#almostmom!reader

I COULD BE A GOOD MOTHER.

almostdad!chris x almostmom!reader

i bet on losing dogs by mitski

warnings! - your baby died :c, sensitive topics, attempted angst.

arriving at an early trip to the hospital when…

two weeks before your due date, your baby is born into the world. only.. their undeveloped body thought otherwise.

“will our baby have the soft blue eyes of her father, or the beautiful eyes of her mother?”

“i still wonder.”

n-no. i-it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

in your arms you coddled your new born baby. she was small, so tiny that she was just the size of your forearm. gosh, her fingers were as little peas and as delicate as bubbles. her skin was soft and a bit slimy.. but her shade was a mix of Chris and you.

although... her chest never rose.

she was still against your hospital gown, the only movement was your chest violently shaking as you sobbed. your hands held her close to your chest, tears streaming down your cheeks.

she was gone. born too early, too soon. it was a stillbirth.

Chris, the father and your boyfriend— was bent over the bed and hovered over you, holding back wails as he ran his hand through your hair to sooth you. his other hand was laid carefully over yours, over the baby. he gently cooed at you and let some tears of his own fall.

“s-sshh.. baby, i’m right here. ‘m right here, ma.”

he whispered in a shaky voice as he stroked your silky hair. his heart was shattered into pieces in his chest, all his emotions coming out of his eyes in forms of water droplets. his baby, his little girl, was gone. and seeing you in this broken, hurt state? only made it harder for Chris to keep himself together.

your biggest fear was coming true. your chest was heavy with feelings. a swirl of sadness, grief, pain, and denial. it felt like you were getting punched in the chest a million times with each gasp, an ache filling your chest.

the doctors informed the two of you that your baby’s lungs most likely hadn’t fully formed when the infant was born. they gave their condolences before slowly exiting out the room and let the two… parents, have their time alone with their baby.

for hours, you and Chris cried together with vague words and your baby girl being handed back and forth. eventually, your baby laid on your stomach once all the tears ran out. Chris slouched against the side of the bed and looked at you with sorrowful eyes, his hand lost in your hair.

“angel.. we have to choose what to do with her soon. give her a name and decide what we want to do with her before we leave the hospital.”

he rasps out in a low voice, glancing down at his baby. his eyes meet the lifeless body and begin to well up with tears again before he quickly wipes them away with his free hand.

Chris’s words just made everything feel more real. the actuality of your baby being alive was slowly lowering as your brain struggles to fight the truth. that your baby was gone.

and you and chris never got to meet her.

a/n : hi i know i disappeared and i probably will again but i just wanted to drop this attempted “angst” because i haven’t been able to feel much lately. am i crazy for writing this? i’m sorry i feel insane.