#also hi...again...

"c'mon." he opens the passenger door, waiting on you with bright eyes.

you crawl into his car with a grateful nod and he closes the door once you're buckled in. he slides into the driver's seat himself a few seconds later.

his car still has that new smell to it, lemon-scented disinfectant and something faintly vanilla. it reminds you of a guest room. with you in the seat mc has long claimed, you have always felt out of place. especially when you see hints of her all over the car. such as her cute fruit-themed hair clips attached to the sun visor, or the plush neck pillow wrapped around the headrest of the seat.

it doesn't bother you as much as it once did.

at least, that's what you tell yourself all the time. that you're content with where you stand in his life. honestly, you can't picture a relationship with caleb anyways. it's too far-fetched of an idea. you've grown just as complacent as you are cowardly, and that is okay with you.

"i don't even know who she wants me to meet today," caleb says as he pulls the car out onto the road. he has an awkward smile stretched across his face. "but she seemed super excited about it on the phone."

"you don't seem too excited about it though," you point out, staring at his side profile. he's so pretty.

he pauses for a moment, then sighs, "you're right."

"i'm not looking forward to it at all," he grumbles, hands tightening on the steering wheel. "i mean, i'm glad she's introducing me to her friends, but at the same time…" he groans, frustrated with his inability to articulate his emotions. "i dunno."

you nod slowly. "riiight."

"well…" you take a second to gather your thoughts. "at least you're giving it a shot?"

he snorts. "yeah, yeah."

"seriously." you catch the corner of his eye.

at a red light, he angles his face to look at you.

"you and i both know she appreciates you just being there for her." you assure him.

he hears you— he does. you're one of the few people he actually listens to.

"you're right." he flashes you a grin and his shoulders finally rest comfortably. "thanks."

"i've got you." you match his expression, happy to be of any help at all.

the gentle beat of his laughter fills into the car, warming up the atmosphere even more. he says a lame joke at one point that has you curled over from how bad it was. the rest of the ride goes smoothly thanks to you.

eventually, caleb parks the car at some really nice looking cafe. he should probably compose himself before going in, but he doesn't even get a chance. he spots mc at one of the outdoor tables, seated with someone very familiar.

"no way." leaving you in the dust of confusion, he rushes out of the car.

his suddenness influences you into a hurry, frazzled as you chase after him.

"caleb, wait—"

"caleb!" mc exclaims, cheerful and bubbly. her shout drowns out your voice.

she waves for him to come over. "hurry! you won't believe who just moved back to linkon!"

caleb approaches their table and you stumble over behind him.

"what the…" he stares at the man across from mc, eyebrows raised high onto his forehead. "zayne? is that really you?"

zayne pushes out of his seat and stands in front of caleb.

"it's nice to see you again, caleb." he holds out his hand with a calm and collected expression, though there's a mirthful glint in his eyes. he was probably in on this surprise.

"sure…" caleb frowns, shaking his hand like an unwilling child.

"glad to have you back, man." his words sound a bit strained, but no one comments on it.

zayne's gaze soon transfers over to you, his hand now held in your direction. "and you must be..?"

you give him your name, introducing yourself with a polite smile. you then shake his hand with faintly concealed familiarity. you know a lot about him from mc.

"it's nice to finally meet you, zayne." his name is foreign on your tongue.

"likewise." his hand is firm and lukewarm.

it was difficult to spot, but you swear you saw a flash of recognition in his hazel eyes.

"mc has spoken about you in great detail." he's staring at you very closely. you get the sense he's trying to commit you to memory. "i look forward to getting to know you." although a bit stiff, he doesn't seem to be lying.

suddenly, mc cuts between you and zayne for a hug. she wraps her arms tight around you.

"i'm so glad you could make it!" she squeals.

she rubs her cheek against the side of your face, a gesture that reminds you of a very clingy cat. it brings your lips into a big smile, eyes sparkling with the same amount of affection for her as she holds for you.

"thank you for letting me tag along."

your eyes flit over her appearance.

"you look so pretty today, mc." you coo, fixing a strand of hair out of her face. your eyes are warm and honey-sweet.

"really?" she grins. "but i think you're prettier!" she giggles, a compliment that brings you great confidence.

"girls, girls." caleb presses the palms of his hands on both of your heads, patting twice. "you're both pretty," he chuckles.

"can we sit down now?"

"oh, right— yeah!" looping her arm around yours, mc walks you to her side of the table. she sits you down, fixes her skirt, then sits down herself. you don't miss how she subconsciously scoots her chair closer to yours.

she raises an eyebrow at the two men still standing. "what are you guys waiting for?" she grins. "sit, please!"

caleb easily obliges and zayne follows behind. it doesn't take seeing eyes to notice the tension in the air. it's stifling. you can hardly breathe through the tense atmosphere.

"umm…" you glance between caleb and zayne.

noticing this, mc snickers. "don't mind them. caleb's just pouting because we surprised him."

"i am not." caleb slumps in his seat, frowning. his eyebrows are nearly knitted together into one line.

"i just can't believe this guy is actually moving back to linkon." he points at zayne using his thumb. "he never once visited after he moved."

zayne blinks his eyes a few times, adjusting the glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. "i do find that regrettable, but i can assure you that we'll have plenty of opportunities to make up for lost time."

abruptly sitting up, caleb snaps his head towards zayne. "are you nuts?" he sputters. "why on earth would i wanna spend any time with you?"

his cartoonish behavior tickles you. in an attempt to restrain your giggles, you press your hand against your quivering lips.

"caleb, be nice." mc sighs. "i know you're secretly happy that zayne's back."

"i'm really not, though?!"

your laughter finally spills out of you, muffled against your palm before you move it away.

"hey." caleb looks at you with narrowed eyes. "what are you laughin' at over there?"

your hand falls to your lap, cheeks hurting from your wide smile.

"isn't it obvious?" your answer is hidden within a single glance.

"laughing at me is not nice." he huffs, unable to hold back a smile of his own.

mc giggles beside you. "he always acts this way with zayne," she says, nostalgia sprinkled in her eyes like stars in the night sky. "you don't know how many times he would start fights for absolutely no reason."

"it's true," zayne confirms before caleb can even defend himself. "i always found it quite concerning." he stares at caleb, the boy from his childhood overlapping with the man seated next to him.

caleb crosses his arms, grunting, "quit lookin' at me like i'm some sort of lab rat."

"that isn't the case at all." zayne chuckles, airy and low. "i'm simply surprised by how little you've changed, caleb."

"what is that supposed to mean?" he glares at the other man.

you heard mc exhale quietly. "both of them are still the same," she quietly says, making sure only you can her. you don't understand, but you give her hand a squeeze in acknowledgment.

mc joins in the middle of their bickering, bringing up stories of three children playing tag at the park, or catching fireflies in the backyard. something warmer and delicate washes over them in that moment. cherished memories pull the three into a loving embrace, sparking laughter from both caleb to zayne. the sound is a mixture so unique and pleasant in your ears.

it's such a lovely sight. sure, you might feel like an intruder, someone on the outside looking in, but you can't deny how peaceful they appear.

and as your eyes linger on caleb, you begin to realize that you have never seen him look this free before. you wonder if he smiled this way when he was a child.

a hum of a chuckle catches your attention and your focus shifts towards zayne. his thin lips are subtly lifted upwards in the corners, eyelashes fluttering, framing forest-green eyes that are heavy with emotions you know very well— a devotion so pure and unwavering.

following his line of sight, your gaze lands on mc.

of course.

you aren't surprised in the slightest. your friend is as radiant and endless as the sun. as envious of her as you are, you aren't immune to her charm. his fascination is completely understandable.

so, when your eyes fall back onto zayne, they're softer. knowing.

unexpectedly, his eyes meet yours.

you blink at the connection, your cheeks flushing a deep red. embarrassed to have been caught staring, you offer him a small and apologetic smile.

it takes him a moment, but he nods in understanding.

zayne soon speaks up, "i hope we're not making you uncomfortable." he carries an apology through his words, unspoken, but present.

"not at all," you respond quickly, shaking your head side to side. "i'm just happy to be here. especially since i got to meet you."

zayne pokes at the last piece of his cake before lifting his gaze back up. "me?"

"yes, you." you nod. "mc told me a lot about you— like how you're an accomplished doctor when you're not even in your thirties." awe clings to your words as you speak. to you, meeting zayne was similar to meeting a local celebrity. that is how impressive mc made him out to be.

he clears his throat, blinking until his eyes are away from you. "i firmly believe that age has little to do with one's capabilities."

"that's funny coming from a genius." mc butts in.

his eyes widen. "a genius?" he frowns, glancing at mc who has been staring at the two of you for a while now.

she giggles, holding up her hands. "i know you hate that word, but it's true!"

"he got into med school when he was fourteen years old." she tugs on the sleeve of your shirt, excited about his accomplishments as if they were her own. "can you believe that?!"

"fifteen," zayne corrects her.

you clap your hands together and mc is quick to join in, successfully creating a two-person audience.

"you're awesome, dr. zayne! " you beam with sincerity and a hint of playfulness

mc repeats, "you're awesome!" like a faithful minion of mischief.

the obvious teasing makes zayne groan. his ears are tinged red with embarrassment.

he glances at caleb for help only to be met with a lazy shrug.

caleb laughs, a sly smile dominating his lips, "you're on your own, man."

"you're of no help at all." zayne mumbles.

he then pushes out of his seat, wanting to escape, even for a few minutes.

"i'm going to order myself another cake," he announces.

"we'll let you off easy this time, dr. zayne."

"thank you."

you stand up as well.

"can i come with you?" you carefully ask.

you were teasing him just a minute ago, but you hope he can look past it. you aren't sure you'll survive being left alone with mc and caleb.

"i want to get something to drink."

"i can buy it for…" the rest of zayne's sentence dies on his tongue. there's something in your eyes that wills away his offer to buy it for you.

"you may." he says after a heartbeat of thought.

he clears his throat, somewhat startled by his unconscious response.

"let's go together."

you flash him a thankful smile and step away from your seat.

glancing back, you catch mc's hopeful look. "do you want me to get you something?"

"yes!" delighted you ask, she grins at you. "could you please get me a slice of apple pie?"

"of course i can." you pet her on the top of her head, careful not to mess up her hair. caleb already did that earlier.

"what about me?" speak of the devil.

"aren't you gonna ask me what i want?" caleb grins at you.

he has an elbow propped up on the table, his chin resting on the palm of his hand. his face is relaxed and full of unspoken expectations. he appears confident you'll get him whatever he wants. clearly, you've spoiled him way too much.

"no way." you stick your tongue out at him. "i'm not getting you anything."

"hey!" he shrieks. "that's not fair!"

you laugh into your fist, ignoring him as you and zayne depart from the table.

when you two get inside, zayne stalls in front of the display of desserts, a contemplative frown pressed deep onto his face. he's taking his options very seriously, it seems. he reminds you of a child at a toy store… or caleb at the lego store.

"can i get you anything?" the employee behind the counter asks, pulling your attention away from zayne.

you nod at her, smiling as you order your favorite drink.

"could i also get a slice of apple pie and a glass of lemonade?"

"absolutely!" she takes your name and quickly gets to work.

"lemonade?" zayne questions.

you refuse eye contact. "yeah. lemonade."

"i wonder why you would need two drinks." he steps closer to you. the teasing lilt in his voice makes your face hot.

"i'm not allowed to have two drinks?"

"i was simply making an observation." though his tone may be dry, his amusement is painfully obvious. in fact, it's so crystal clear that your cheeks redden even more.

zayne doesn't tease you anymore than that. he focuses on ordering his treats. to your surprise, he lists a lot more than just one slice of cake.

"the macarons are for you." zayne says, unprompted. "if i remember correctly, mc once told me you liked them."

"i do…" you warily agree.

you're touched by his kindness, but you can't shake off the feeling that he's trying to work an answer out of you. are you reading too much into this?

no. no you're not.

hidden in the depths of zayne's steady gaze is a hint of anticipation and a silent, "since i shared my intentions with you, i hope you will do the same."

you give up with a groan.

"the lemonade is for caleb." you finally admit, arms crossed over your chest. "it would be mean if i didn't actually get him anything."

"how thoughtful." his lips twitch. it's not quite a smile, not effortless like when he's talking to mc, but it's similar.

an unfamiliar laugh spills between you two.

"gosh, you guys are so cute!" the girl that took your order exclaims. she urges you forward, handing you a tray of your requested things.

"i'm sorry?" you laugh, bewildered.

"you and your boyfriend." she gestures between you and zayne. "i can tell you two just started dating. my boyfriend and i were just as awkward in the beginning!"

"no, we're not…"

the girl suddenly points out the window where caleb and mc are. "you're on a double date, right? that's literally so cute!" she squeals.

your mouth presses into a thin line. turning your head over your shoulder, you see the two talking animatedly about something. their closeness is apparent even from this distance— and the look on caleb's face? the one where he stares at mc like she hung the moon and stars in his sky?

they look good together. complete.

"we should get going now." zayne says, a hand hovering over your back. "our friends are waiting for us."

blinking rapidly, you nod and return to reality, pushing away the thoughts that haunt you more than a ghost ever could.

"thank you." you say to the girl behind the counter.

she waves you both goodbye. on your way out the front door, you vaguely hear her coworker scolding her for being too intrusive.

zayne doesn't say anything. even if he noticed something, he doesn't mention it at all. it's hard to tell what he's thinking through his silence, so you stay quiet yourself.

"there you two are." mc bounces in her seat. she pulls your chair out from under the table and grins at you, starry-eyed as she urges you to return to your seat.

"here you are." you hand her the plate of apple pie before sitting down at her command.

"thank you!"

as she digs into her pie, you wordlessly hold out the sparkling glass of lemonade towards caleb. the cubes of ice clink against the glass loudly, almost mockingly.

"what's this?" caleb takes hold of the cup, snickering, "you actually got me something?"

"no, that would be from me." zayne cuts in.

"huh?" you and caleb both turn to him.

zayne locks eyes with you. it isn't a connection that lasts long at all. if anything, it's gone within a blink. despite that, you somehow managed to catch onto his intentions.

"yeah." your mouth wobbles. "zayne thought of you. isn't he so nice?"

you and zayne share another glance. you see it again, that hard-to-spot playfulness concealed behind his calm demeanor.

"really?" caleb narrows his eyes in suspicion. "that's… weird."

"how so?" zayne curiously peeks at him.

"dunno."

instead of pushing for an answer, zayne's attention returns to you. he slides the plate of brightly colored macarons across the table, setting it right in front of you. looking at him, you find that he's staring intently at the plate.

"let's share," you suggest.

he stills awkwardly, but then nods.

"thank you."

he can't say no to sweets, you note. you'll have to take advantage of that sometime.

after that, the rest of the gathering proceeded smoothly. it was a good experience. you took to zayne like a duck in water. sure, you may have only gotten to know him on a surface level, but you did exchange phone numbers with him. if you read him correctly, you were able to tell that he was genuinely interested in talking more. even mc noticed.

mc was ecstatic to realize how well you and zayne got along. she had already set the next get-together for next week before whisking zayne away on her bike. he appeared particularly pale at the sight of her motorcycle, but he didn't refuse her offer. it tickled you silly.

"hey." caleb makes himself known by pressing his hand gently to the small of your back. his hand is warm and inviting.

"let's get you home."

"mhm, thanks."

in the car, he's unusually quiet. you mindfully keep to yourself, used to sinking into the background whenever he needs space to think. you're sure it has something to do with mc. you can only wait patiently until he's ready to talk.

"soooo," he begins after a minute of silence.

he taps a finger against the wheel, glancing between you and the red light hanging above the road.

"i saw how well you and zayne clicked."

your head bobs up and down slowly, confusion tinted across your face.

"yeah," you respond, "zayne's nice."

he stares at you. "just nice?"

"…what's this about?" you squint at him. "why are you being weird?"

"i'm not, i'm not— promise." he says just a little too quickly.

he clears his throat, "i just think… maybe you shouldn't get too close to him?"

"what?"

the car behind you honks loudly. caleb flinches in surprise and steps on the gas in a hurry.

"look, i've known zayne since we were kids," he starts awkwardly.

"he's not a bad guy, but he can be a little careless. he does things that are hard to understand," he babbles, "i mean, he's made mc cry more times than i can count. not on purpose, but still..."

you raise an eyebrow at him. "so?"

"sooo," he chuckles, "you definitely deserve a better man than him." he says with full confidence.

"do you catch my drift, rocketship?"

it finally clicks.

"what." you laugh in disbelief.

"caleb, i am not romantically interested in zayne!" you shriek, "i just met him!"

"i know, but—"

reaching over the center console, you pinch his arm through his jacket. "knock it off," you seethe. "don't act all overprotective with me. save that for mc."

he whines in pain, briefly taking one hand off the steering wheel to rub at the spot you pinched sore.

"you know i'm only like this 'cause i care about you," he says through a small pout.

he has both hands on the wheel again, avoiding your glare by focusing on the road in front of him.

"i know you care, but that doesn't mean you get to decide who i can and can't get along with." this is a boundary you're not willing to bend for him.

even if he reciprocated your feelings, you knew you would never yield to his possessiveness.

and he seems to understand that. after all, he's been your friend for a while. he may not know all your secrets— especially not the one that caused your heart to thump loudly in its cage— but he understood you well enough to know better. still, he couldn't help but toe your bottom line. the sight of you getting along so well with zayne made him feel weird.

"i'm sorry." he says, knowing he owes you that much and more. "i really won't do it again."

he parks the car and turns half of his body towards you, donning that one expression you and him both know you're weak to. you usually fall victim to his puppy-dog eyes and give him the forgiveness he desperately wants. if it were any other time, you would absolutely do so. it's only right now that you're finding it difficult to give in.

it isn't as if his behavior is unforgivable. you two have fought over smaller things. you could easily give him an 'it's okay' and move on with your day. the issue was that there's something heavy in the air that neither of you cared to acknowledge.

does he somehow know about your feelings for him?

that was your only guess. if that is where his concerns stem from, you could understand why he avoided mentioning it. he was comfortable with the closeness you two shared. you had become his rock. he had reduced you to emotional support that he has long taken for granted. he didn't want you to give that piece of yourself to anyone else.

you knew that already.

however, you suddenly want more than this. not something more with him, but something beyond him.

"please talk to me." he scoops up your hand, the one within his reach, clinging onto you with unprecedented nervousness.

you make the mistake of meeting his gaze. his purple eyes always had a hypnotic effect on you. although you still have a lot to think about, you give him a small smile.

"it's okay." you slip your hand away from his. "we're okay, okay?"

he nods, slowly and unconvinced. "okay."

his mouth opens and closes a few times like a fish out of water. he can't seem to figure out what to say next.

it brings a tiny giggle out of you.

"get home safely, caleb." you say, pushing open the car door.

"yeah…"

you exit and wave him a quick goodbye, your steps hurried as you make your escape. he watches you restlessly. something has shifted. that much he can tell.

but as he pulls his car out and drives off, he can't find it in himself to drag you back down to his personal hell.

zayne had messaged you the moment he had gotten home.

it was a very clean "i look forward to getting to know you."

you were a bit uneasy talking to him, but he was a better conversationalist than you had initially thought. from there, the messages grew in number thanks to his efforts. he tried his best to reply whenever he was able.

ignoring caleb's advice, you have been spending a lot of time with zayne. he was a breath of fresh air in a complicated time of your life. zayne may be aloof, and sometimes awkward, but he is honest. grounding. not in the same way you had steadied caleb when he needed you, but in a way that felt lighter. reciprocated.

lately, zayne has shown great interest in exploring the restaurants in linkon. some new, others old. you were curious about the memories he had at certain places, so when he had asked you to accompany him, you easily agreed.

"you should try this." zayne says as he cuts a piece of fish from his plate. he sets it down on a smaller plate before sliding it in front of you.

you poke at the piece of fish with your fork. "what is it?"

"don't play with your food." zayne mildly says, his tone scolding. he then answers, "it's crispy sweet and sour carp."

you carefully scoop it into your mouth, instantly enjoying the smoky and sweet flavor combination. you lick the residual sauce off your lips, grinning. "it's delicious."

"i'm pleased you think so." he stares down at his food, hands paused in place.

breaking free from his momentary contemplation, he asks, "would you like to share?"

you smile at him. "no thank you," you respond, shaking your head side to side. "i'll order it next time we're here."

"i'm not some sort of monster that steals food from good doctors," you joke.

"lucky me."

pleased, he returns to his meal. it's always pretty quiet when you two dine together. he's not much of a talker as he is a listener, and you don't usually have much to say yourself. not at the moment, at least.

there's never any pressure to force a conversation with zayne. he has always made that very clear. he's comfortable with his silence and you're comfortable with your own.

"will you be ordering dessert?" zayne asks as soon as he's finished with his plate. he dabs a napkin against his mouth as he waits for your response.

"i'd love a glass of wine instead."

he nods. "i will order it."

"thank you."

your wine was brought over first, to which you enjoyed with great pleasure. in comfortable silence, of course, until zayne spoke up.

"i've enjoyed getting to know you," he suddenly confesses.

you blink a few times over your glass of wine. once his words sink in, your face softens.

"do you really mean that?"

"yes." he nods. "from all that i have heard from mc, i always assumed we would get along. seeing it actually come to fruition is quite rewarding."

"aww." you chuckle, "i'm glad to be your friend too, zayne."

he laughs through his nose, the faintest hint of a smile on his lips.

continuing his train of thought, he says, "however, mc failed to mention one very important detail about you." his expression suddenly shifts.

you're almost afraid to ask, but you do it anyways. "and what do you mean by that?"

zayne's eyes droop into two slow blinks. he opens his mouth to respond, but hesitates a few times before he can no longer help himself.

"she failed to mention your feelings for caleb." he finally says.

you tense up immediately, pause for a few seconds, then deflate with an incredulous laugh. "wow," you swallow, "you're more perceptive than mc made you out to be."

"i only noticed it because i am familiar with it myself." he responds.

"are you admitting to your own unrequited love?"

he hums.

"what an unusual place in our lives we have found ourselves in." you swirl the wine around in your glass.

"do you perhaps have a cure, dr. zayne?"

zayne shakes his head. "i'm afraid not." he replies. "love is not an illness."

"boo." you huff.

"besides, i believe you aren't in need of medication." his voice held an air of confidence. "you are taking very good care in spite of everything."

he murmurs," i admire your resilience."

your face flushes.

"you…" you avert your gaze. "you sure are full of compliments today," you cough.

"it isn't just flattery." he assures you. "it's the truth."

"i certainly don't carry myself with nearly as much grace."

there's a faint but present pause. his self-criticism always seamlessly works it's way into many of your shared conversations. it shocks you every time. zayne isn't as secure as he comes off. despite being everything that he is, he still has a less than ideal perception of himself.

you have to take a deep breath just before responding, "you're okay to me, zayne." you lock eyes with him fully. emotionally.

his breath hitches, startled with the sudden weight held in your gaze.

"it feels a little silly, doesn't it?" your words soften around a smile. "loving someone whose heart is already taken, i mean."

"yes," he agrees, "you only ever see this kind of thing in dramas."

"right?" you chuckle.

taking in a deep breath, you press on, "but i see you, zayne. your efforts do not go unnoticed." you say. "you are doing well in your own way."

zayne exhales quietly. you barely hear it under the restaurant's murmur, but you catch it, and you don't miss the subtle hint of relief that comes from it.

"thank you." his lips twitch into something resembling a stiff smile.

"if it isn't too much to say, getting to know you has been the highlight of this year." he says, eyes gentle and dripping with sincerity.

your heart burns in a painfully pleasant way, similar to stepping into a warmed home after being out in the cold for too long.

"it isn't too much at all." you assure him, matching his warm expression with one of your own. "i actually think the same way."

"i'm so grateful to have you be a part of my everyday life."

he clears his throat, ears flushed red. you're both aware that he isn't used to being this vulnerable. this was a new experience and you're honestly so grateful he trusts you enough to open up.

"oh." zayne murmurs when his eyes catch on something.

turning your head, you spot the host of your table approaching with the desserts.

the host neatly arranges the goods across the table. some of the plates have even been placed within your reach. you weren't really in the mood for desserts, but now you're slightly tempted.

"i don't mind sharing." zayne says.

"i'm okay." you respond, having made up your mind. you're satisfied with your wine. a little drink is the perfect way to top off this lovely evening.

he's about to break into a piece of tiramisu when you hurriedly speak up. "oh, wait!"

you ask, "can i take a picture for my moments?

he pauses, hesitant to wait for long, then agrees with a mild pout.

with a hurried thanks tumbling out of your mouth, you pull out your phone and slide onto your camera app. it takes a few seconds until you manage to get a good angle of your glass of wine, all the desserts on the opposite side of the table, and zayne himself. he's stiff, especially after the first two clicks of the camera.

"that should be more than enough pictures…"

"just one more!"

"…" resigned, he nibbles on his empty fork.

you snap one last picture of the table, purposefully making it so that zayne is visible from only the neck down.

satisfied, you give him a thumbs up. "all done."

"thank goodness." he eagerly cuts into his cake. "i was afraid you had turned into a monster that forbade me from eating sweets."

you quirk an eyebrow at him.

"well," you thoughtfully hum. "that doesn't sound like such a bad idea."

his eyes widen, dread quick to pale his face. "why exactly do you say that..?"

"a certain someone had to visit the dentist just last week because of a toothache," you recall. "drastic times call for drastic measures, don't you think?" you smile behind the rim of your wineglass.

"no… i don't agree with that at all." he subtly pulls his plate of cake closer, afraid you might act on your words.

cute.

"i'm just teasing you." you reach over the table with a napkin in hand, gesturing for him to wipe away some red jam that ended up on his chin.

he misunderstands, leaning forward so you can do it for him. without bothering to correct him, you smoothly rub the napkin across his skin, wiping the jam off in one go.

"that wasn't a very funny joke." he mumbles, words disappearing behind a bite of another dessert.

"i promise to never joke about becoming a monster that will take away your sweet treats," you say with a hand over your heart, forcing yourself to appear serious.

he relaxes. "good."

once again, silence falls upon you and zayne. you welcome it. it's peaceful and enjoyable, and it has you smiling at zayne for no reason at all.

but it isn't long until the quiet is interrupted by the incessant vibrating of your phone. it's a bit alarming since you don't usually get that many notifications all at once. worriedly, you tug your phone out of your bag.

8 comments on your moments post, 19 unread text messages, 10 missed calls.

all from caleb.

"i'm going to take this call real quick," you say, the device vibrating obtrusively in the palm of your hand.

zayne nods, curious but understanding. "take your time."

feeling terrible about leaving him alone, you decide to make this call quick. you rush into the bathroom in more than a hurry and lock the door behind you. on the twelfth oncoming call, you hurriedly accept it with a swipe.

"caleb—"

"who are you with right now?" caleb asks the moment the call goes through.

you take in a deep breath. "i'm with a friend." you make an effort to level your voice, not wanting to come off one way or the other.

"a friend?" he scoffs. "from the picture on your moments, that place looks fancy. you're not on a date, are you?"

your fingers clench around your phone. "i don't know why that matters to you, caleb."

"why would it not matter?" he huffs, "who are you with?"

then, there's a deep second of silence.

"are you with zayne?"

you inwardly cringe.

"no. it's not zayne."

"don't lie to me." his voice sounds lower than normal. raspy, like a growl. "didn't i tell you not to get too close to him?"

you snap back, "didn't i tell you not to act this way with me?"

caleb let's out a sound that mimics both a groan and a sigh.

"just stay where you are. i'll come pick you up."

"caleb."

"what's the address? oh, wait. it's tagged on your post—"

"caleb!" you nearly yell, "stop it already!"

time stands still for a few seconds, a nothingness that has you feeling out of breath. you can only hear the static on the phone and your loudly thumping heart.

"i won't talk to you anymore if you actually show up." this is your ultimatum.

caleb is precious to you, and he always will be in his own special way— but you have to draw a line somewhere.

he scoffs, "you're joking."

"i'm not."

hearing the resolute tone of your voice has caleb all choked up. "…fine."

"enjoy your date with zayne." he ends the call abruptly after getting one last word in

you stare at your phone screen, shocked, but not surprised. he's surprisingly childish at times. he and mc have that in common.

regardless, it still pulls a frustrated groan out of you.

you love him.

even after realizing you wanted more than simply loving him, it's still hard to let it all go. your feelings have become a part of you and a part of your friendship with caleb.

where on earth do you go from here?

you take a minute to calm yourself down before leaving the bathroom. caleb can wait. right now, you'll enjoy your time with zayne. he's really good company and you're in serious need of a friend.

despite your minor spat with caleb, you're smiling on your way back to the table where zayne is seated. he makes everything a little bit better.

"you and caleb…" zayne begins, trailing off awkwardly. concern dribbles off his voice in a way you haven't heard before.

"what about us?" you urge him to continue his thought.

you aren't oblivious to what he's hinting at. a small part of you simply wants to tease him. it's become a newfound habit of yours. you enjoy poking at him in harmless ways. he hasn't picked up on it yet, so you've been having the time of your life.

"you two are… fighting." he carefully states, lips pursed. that wasn't the way he wanted to bring up the topic and now he feels a somewhat silly.

you giggle. "yeah," you nod while talking, "we aren't exactly on speaking terms right now."

"do you want to talk about it?"

"well…" you blink slowly.

you don't really think it's that big of a deal. you and caleb may be in a bit of a cold war situation right now, but you were in no way afraid that this would be the end of your friendship with him. you two just needed some time apart.

but, honestly, maybe talking about it would make you feel less… numb.

"i'm okay," you assure him. unfortunately, he doesn't seem convinced in the slightest.

"are you sure?"

"absolutely."

zayne quiets, his face knowing.

you crack under his hard gaze.

"okay, okay." you laugh a little.

"i don't know anymore." you confess, trying to appear nonchalant by shrugging.

"my friendship with caleb has always been a bit messy." your voice shakes. "honestly, i assumed it would always be this way so i just, i dunno… stopped thinking about it too much?"

"you started avoiding the main issue," he concludes. not to mock or criticize you. he speaks in an uncertain tone, recognizing another thing you two seem to share.

laughing, you agree with him. "i've been avoiding it for a while now."

zayne sinks into his thoughts. his features strain against emotions that threaten to fully escape him.

"it would be hypocritical of me to condemn your behavior." he frowns an inch more. "i also find it easier to simply step away from certain situations."

you stare at him while he continues.

"however, it always results in the same conclusion." his gaze hardens.

"a mistake." he says, firmer, "a regret that will accompany me for as long as i live."

his words are a bitter medicine you force yourself to swallow down.

"even if it haunts me, i don't want to face it." you stubbornly say. "being honest with him would change everything."

there's a heavy silence before, "i didn't say those things to force you into a decision you are not ready to make." he says. his tone carries a hidden apology. "i only wanted to offer you my perspective."

"we are more alike than i imagined."

you smile. wryly, but also with a hint of affection. "we are," you murmur.

"perhaps," zayne reaches over and clasps onto your hand, "it would be best to keep some distance."

"what?" you blink. "you're suggesting i avoid him after warning me about running away from my problems?"

he immediately shakes his head.

"i believe there's a difference between running away and practicing distance." finally, his face untwists and melts. "you give far too much of yourself to him."

your mouth quivers open and shut. you can't deny what he's saying. if anything, you gave more than just "too much" to caleb. you gave him the world when he never even asked for it.

you can't fully remember your life before you started loving him.

what did you used to do instead of spending every day and night messaging caleb?

aside from him and mc, which of your friends did you hang out with in the past?

who were you before caleb?

thanks to zayne, you've come to realize just how much of your life you have neglected— how many friends you sidelined for someone that would never give you what you want. realizing this, you're filled with shame.

"you make a really good point." your eyebrows furrow, bringing your face into something resembling determination. "i still have a lot waiting for me outside of caleb."

"for example…" you smile at zayne. "you."

"i genuinely treasure our friendship." a fuzzy feeling tickles you from the inside of your chest. it brings a chuckle out of you, the sound somewhat giddy. "you have reminded me of everything that i took for granted. i forgot how nice it is to have an actual friend."

zayne smiles back at you in his own way.

"you are a friend i cherish as well." he says. this time, his ears don't burn red. his sincerity comes without shame.

your heart swells with pure endearment. "i'm glad."

"can i continue relying on you to keep being my friend, dr. zayne?" you playfully ask.

catching on, his eyes twinkle.

"only if you continue to accompany me for meals." he replies. "i still have many more restaurants to revisit."

you laugh, "we don't always have to go out to eat."

"what else do you suggest we do?"

"nothing." you easily answer. "we don't need to do anything at all."

worried he might not like the idea, you ask, "does that sound too boring to you?"

"that doesn't sound boring at all." zayne shakes his head side to side. "the thought of doing nothing with you sounds nice." he says. "i can't recall the last time i turned off my brain."

"no brains needed here." you lean into his side.

"hm." zayne nods.

he doesn't press back into you, but you feel a slight shift. it's enough to assure you that he isn't uncomfortable.

letting your eyes close, you breathe in deep, taking in the scent of the day around you. freshly cut grass, the faint sweet smell of blossoming flowers on the trees, and zayne's clean scent. the combination of it all is wonderful to you.

one last big sigh spills out of you and taking its place in your chest is something fuller. tangible. a happiness that does not drip off of another person and onto you.

the changes in your life did not occur through conscious effort.

your late night texts with caleb had dwindled, like the flame of an already-melted candle. you weren't ignoring him on purpose. the urge to text him every single night no longer haunted you. you instead called other friends during the night, talking about this and that. old memories, new plans.

caleb also no longer asked for your time or company. you weren't sure if he was still sulking or was just busy with his own life. all you knew was that he didn't seem comfortable asking for you anymore.

that's the most important change to have recently been made: he didn't come to you for comfort. it was as if that door had been completely closed off to you. in a way, it was sad. you never once held any qualms about being there for him whenever he needed someone to turn to, but even you admit that it had grown to an extent far beyond your means.

you couldn't be there for him forever. you were glad to be a shoulder to rely on, but disappointed by how little help you actually provided. that wore you down more than you had initially thought.

luckily, things have changed. not entirely, just in ways that mattered.

your time is yours again and you were making good use of it— especially right now as you sit beside zayne in the early hours of the evening, waiting for fireworks to soon light up the inky sky.

"today was a mess, huh?"

zayne pulls his gaze from the star-speckled sky. when he turns to you, he smiles wider than he did in the past.

"it was a day full of surprises," he replies.

"that's a nice way to put it."

he laughs quietly, not yet looking away even when you already have. he watches you enjoy the sight of the stars. the sparkles in your eyes are much better than the real thing.

"the sunset we saw earlier was beautiful." you recall, still in awe over the sight you saw with zayne. "the river was like a mirror full of gold."

zayne nods in full agreement. "it was worth the trip considering its rarity."

"i think so too." you grin, your head bobbing up and down. "i'm glad to have seen it with you."

you glow in the night. nonintrusive, like you belong with the stars itself. his chest burns pleasantly as he stares at you. he finds every inch of you endearing to a near painful extent.

"i share the sentiment." lifting his hand, he brushes a knuckle against your cheek. he keeps it there for only a second before finding his own behavior quite odd.

"thank you for planning today with me." he says. his hand rests flat on his lap. "it isn't often i do this kind of thing. i barely have much time for it, if any at all."

"i'm happy to pull you away from your work for once." you chuckle, "you're addicted to your work, zayne. i always like seeing you take well-deserved breaks."

he hums. "there's nothing one with devoting yourself to your career."

"if that's the case, then do you plan to marry it?"

his lips curl even more visibly. "perhaps if it were an option." he dryly jokes.

you laugh into your hand, shaking your head while your shoulders bounce. "yeah right!"

suddenly, in the far distant, fireworks explode into the night sky. the colors splash across dark clouds and fizzle out within seconds. mini supernovas, you think. beautiful and brief.

"pretty." you whisper, relaxing at the sight.

"very," zayne agrees. it doesn't sound like his voice is directed towards the fireworks.

you glance at him and he glances at you. the fireworks are close enough that each explosion illuminates your faces, tainting both you and him in a variety of colors.

"you know," you start, gesturing towards him. "if you were to look at mc that way, she'd fall for you instantly."

the unexpected topic startles zayne.

"where is this coming from?" he asks through a subtle frown.

you shrug. "i just think you two would make a cute couple," you explain.

"should i help you woo her?" you bounce on the heels of your shoes. "i can tell you her favorite date ideas or what activities she likes to do—"

"no." zayne shakes his head. his tone isn't harsh, it's firm. "i would appreciate any advice, support, and encouragement, but only that."

"otherwise, my feelings for her should remain a separate matter from my friendship with you."

before he really got to know you, he watched how you danced to caleb's tune. you were his personal court jester, a convenience called in whenever he needed to feel better. caleb took advantage of your soft heart and your endless understanding. zayne saw that firsthand.

that's one of the reasons why he reached out to you in the beginning. he did not like seeing caleb take advantage of you.

"sorry." you hurry to say, flustered. your cheeks flush a dark red. "i just thought— i don't know." you hang your head down low. "i'm sorry."

shifting to the side, you awkwardly put some space between you and zayne.

zayne steps forward, closing the gap.

"don't apologize." his scarred hand circles around your wrist. his grip is loose but there. "i know you mean well."

"mhm." you give him a small smile. "i want you to be happy."

"i assure you i'm the happiest i've been yet." he says. "returning to linkon was the best decision i have ever made."

"sappy." you tease him.

he squeezes your wrist gently. "do you dislike it?"

"not at all."

you lean over, somewhat suspicious. "but are you absolutely sure you don't want me to help you out with mc?"

"my answer remains the same." he confidently retorts.

"you don't need to do anything for me," he murmurs, "you have done quite a lot already."

"really?" you chuckle. "you don't need anything from me? anything at all?"

"well…" he blinks away from you.

"perhaps i could do with a bit more of your time." he mumbles. "aside from today, you've been quite busy."

your cheeks hurt from how much you're grinning.

"awwie," you coo, "have you been lonely without me, zayne?"

he avoids answering and instead says, "it would be nice to spend more time with you."

he made it too obvious, but you let it slide.

"okay, i get it. a certain dr. zayne misses his good friend." a sweet smile blooms across your face. "i think i can give him a teeny tiny bit more of my time moving forward."

"dr. zayne thanks you for your generosity." he murmurs.

"it's my pleasure."

"how does this upcoming thursday sound?" you suggest. "we can have lunch at my place and finish up that co-op game." you don't forget to add, "the one with the save file from when you played it with someone else."

zayne's eyebrows twitch. "that file was from a test run at the hospital."

"mhm. of course dr. zayne plays video games with his fellow doctors and nurses." you laugh, "what was i thinking?"

your teasing makes him sigh, "you are ridiculous."

while you giggle, he silently zips up your jacket and brushes a leaf off your shoulder.

"thursday works very well for me." he says, silently admiring you.

"i know." you sing. "you shared your schedule with me, remember?"

"oh." he nods very slowly. "i had forgotten about that."

"i don't usually share my entire schedule unless it's with colleagues." he gives you a small half-smile. "i suppose only you would want to know my weekly schedule without any real reason."

you narrow your eyes at him. "are you calling me nosy, zayne?"

"no, not at all." a chuckle nearly escapes him. "where did you get that idea?"

"i don't believe you!" you tug on the hem of his coat, successfully bringing the laughter out of him. "hey! stop laughing!"

caleb wonders what you're doing.

are you busy? have you been eating properly? were you working from home today?

do you miss him? he misses you.

he knows he may have gotten too attached, but he never thought he would miss you this much. it's driving him crazy.

every time he thinks about mc, he thinks about you. when he's with her, he compares it to how much better it was when the three of you were together. it's not the same. something is wrong when you aren't around.

caleb misses you so much, but he's scared. scared of what you'll say to him. scared of how you would probably turn him away without even giving him the chance to speak. he doesn't want any of that. he is a coward.

he borrows mc's account information so he can view your social media posts without you knowing.

you seem free, dancing to a song he can't hear. you're moving so easily, from one place to another, creating new memories he never knew you wanted to create. he hears your familiar laughter in brief videos, but the sound is different. you never laughed so freely with him. even your eyes have changed. they're brighter. untangled.

why do you seem so much better without him?

he doesn't like it. you don't miss him at all and it's obvious. that's not fair to him.

he misses you so damn much and the only thing he can do about it is watch you from afar. only this much is allowed. only this.

yesterday, you had went to zayne's house and made him dinner. he saw the completed meal on your moments. it looked delicious.

today, you and zayne were out and about. you had dragged zayne off to an amusement park. caleb watched as you took pictures and posted it to your moments in quick succession. he witnessed each upload in person, secretly watching you from afar.

he wouldn't approach you. he can't.

you're glowing. gorgeous. he hasn't seen this side of you before. not from an outside perspective.

how could he barge into your wonderful day with zayne? as much as he wanted to, he held back. he hid in corners, stood nearby behind groups of threes and fours, sat behind you on rollercoaster rides. he was right there in plain sight, yet you didn't see him. all you saw was zayne.

"i'm sorry. i'm afraid i have to take this call," zayne says, stepping out of line. "this is a very special patient and i need to handle this situation as soon as possible."

"hey, it's okay!" you beam. "we can always line back up afterwards—" someone accidentally pushes you forward, urging you closer to the front.

zayne chuckles from a few steps away. "enjoy the ride. i would love to hear about it when you return." he nods in farewell, hurrying to answer the call in a quieter place.

unable to back out now, you approach the ride operator with an awkward smile. before you could inform her that you're riding alone, she interupts you.

"you two lovebirds better behave~" the friendly girls squeals, guiding you and someone else into the car.

"huh? no, i…"

the gleam in your eyes fade when you recognize the man sliding into the seat across from you.

"he's always doing that." the person in front of you says. his voice is playful, but critical. "always running away whenever he wants."

chestnut brown hair, deep purple eyes that remind you of galaxies, pale skin with lively splotches of pink and red. those were the features of a man you loved more than anything and anyone else.

"caleb." his name falls from your lips not in surprise, but in resignation.

he chuckles once, saying your name with sickening familiarity. "it's been a while, hasn't it?"

he watches you carefully, expecting you to blow up on him. there's a twinkle of anticipation in his eyes, almost as if he wants you to fall apart.

you won't give him that satisfaction.

"what are you doing here?" you ask, much too calm for the storm raging inside you.

caleb purses his lips. his eyes darken beneath his bangs, a silence spilling into the space around you.

he doesn't respond.

a heartbeat later, he stands up from his seat, uncaring of how his actions cause the car to rock slightly.

"caleb?" you grip the edge of your seat. "what are you doing?"

he steps towards you, the shift in weight swaying the car even more. your heart drops into your gut.

"caleb!" you squeeze your eyes shut out of fear.

he sits down next to you.

"it's okay." he carefully unhooks your fingers from the edge of the seat and locks your hands together. "don't worry. i've got you."

you shudder at the warmth of his skin.

"why did you do that?" you huff. opening your eyes, you direct a harsh glare at him. "now the car is off balance."

he smiles apologetically, comfortable in your gaze even if it's full of contempt.

"i just wanted to be closer to you." he whispers. there's a heavy pause before he adds, "i missed you."

you swallow. the sad look on his face twists your heart in a way you thought you had overcome. taking in another deep breath, your sharp edges soften.

"we saw each other just last week," you point out.

"that was at a restaurant with mc and her friends." he huffs, pouting. "we didn't even get to talk that much."

"we don't even hang out anymore." squeezing your hand, he leans closer, forcing his eyes into yours. he's so close that his hair brushes against your forehead. "you've been spending all your time with zayne instead of me."

"that's not true—"

"it is!" he says in a hurry, combative and in a louder volume.

you flinch away from him. you're startled for a second, then angry the next.

"i haven't been hanging out with only zayne." you say, this time without any interruptions. "i have been spending time with other people that are just as important to me. it isn't only zayne."

"what? but you always spent the most time with me." he tugs your hand in his direction, scared you'll pull away from him entirely.

"come on," he nearly whimpers, "can't we just go back to how things were?"

"i really miss you."

your heart races while he stares at you— while he begs you for something you can no longer give him. honestly, a part of you would love to go back to the past. what you had with him was comfortable and fun. it was a bond you will never find anywhere else.

but those times were not all good.

for every late night movie marathon, there were last minute dinners cancelled while you sat in wait at a restaurant. weeks of preparations for a trip that you had to take alone because mc needed him more. u-turns going back to mc's place because it was suddenly storming and he knew she would be scared. all things that couldn't be helped. blameless things. disappointments that you faulted no one for.

you didn't want to go back to those times.

"no." after overcoming the nostalgia, you pull your hand away from him with full clarity.

"no," you repeat, shaking your head. "we can't go back to how things were before. i don't want that."

your eyes catch on something just outside the car's window. the ground is nearing closer and closer. the ride is almost over. thank goodness.

caleb watches the tension fade from your face. he has never seen you so happy to leave him.

exhaling, he asks one last time, "is there really no way to go back?"

you turn to him instantly.

"there's no way i would go back even if i could." you respond.

this time, you offer him no grace. no half-smile or softened expression.

you focus shifts back to the outside world, away from him, and it's then that he realizes that he lost you a while ago.

the car stops at the very bottom, offering you and caleb ample time to get down. caleb exits first and waits at the door, holding a hand out to you like a lord helping a lady from a carriage. you ignore his helpful hand and step down on your own.

you hurry away from the attraction, completely aware that caleb is following you. zayne spots you from afar. he approaches you halfway, his face altered with a blend of concern and confusion.

"why is caleb here?" he asks, holding out a small packet and some water. he blinks between you and caleb, waiting on an answer.

"he was just leaving," you casually respond.

zayne raises an eyebrow at you. "that isn't a very helpful response."

you giggle and shrug. "it's true."

turning over your shoulder, you and caleb lock eyes. "you're leaving, aren't you?"

caleb opens his mouth to object, but the words don't come out. he only sighs and nods. "yeah. i'll go."

"see you later." you wave at him.

"see you." his shoes scrape loudly against the ground as he turns to leave.

after taking a few steps away, he looks back at you.

"what's this for?" you point to the items in zayne's hands, cheeks raised up towards your eyes.

zayne coughs awkwardly. "i thought you would be feeling sick by now."

"what?" you giggle, inspecting the items fondly. "i've been on so many different rides and haven't felt sick at all."

"it doesn't hurt to be prepared in advance."

caleb clenches his fists and begrudgingly continues walking away.

you relax once you notice him disappear from the corner of your eye.

"it's getting late." you pocket the medicine after thanking him with a smile.

"we should start heading home," you suggest.

"yes, we should."

seeing a small group of rowdy kids approaching, zayne presses a careful hand on your back. "this way."

you don't mind letting him lead. he makes it hard not to rely on him. plus, he seems to like taking care of people in his own way.

"you didn't get to ride the ferris wheel today." you say with an exaggerated sigh. "what are you going to tell the little girl at the hospital?" you giggle, "she wanted you to ride that one the most. i remember her insisting on it since it's her favorite."

zayne smiles softly, the mention of his patient bringing a chuckle out of him. "i suppose i will have to disappoint her this time," he says.

"why don't you show your patient the pictures we took?"

"absolutely not."

"but you looked really cute with the silly mascot headband!"

"i'm afraid i have a reputation i would like to maintain."

your eyes crinkle as you giggle. you're giddy after the rough ride you just came out of, allowing yourself to focus more on the present than the thought of caleb.

"surprise!" caleb beams, holding out a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a box of cake in the other.

"i came to celebrate your work promotion." he says, brushing past you in a hurry.

he enters your home, placing the items on a nearby table so he can take off his coat.

"i was also thinkin' about ordering some takeout from that place you really like," he rambles, taking full advantage of your shell shocked state.

you really didn't expect him today.

in fact, you were all dressed up for dinner with your colleagues. him showing up completely threw you off.

"caleb," you call his name carefully, lingering by the open door. "i'm going out."

"can you come back some other time?"

"huh?" he faces you, lips quirked into a pout. "why don't you just stay here with me?" he grins quickly. his jump from one expression is unsettling. "i'll show you a way better time than whoever you're going to meet." he confidently says.

you shake your head instantly.

"i'm having dinner with my colleagues. they planned it just for me." you stress, "i have to go."

"hm." caleb nods slowly. "then i'll wait for you here."

you frown at him.

"come on— please?" he stumbles your way. "i won't do anything. i'll wait right here for you and then we can hang when you get back."

"no, caleb." you open the door wider. "you need to leave."

his eyes widen. "no… no, please don't kick me out." he looks at you with a pale face.

"i'm not backing down from this." you say, determined to get your way instead of his.

"if you want to hang out, you can come over tomorrow. i'm free all day."

"no, i just…"

"please." you hiss. "not today, caleb."

his shoulders slump. "i'll wait for you outside then." he walks back out.

frustrated, you glare at him. "go home."

"no way." he stands in front of you, the doorway an invisible wall between you and him. "you can't make me. i'm gonna wait for you here."

"you're impossible," you groan.

you exit and lock up your door. "i'm going to be really mad if you're still here when i get back."

"don't worry." he chuckles softly, a faint sound that comes off a little sad. "i'll make it up to you just like always."

you catch a glimpse of him, grimacing. "i think you're mistaking me for mc."

"i'm not..." his eyes twitch. "why does everything always have to involve her?"

"what?" you look at him like he's crazy. "are you seriously asking that?"

"yeah."

"caleb," you let out a small, bitter laugh. "when is anything you have to say not about her?"

"you—" his face flushes with shame.

"it's been about you lately," he hurriedly retorts. "i've been thinking about you." he stares at you with shaky eyes. "worrying about you and our friendship…"

"thanks i guess." you shrug. "but i'm okay and so is our friendship."

"it's not and you know it!" caleb nearly yells, frustrated and afraid.

you glare at him. "raising your voice doesn't make what you're saying any more true."

he winces. "sorry…"

sighing, you ignore his apology. "i won't be back for a while." you say, walking past him. "im serious about what i said earlier. you better not be here when i return."

caleb keeps his mouth shut.

you feel a little bad.

why is he so good at guilt tripping you?

barely holding your ground, you leave without even saying goodbye. you're going to make tonight a good time even after caleb's disturbance. your world doesn't revolve around him anymore. you won't let him control which days are good and which are bad.

by the time you arrived at the restaurant, your mood was better. the place your colleagues chose was perfect in both food and atmosphere. you remember one of your friends recommending this place to you recently. you'll have to text her when you get home.

you were happy for the entire event. not once did you think about caleb… aside from the brief minute you spent comparing one of your colleague's dress to his eyes. the dress was the exact same glimmery shade as his eyes when seen in the sunlight.

but that momentary thought faded away after a few blinks. you had gotten better at erasing traces of him, but his existence in your heart persisted no matter how hard you tried. it's hard to unlearn him entirely when he brought you so much joy.

…is he still waiting for you?

you leave the restaurant sooner than you had wanted. your heart couldn't take the weight of guilt. thankfully, your colleagues didn't mind. this was your special day. they yielded for the sake of your comfort and happiness.

caleb could learn a thing or two from them.

approaching your front door, you make out a crumpled up figure beside it. caleb is propped up against the wall, huddled into himself. he reminds you of an abandoned dog. lost, lingering in the place it last saw its owner.

something dark swirls in your chest. frustration, anger, hatred— defeat.

you plant yourself right in front of him. you can tell he's conscious from how he shifts in place.

"caleb." your voice reeks with resentment and pity.

he tilts his head back. his purple eyes glow in the dark. it's captivating when it shouldn't be.

you stare down at him with a grim expression. "what do you want out of this?"

caleb swallows the knot in his throat.

"i don't know." he answers, reaching towards you in one last ditch effort. he grips onto the side of your pants, trying to be your anchor in the worst way possible.

"i miss you." his voice sounds unstable, heavy with emotions he hasn't yet named.

but he looks up at you, desperate to connect with you again. you once understood him more than he understood himself. you saw him for who he was. every pitiful, messy part of him had been put on display and you never hated him for it.

"i really don't get it." you say, lost in the depth of his eyes. "why are you acting like this, caleb?"

gripping you tighter, he speaks as if talking to himself, "we were closer than this."

you frown. "this kind of distance is normal for friends."

"is it?" he scoffs. "then what were we before?"

your lips tighten.

you don't know what to say. in some twisted way, he's right. you gave too much of yourself to him in the past. that wasn't friendship. that was devotion beyond the bounds of a platonic relationship.

"i don't know if we were ever really friends." your voice may shake, but you continue, "i wanted to be more than friends with you, caleb."

your gaze never leaves his. you have finally said what you promised never to say. the secret held in a pristine glass enclosure has now been taken out of its display.

he's the first to break the connection. it's shame that tears his eyes from yours.

"i know." his grip loosens and his hand falls. he hangs his head, chin flush on his chest.

"i'm sorry," he says. for many things, you assume.

although he has trouble letting go, he is still very aware of his feelings. he can't say he loves you the same way you did. what he holds for you could never match the devotion you selflessly gave him.

despite knowing that, what he feels is shapeless and unnamed. he wants to hold onto you and hold you down. your companionship was addicting. he felt so much less alone when you suffered right beside him.

that isn't love, it's destruction.

"go home, caleb." your tone is softer this time.

he nods but doesn't move. "yeah."

he looks at you one more time. just one last time.

he inhales, repeating in an uneven voice, "yeah..." the word a final farewell.

you unlock the door to your home and walk in. not once did you glance back at him.

the sound of the door shutting is final. it echoes.

shivering, you hug yourself in your arms, eyelashes fluttering to combat the aggressive pour of snow. "it's freezing out here," you mumble, teeth chattering.

"tell me about it," caleb laughs as he stops at your side.

he flashes you a grin while holding a paper cup out in front of you. "hot cocoa."

"thanks." you smile in return, grateful for any semblance of warmth. the hot drink does a lot for your bare hands.

your focus shifts from caleb to the other two people a little ways ahead. zayne and mc. the sight of them together doesn't provoke anything in you. in fact, they look so lovely. the small shops and road is blanketed in snow. it makes for a beautiful backdrop for two of your most beloved friends. they remind you of little figures in a snow globe.

caleb sniffles beside you, bringing your attention back to him. he isn't handling the cold very well.

you point to mc and zayne. "she's cuddled up to him," you say. "aren't you gonna go separate them or something?"

"why?" he grins. "are you jealous?"

"nope." you casually say, your response sincere.

you're relaxed, enjoying the experience even if the cold tirelessly bites at you.

caleb whispers your name, but it's whisked away by an intense gust of wind, destined to never reach you.

on the other hand, when zayne says your name, you hear it without any outside forces obstructing his call. it easily catches your attention.

zayne holds a hand out in your direction, urging you to come close, your reflection the only thing in his hazel eyes. you walk over and press your palm flush atop his own.

"i thought you would like to see these." zayne gestures to a shop's display of lanterns. "they often make ice lanterns for many of their festive occasions."

"they're so pretty…" you whisper in awe.

his eyes melt on you. tiny specks of snow cling to your eyelashes like glitter, fluttering away with every blink, brushing against your reddened cheeks as they fall. he finds it extremely difficult to avert his gaze. his heart thumps loudly and he fears what it might imply, both welcoming and fearing it.

"they should be holding a celebration in the upcoming month. i believe it's called frostseal day." zayne says, sounding vaguely nervous.

he clears his throat. "it would be interesting to experience the festivities together, don't you think?"

"i would love to go, but i have a very important work trip scheduled early next month." you glance at him apologetically.

"i see." he nods curtly.

"now that i think about it, i'm not very interested in attending the festival."

"what? but you just…" you burst into subdued giggles, wholly amused by his behavior.

"they're so cute." mc says to caleb. she stepped away from you and zayne a while ago, content with watching from afar.

she has the biggest, most smug smile on her face. "i knew they'd get along."

caleb snorts, "they get along too well if you ask me."

"aww, don't be like that." she nudges him with her elbow. "look at how happy they are together!"

he can't deny that. you're beautiful happy. he'd be a fool to deny the good that came out of this.

"i hope they make it official soon," mc says with restless excitement.

caleb grimaces, the idea of her words coming true is a haunting one.

still, he nods, feigning agreement.

"yeah." he tears away from you and zayne, allowing himself to focus on mc instead.

his heart is still there. he would do anything for her and he will always promise her that. his thoughts may stray, may linger on you and the safety you once provided him— but it will always be mc.

somehow, some way, it's mc.

even if his heart sometimes yearns to rip you from heaven and chain you down to the rotting earth, he will never love you.

"caleb, mc." you beckon for your friends to come over, directing an adoring look their way. the sound of his name on your lips twists caleb's heart into a nasty knot.

"hehe, yes?" mc giggles.

she wiggles her eyebrows, gesturing between you and zayne. "we're not interrupting you guys, are we?"

zayne coughs awkwardly. "there is nothing to interrupt."

"really?" mc hops over and pokes his waist. "i could've sworn something was going on here~"

the two go back and forth, their banter continuing down the sidewalk.

you turn your head over your shoulder, watching caleb watch you. his face is unnaturally pale. he doesn't seem sickly, but scared.

you pity him just a bit. after all, he is your friend. he will continue to be important to you.

"caleb," you hold your hand out towards him, palm facing the sky. "let's go."

an icy breeze brushes past you while you wait on him. he's lost in the clouds still, but you wait. when a nearby storefront light flicks on, it blinds him. he blinks rapidly, returning to reality in a bit of a daze.

"sorry." he's in front of you within a single step.

his close proximity reminds you of the past. the only difference is that there is an invisible wall in the small gap, a secret boundary he both dislikes and respects.

he still manages to slip past the gap. he reaches over and grabs your free hand carefully, as if you were made of glass. he's a bundle of nerves and, honestly, he expects you to pull away without hesitation.

to his surprise, he's met with a smile. his heart doesn't melt, it aches.

"let's go," he says after an awkward gulp.

"mhm." you squeeze his hand and tug him towards your two other friends.

"let's go, caleb!" you exclaim, so bright and so free.

everything seems behind you now.