard your name in a long time.

You three make your way over to the safe house, mission on hold until you can help John get back to his own world. With the mission pause though, MacTavish starts his usual way about treating you, not caring his alternative self is there to watch. Maybe this John also didn’t like you in his universe.

That idea soon flies out the window when an hour later you hear John berating MacTavish loudly for his attitude towards you. Walking into the room they’re in, you rush between them as they’re both in each others face’s, ears red and the veins on their necks prominent.

You curse them both out for being so loud, they could have exposed your position. Both look down at you, MacTavish breathing hard while John looks at you… with something else. You realise your hands are still on their chest so you pull them away, only for John to gently take hold of your wrist and place your hand back on his chest.

His eyes are shut tight and when he opens them, they’re glossy. He whispers about how much he misses you, how sorry he is for everything, how he wishes it was him that was hit instead. Confessing to you the things he wishes he could have said to his lover, the other you.

Your mouth drops open at this revelation, that this John doesn’t hate you, that he loved you, unable to speak in shock. MacTavish takes hold of your other wrist and puts your hand back on his chest, taking a few breaths to steady himself. You don’t know what that means but you stand there, hands on both Soap’s chests.

Shane Hollander is going to die at the hands of the Pike children for letting their dog get into a giant chocolate stash while puppy sitting. He will be drawn and quartered by seven year old twins if anything happens to this dog. It's 4:57pm on a Friday he flails through the vet office door carrying a very confused looking terrier.

The dog's name is Kitty. Ilya laughs for approximately 4.9 minutes when he sees the chart.

He oftentimes will have to suffer through "beauty time" and ends up with short little curly pig tails.

He gets a family discount on tuition, so his 4 year old son Dmitri is in class with him, even though he's already fluent because Ilya is his папочка.

Shane is already fluent in English, French and Japanese. He's doing his best to teach his twin girls, Ami and Noa, as well. He wants their brains to never stop growing, so why not Russian too. He donates a ton of money for scholarships.

They run into each other at the grocery store, and Ami and Noa are enamored with Ilya's grocery haul. And seeing their teacher in public. He's basically a celebrity.

Shane is "boring" and works at a bank. He lets his girl pick out his tie every day. Ami loves bowties. Noa loves a good ascot. He has 7 identical (Ilya can tell you differences in each one after a few weeks because he pays attention) white button ups that he rotates, and approximately 103 ties.

Dmitri is the result of an awkward one night stand and a momma not ready to be a momma. She is involved as much as she can be.

Shane adopted Ami and Noa when he was just 25. He has spreadsheets for every possible issue that may come up. They both have investment portfolios when they are newborns.

Ami and Noa call Dmitri "Meaty" because they think they're hilarious.

Shane steals the girls' flashcards to bone up on his Russian vocab. Ilya makes vulgar ones for him later in their relationship... With stick figure drawings that should be pixelated.

Dmitri *loves* math. He and Shane bond over it. There are flashcards.

Ilya cries the first the the girls tell him "I love you"... They are over achievers and say it English, French, Russian and French. And a made up language.

Shane is monumentally bad at hair no matter how many tutorials he watches. Ilya masters every them all. "Talented wasted on little boy hair. Dmitri no want pigtails."

They don't really kiss until the 4th date because children always get IN THE WAY. Their first date is a movie date with the kids. Both girls demand to sit by Shane so Ilya has to flirt at a distance. He throws popcorn at him. Shane stretches his arm to rest on the back of the seat, and plays with Ilya's baby curls through the last half of the movie.

The girls LOVE teaching Ilya Japanese. Mostly words like fart and burp. Because Ilya is a mature adult and... They are children.

Ilya is an EMT/paramedic.

They cross paths a lot.

Ilya has the firefighter calendar hung up in his rig on Shane's month, even though it's October but the calendar is set to March.

Ilya is able to help with translation for grandmas that could kick his ass with their pinkie.

Something something playing with fire.

The firehouse gets a dalmatian and named it literally just Dog in Russian.

Ilya makes a lot of firehose jokes.

Shane and Ilya volunteer to teach CPR and emergency first aid classes. Ilya makes a lot of dumb jokes about the mannequins. Shane blushes a lot.

Ilya is a little afraid of heights.

Just the visual of Ilya in a crooked firefighter hat.

They both have a bit of PTSD from years of seeing traumatic stuff.

They go as each other for Halloween nearly every year because they are FUNNY.

Ilya is his bisexual menace self. And poly. So of course he falls in lusty love with Shane because I'm not fucking up that timeline.

But what if he also falls in love with Shane's twin sister. 🫪🤯

And no incest because ewwwuh.