Jul 4, 2025
I combed through public records to uncover who’s been scooping up burned lots in and around the L.A. community—and it’s not your neighbor.
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I combed through public records to uncover who’s been scooping up burned lots in and around the L.A. community—and it’s not your neighbor.
🤦♀️
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New Audio: Alex Amen Shares Breezy "Cabin by the Sea" @ATORecords @pitchforkpr
Altadena Fire Pt. 6: Isolation
I've been living by myself since March. I lived temporarily with my in-laws starting on January 29th, but things turned for the worst on my mental health (and some physical health unrelated to fire issues) and my cats mental health, so I moved in temporarily with my mom mid-remodeling of her home after deep-cleaning the den so the cats could stay at the house, then moved in full-time to my house some time in early March. I did all the remaining house remediation alone, refusing to consider professional cleaning services after learning so many people were getting ripped off by the costs and dealing with workers who half-assed the process. I'm so glad I attended that class in January. I purchased a brand new HEPA vacuum, more of the cleaning chemicals and tools, and went to work all by myself on the entire house. I worked on the house every single day, disposing of unsalvageable furniture, replacing said furniture, using the extractor on what I could save, applying for grants and federal funds, multiple trips to the laundromat, talking with contractors on deep cleaning the HVAC and replacing the insulation, powerwashing the house exterior juggling driving Daniel to and from work from his parents' house, getting back into working my own jobs, sniffing around to see where that one sooty smell is still coming from, and taking care of the cats. No time for myself. None of my friends offered to help clean despite them knowing I was now home and cleaning, and I didn't want to ask them to help if they didn't offer. My mom was too busy dealing with house remodeling and helping our older family to come up. Daniel...Daniel? Where was he? Oh, playing online games again, as usual. I didn't have the mental energy to tell him what to do, but he also didn't bother to volunteer to come up and help me on weekends or after work at least on Fridays. He would tell his friends and coworkers and family that it's "our" house that survived, but I was the one who was doing it all.
A couple weeks after I moved in to the house full-time, Daniel's job announced that he had to come in to the office every day, so no more hybrid work. This meant that I would either have to chauffer him to and from work every day and risk exhaustion from my own jobs + continuous cleaning and usual chores, or just....not do so. Daniel still doesn't drive on his own (I'm not sure if I explained it before, but he doesn't. He can, but won't, previously saw therapy for it but stopped and hasn't continued) and I didn't want to make my mental health worse, so I told him I'd still chauffer him Mondays and Fridays, but every other day he's got to find his own way. Then weekends. What would he do? Would he want to come see me, help out, spend time with me? Would he ask me to go someplace with him to get away from it all for a few hours? Oh. No. He hasn't asked to spend any time with me and instead would be playing games online with his friends. How convenient that the latest Monster Hunter came out during this time, too.
I was alone. Why does this happen? Why is every relationship I'm in end up with me not being good enough to want to fight for despite me trying? I asked Daniel if I was worth anything to him, to want to help me, to want to spend time with me. Didn't he want to live back at the house with me? Didn't he want to sleep by me every night? Didn't he want to be back in a clean house with his wife? Or am I just not worthy of this, worthy of trying to drive again to take care of himself so I could work on what needs to be done instead of caring for, well, everything? I have cried so many times these past few months. I have cried over my isolation, with only one neighbor to keep me company as our street has been wiped. I have cried over Daniel not even asking HOW I am doing, asking if I need assistance with things. I have cried over my friends not offering to help in any way they can. I have cried over no one truly seeing what I was going through aside from my own mother, no one caring about my mental health. I now that fear if I had lost my home, I would have lost myself and everyone would have abandoned me.
Except...one person didn't abandon me, and I cried my first happy tears.
Altadena Fire Pt. 5
Electricity and internet has come back to my house, the water is flowing but is still incredibly unsafe. I go to the house every day and greet it, walk through every room with gratitude, wishing I could stay inside all day. I can't wait to live in it even if it means going to the gym or my mom's house down the street to take a full shower every day. On Thursday Jan 30th I attended a how-to cleaning class and received items from them that professionals used. I only asked for enough for one room, then den. I felt that if I could clean the den on my own enough, then I could bring the cats back safely and start on the rest of the house. On Sunday Feb 2nd I cleaned the den with the equipment and chemicals I received. Once again, I feel beyond thankful that so little soot and damage was done to the house compared to what's around me. Just by sweeping the soot by the door alone made the room smell so much cleaner, though there are still VOCs in the air inside that I can smell. I'm awaiting approval on products to deal with that. We may still hire professional cleaning services that will be covered partially by insurance, but I'd have to let them know that we cannot use ozone cleaning machines as those will require the windows to be open after use for up to 45 minutes which kind of defeats the purpose when the entire outside is toxic. I'm also going to just do all the laundry at a laundromat myself over the course of several days. I've already bagged up Daniel's clothing, so now I just need to work on mine and all the bedding. Honestly, I'm feeling that unless we were to move out completely from the area, we'd be unsafe everywhere below the mountains. So many areas in Los Angeles are still teeming with ash and soot floating in the air. We could easily afford a huge house with a low mortgage like Daniel has always wanted up in Lancaster/Palmdale, but he refuses to move anywhere else that is away from his parents and more than 30 minutes driving distance from his job despite working from home most days of the week. So, if I'm stuck here I have to make the most of it even at the cost of my health. But I'll do what I can to stay clean and safe.
Altadena Fire Pt 4
I attended every virtual meeting, every day. Forgive me if everything below now seems scattered as time seems to have jumped all of a sudden.
Most days were the same. "There is a curfew from 6pm to 6am." "Check the recovery website for your home's official status. It is being updated daily." "Here are the locations for any help you need." For those of us who had intact houses, all we wanted to know was when could we go home? How safe or how dangerous is the area? How much testing needs to be done, or can be done? Every day went by so slowly. ----- I holed myself up in the room with the cats at Selly's until we left on January 19th, where I secured us an Airbnb that was granted to us for free by the company. The house was full of people at this point just being there for the sake of being there, but I couldn't bring myself to talk to my in-laws about what was happening, because they hadn't experienced any of what we went through, hadn't felt or known anyone who went through such immense loss of their livelihood or community. There were no ties for them to feel any sort of pain. Even Daniel was not happy with my isolation. I tried to explain that nearly everything I had known, so much of my childhood, had gone up in flames. The one place in my family in the town that remained I'm not even allowed to live in for the time being. The sheer amount of guilt I feel for even having a place I could someday go back to while my other relatives don't is beyond frustrating. Daniel took all the important items with him, but he doesn't have sentimental items at the house. I have special childhood items that my mom gave to me, gifts given to me by friends I finally made, clothes with special meanings. His family doesn't have much sentimentality or consider items of the past precious, and much of what he has is still at his parent's house under their care. He didn't even take his wedding ring which I saved up hard to purchase for him. ----- January 29th, we left the Airbnb and by this time we were able to go back to the neighborhoods at first with ID verification of being a resident, but then soon after anyone was able to proceed, as long as curfew was still abided by. I applied to FEMA, got inspections done, applied to the Red Cross, and received some funding so I can replace what I toss. We moved back in with my parent in-laws and each day I have been preoccupying myself with deep-cleaning the room we're staying in, going up to the house and trying to clean, chatting with my mom about services we need to hire for cleaning the house...clean, clean, clean. I must clean everything. I spoke with a therapist about this, and she said that cleaning so much is probably my way of dealing with the situation at hand. To make myself and others feel safe, to be safe.
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A PERSONAL ESSAY: My Altadena Strong Story | "The Sky Is Red, And The Mountain Is On Fire!"
A PERSONAL ESSAY: My Altadena Strong Story | "The Sky Is Red, And The Mountain Is On Fire!"
Altadena Fire Pt 3
Sherry texted me two photos on Wednesday at 2:49pm. One was of her neighbor Neal's property to the north, or what was left of it: stairs, a chimney, the front door concrete frame. The second was of her house and my house, grass still intact, front yards still with greenery. There was clear fire behind the houses and we couldn't tell if they were in our yards or in the houses behind us, but it was a temporary relief to see our houses standing. "Maria on the southwest corner said her house was burned." So that's 2 houses so far that confirmed burned on our street.
She texted me again at 7:59pm: "As of 4:30pm your house was standing - the deck was on fire - 2 guys were getting water from our pool and putting it out. Holly was able to get there for a few minutes." Whoever those two men are that helped, I am beyond grateful. I wish I could find their identities and thank them. Just putting out that fire in our backyard saved our house. I told Sherry I would make an attempt to go to the houses the following day since others managed to make it to take full photo assessment of the front and back of both properties. ----- Thursday at 11:15am, Daniel's coworker gave us a video call. "You guys are sooooo lucky." The call was spotty and lagged, but the image was clear enough: our property was 100% intact. Part of Sherry's property was damaged, but only in the back; her ADU where her daughter lived was burned but only on the exterior from what I could see, furniture, plants. The dividing wooden fence between our yards was completely burned but only up to the point where it aligned with my house, and if the wooden fence was actually installed into the ground things could have been a lot worse....the stone wall prevented rapid spread onto our land. The fence that fell was burned most likely landed on my lawn furniture that was donated to me by one of my friends and that's what started the fire there. I decided it was time for me to travel back home to see what I could in person. I arrived around 3:40pm and yes indeed, my house, Sherry's house, and the house to the south of me were all intact.
I checked Sherry's backyard first and took photos. her ADU where her daughter lived was only a barebones structure, and inside was nothing but ashes. Her front house was pristine. My house, garage, and shed were intact if not smelling a bit like char, but not on fire. I could see evidence of where the two men had put out the fire between our homes on the fence as well as our driveway gate that had charring on it and half collapsed, but clearly was extinguished.
The other houses surrounding us on all sides were not even remotely lucky. Aside from my neighbor at the south and his neighbor east of him, the houses behind myself and Sherry didn't make it. None of the other houses on our side of the street made it. Across the street, none. We certainly had gotten so lucky. ----- I went inside my house and photographed every room at the advice of friends. Things smelled like smoke, soot had made it through the door cracks and left piles (and now I know why the house got cold so quickly in the winter), and grabbed a few more things with me. Our Switches. More cat food. The Bible my Mima gave me when I was 7. Extra toiletries. Shorts for Daniel. Extra underwear and socks and shirts for us. One more sweater for me. An air purifier for my mom. The air purifier for my mom was most important as she has asthma and is staying in an AirBnB in Pasadena. She was staying there since Christmas due to construction on her house and refused to evacuate. She was worried sick about the status of her house, so I went to check. Still intact, or as intact as a house under construction could be. The entire neighborhood was safe, really. With my mother now at ease and myself at ease for the most part and a long drive back to Selly's, I chatted with my friends on Discord to keep me sane for the 2 hours drive and then I finally got a full night's sleep. But we're not out of the clear yet. There were going to be virtual meetings to attend on Friday.
Altadena Fire Pt 2
We could hardly sleep as the smoke was getting heavier by my in-laws home. At 7am on Wednesday morning my in-laws woke up and we had a discussion and made some calls. First Robert, my husband Daniel's older brother. He offered his place, but I declined as I have cats that are my first priority. Robert's wife is not fond of animals and claims deathly allergies. I'd rather not put anyone at risk. "Selly will let us stay with her," my husband then said referring to his sister that he called afterwards. "What about your parents? Are they coming, too?" My mother-in-law refused. She was not going to leave unless she was forced. So that was that. We left shortly after 8am, with me asking if we could please stop for food and extra cat supplies. I had to leave my hatchback behind since my husband is unable to make the long drive on his own, so we packed everything into the SUV. I ran into the first PetSmart that opened at 9am on our way to Selly's and grabbed a litter box + litter + scoop, and cat harnesses. When I left the store we got in line for food at a fast-food place. At 9:21am my Aunt Gerri called. "Are you home?" "No Auntie, I have evacuated and am currently an hour away. What's going on, are you safe?" "I'm safe here with Barbara and Tim and Jonathan at the convention center, but I was told my house was burned down, Barbara's house was burned down, Naomi's house was burned down, Emery's house burned down..."
I tried not to swear on the phone. My heart dropped. I immediately called my mom and told her what happened. Four family homes, gone in an instant. Aunt Gerri's loss then had me lose hope that my house was standing. Her house was a 2 minute walk from mine, a stone's throw. And further west, at that. My house would have been eradicated by the flames for sure. I mourned in my heart and tried to stay calm. I had already shaken my nerves solid while evacuating, but they were trying to break free. I must stay calm, I must stay calm. I could not scream or cry, but I ended up crying quietly on the drive to Selly's. I loudly cried hunched over the edge of the bed with Daniel comforting me. I cried for the losses of my family, and cried as I learned more of the losses of my friends. William. Renee. Kareem. Patrick. Charles. The Nuños. More and more heartache. And many were unable to see the destruction for themselves. Those who stayed in Altadena tried their best to take photos and videos of specific streets and addresses. People on the Facebook groups asked about their addresses and general streets, asked about the homes of known names. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Until I received a text from my neighbor, Sherry.