#allison rees

A child’s defiance may be triggered by the parent making a demand that the child finds unreasonable.

In Week 3 of SideStepping the Power Struggle course, we understand how our children pick up on our stress level regardless of their age.  Do you ever notice that when you’re having a bad day your child seems to act out more?  There are two key ingredients to creating anger: Stress and trigger thoughts. Thinking that children are being disrespectful or assuming that they are acting out just to bug you are mistaken ways of thinking.

Click here for course details on Facebook. Or click here for the course webpage. Either page has registration details.

Parents must notice their stress levels and deal with them.  Frequently stopping to breathe and relax throughout the day can bring down the bodies tendency to hold and accumulate stress.   Anger can be like a ball of fire and stress is the tinder and faulty thinking is the spark.  Three categories of faulty thinking are: labelling the child, catastrophizing the situation and assuming intent.

Correcting our trigger thoughts needs a level of awareness.  Once you notice that you are engaging in faulty thinking, you can find neutral thoughts that are more peaceful.  Having studied the last two chapters on stages and temperament should help.

Another important way of changing the antecedents of a child’s misbehavior is to change our own “triggering” behavior. A child’s defiance may be triggered by the parent making a demand that the child finds unreasonable – for example, insisting that the child take out the garbage RIGHT NOW, five minutes before the child’s hour-long television program ends. An older child may pick a fight with a younger child if a parent has picked on him. We tend to be very aware of the effects of children’s behavior on us but, unfortunately, much less aware of the effects of our own behavior on our children. Often, we treat them with much less courtesy than we expect of them. If your child’s negative behavior is occurring regularly in response to a behavior of your own, it makes sense to help him change his behavior by changing your own behavior.

“Tell Me It’s a Stage”

Each child begins life with a unique set of characteristics. And you may discover that “the apple doesn’t fall far from the family tree”.

In Week 1 of our SideStepping the Power Struggle course, you receive a workbook that describes temperament and helps you develop an accurate picture of your child’s unique strengths and challenges. This knowledge will enable you to recognize the positives in each child’s temperament, and to provide tools of support where it is needed.

Click here for course details on Facebook. Or click here for the course webpage. Either page has registration details.

As you begin to understand where you yourself fit with each of the nine temperament traits, you will learn to understand your own challenges and strengths.  You may discover that “the apple doesn’t fall far from the family tree”. It is only when we understand our children and ourselves that we can respond rather than react. This knowledge will help us develop that thoughtful pause where we change gears and choose a loving behavior.

Each child begins life with a unique set of inherited characteristics.  A child’s temperament is his basic style, the way in which he approaches life.  Researchers  (Stella and Chess) have found nine characteristics of temperament among newborns.  Most children continue to show many of the qualities of behavior that they showed as infants.  However, two babies who start out very much alike may develop quite differently, depending on how their parents respond to them.  To help your child develop into the best person he can be, you must become aware of his unique temperament and respond to him as he is, rather than treating him and all other children the same.