Almost Time....to say goodbye
...I guess it's gonna have to hurt...I guess I'm gonna have to cry... Just for a minute tonight I didn't want to tell you goodnight. That had never happened before. It took everything in me to send a semi decent message to you. I realized today that I don't trust you. I trust nothing about this situation at all. You put the doubt in my mind. You went out tonight and wouldn't tell me with who. You loved every minute of it. You laughed. ...and let go of some things I've loved...to get to the other side... What have I become??? Someone I don't recognize. I was asked today...aren't you tired??? I am getting so tired. My only response is that I don't want to end it because I don't want to be sad. What a pathetic answer. ... I guess it's gonna break me down...like falling when you try to fly... I love you. I can't pretend I don't. But I don't have a good enough reason anymore to risk my entire home life for it. It was never about leaving our spouses. But I wanted to win. I wanted you to love me. I wanted to be the one that you wanted. Not because I wanted you but because I wanted to win. ...it's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life...starts with goodbye. But maybe I did want you. Maybe I wanted the idea of it. But I can't keep on. I don't have it in me anymore to keep on with the charade of being someone I'm not. It's gonna be an ugly break up. I knew this from the start. It has to be in order for me to let it go. I know it's gonna hurt like hell. Im gonna cry so much. I'm gonna be so sad. It's gonna suck to see you on FB. It's gonna take awhile to get over. Because I'm gonna lose. I'm supposed to see you in two weeks and I knew already it was going to be the last time. But I don't know anymore if I am. I have to end this because I'm sitting her already so sad. You're not the one. You never were. It was never about happily ever after with you. But I wanted you to love me. ...time, time heals...the wounds you feel... I wanted you to love me so I could win.
