#alnaking92

You know, I'm thinking not?

I do! The chapter is actually 1,600 words - and it's my priority for today and tomorrow so hopefully I'll get much closer to finishing it, but:

And then after the group finished, Efnisien warily approached Nate and Leo – the last ones left in the hall – and felt like he’d rather swallow his own tongue than speak up. But as they looked at him expectantly, he forced himself to talk.

‘Um, I know it’s not the way it’s normally done. But I have a poem. And I could try…reading it.’

*

Honestly it's such a heartbreaking thing, that Augus loses his original home and he loved it so much.

I think his new home since The Court of Five Thrones is quickly becoming a favourite of his, not least because he can offload 'interesting' pieces of furniture into Gwyn's cabin whenever he wants, and because it resonates with like, og each uisge energy.

So I own and maintain the pretty neglected website Wildspeak, which is a site dedicated to a list or dictionary of animal teachers (or animal guides, depending on the language you want to use. Or totems or spirit guides if you’re still confused, but I don’t use those words to talk about what I do.)

Wildspeak as a website is over 20 years old. It’s moved domains four times, I’ve always coded it myself in very basic HTML, and it’s always been lean on graphics and high on text. It started out even before Geocities, and then moved to Geocities, and then moved to another domain (long before Geocities shut down), and finally to another where it’s stayed ever since.

I do all the artwork myself, and I write all the information myself, and compile all the research. Some of the data is well over 10 years old, and outdated, though the animal meanings and symbolism largely stays the same.

It costs about $390- a year to maintain (if not a bit more), because a surprising number of people use it, and it adds up re: bandwidth.

This is actually part of my spiritual work or duty, so I pay that cost happily, because it’s part of my service to nature and the animal kingdom, and keeps me connected to the world around me. It also allows me to offer something potentially meaningful to other people who want to learn about animals. About 10 times I year I get emails and messages from people asking me what a certain animal ‘means’ if you encounter it in the wild. Sometimes I get messages thanking me. I’ve heard from folks from all walks of life, including - once - Michael Mando (I believe my art is still on his Instagram somewhere).

I’m behind on updating it with new animal teachers largely because I’m still thinking about recoding the database to be more mobile phone / OS friendly. It was built back in the days when people didn’t have laptops, and desktops were the only thing kind of out there. So it’s like a dinosaur, though it’s a dinosaur I love.

Hiya!

Tbh I think Hanks reaction was a whole mix of things, especially as Connor sent the pic with the message: Kara thinks you’re a coward. And Hank knows exactly what that’s referring to (i.e. that he basically ran away from his own dog because of guilt - and also because I don’t think he could handle saying goodbye to Sumo again, let alone hello, so he just didn’t).

So I think a part of him found it really adorable. Like whatever things inside of him assess cuteness just skyrocketed and he probably facepalmed over it. And then there’s the fact that Connor is obviously not only making friends with his dog but clearly really likes Sumo, given they’re both lying on a bed together, and Hank knows Kara has the ‘no Sumo on furniture unless it’s Alice and Alice’s bed.’ And he would’ve immediately seen that it wasn’t Alice’s bed too. So he already knows that Connor is either breaking the rules for Sumo, or that Kara’s allowed Connor to break the rules because he’s made such a good bond with him already.

Then there’s the ‘Kara thinks you’re a coward.’ Tbh, if Connor hadn’t followed that up with another message, Hank wouldn’t have replied. That’s a pretty confrontational line, and Connor pretty naturally tries to bait Hank, even when he thinks he’s not. Connor’s kind of an interesting character to me because he doesn’t think thinks like ‘oh Hank ran away from Sumo that’s an asshole thing to do’ he just on the surface observes that, but he’s pretty judgemental beneath all those layers. It’s just he can’t access his own judgement a lot of the other until another person gives him permission by mentioning it themselves (see: Hank ragging on Connor’s father so much that Connor could finally do it in a more blatant way).

So Connor immediately had the judgement of ‘Hank’s running away from his dog, that’s kind of ridiculous, who runs away from a dog?’ but it never surfaced until Kara said what she said, and that empowered Connor to be like ‘hey guess what Kara said.’ (Imho, I also think this is a way for Connor to avoid saying: I think this. To displace the responsibility of the thought onto someone else, out of fear of punishment. I don’t think he genuinely expects Hank to punish him, it’s just something I think he does as someone who was raised with Perkins).

And so anyway, Hank was pissed off at that line, and guilty, and probably a bit ashamed, and probably ready to be like ‘welp I don’t have to talk to you again basically so fuck off’ until Connor picked a neutral subject: We should talk about the case.

Which is something Hank does want to do! But it also sets off alarm bells in his head because he knows how self-destructive Connor is about it. And he knows Connor needs a break, and frankly, so does he. I don’t think Hank is really telling Connor he needs a break only for Connor’s welfare, it’s a way of securing some thinking space for himself too. Like, he has a lot to reassess, especially re: his own behaviour towards Connor. And he is not a soft or tender person, so I think that’s something he’s aware of too: that Connor needs someone like Kara more than him (he’s wrong, too, btw, although Connor does need a break. But Connor does better with someone like Hank, than someone overtly soft and tender like Markus or Luuk or Kara).

Ah so yeah! Lots of stuff! Mostly ‘shit that’s adorable’ ‘oh no he’s friends with my dog’ the blaring of guilt and shame and missing Sumo like an arrow to the heart (er, that chapter title...) and wanting space away from Connor but then getting this cute photo of this guy he likes to fuck (really likes to fuck) and like, probably also a very mild background thread of arousal because Hank is into Connor in a way that he’s never been into a human before and that bothers him.

Eversion has a high dropping out record? Really? Is that among readers who are familiar with your line of work? Dropping eversion, that’s a life mystery I couldn’t possibly understand……. Like, really? But, BUT

I wouldn’t say it’s high, it’s really only a few, but it’s def ‘high’ compared to other dark fics I’ve written (maybe just because the quantity of people actually telling me they’re stopping reading, or telling me they hate the fic, is a lot higher - like I’ve left a few of those kinds of comments on the fic, but I’ve also deleted a few as well (that have been outright abusive), so the number I experience is higher than the number folks can publicly see).

As for whether it’s readers who are familiar with my work or not, idk tbh. I don’t think so. There’s not always a huge crossover of people between like, the Fae Tales stuff and the RotG stuff and everything over at thespectaclesofthor. And so while there is some crossover (the most loyal commenters and MVPs are often Fae Tales peeps), I don’t think it’s those peeps.

It’s 10:29 PM here and I’ve been staring at my phone for the past 5 min, trying to coax it to show it to be 12 AM… just woke up from my forcibly induced pre binge sleep, my body is ready!

Ahhh that’s so exciting! I’m definitely staying up until midnight, which is about 2 hours away here (so we must be (relatively) geographically close by!) It’s exciting times!

I just ordered my copy today! So excited to get it :)

If you’re in the mood to take a picture of it when you have it, feel free to tag me :)

als-vuur replied to your post “I’m so happy you guys like the book so much! Publishing this was An...”

I was wondering if Noah would get a story! At least hopefully second time round will be easier?

I was going to wrap up his story within Blake and Elliot’s novel, however, I then decided to write another 80,000 words about it instead.

But, yeah, you’re right, the second time will definitely be easier, because the whole setting up the account business will be out of the way already.

alnaking92 replied to your post “Hey! So I just read Shane's story and I'm out of breath! And I see...”

Already deep into the same old streets and bought the book. I'll be sure to check the patreon later. Thank you for all these amazing stories, I'm having the time of my life <3