All Occasions
Birthdays
Weddings
Divorces
Funerals
Resurrections
Graduations
Probations
Parole violations
Legal consultations
Your neice's bot mitzvah
Your cousin's transition announcement
Your uncle's third vasectomy reversal (snip-snap, snip-snap, snip-snap)
Your mother-in-law's final mortgage payment
Weekends
Federal holidays
The first Tuesday after the first Monday in November of even numbered years
The first Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox
Queen Elizabeth II's death
Scottish independence
Irish reunification
King Charles III's abdication
Trials
Tribulations
Pride
Prejudice
Zombies
Your grandpa's second booster shot
The rapture
The eschaton
The Naked Gun viewing party
The Naked Gun 2½ viewing party
The Naked Gun 33â…“ viewing party
Mickey Mouse's copyright lapsing into the public domain (who am I kidding? As if THAT'S ever gonna happen...)
Your neice's second bot mitzvah 100 years later
Jury duty
Community service
Court mandated anger management classes
AA meetings
AAA roadside assistance
AAAA (screaming because you walked through a spider web)
Bowling a 300
Bowling a 200
Bowling a 100
Bowling nothing but gutterballs
Watching your friends bowl because they didn't have shoes in your size...
Winning the lottery
Losing the lottery
Schrodinger's Catting the lottery by never checking the winning numbers
Binging that one show all your friends keep gushing about just so they'll shut up and stop telling you how good it is
Gender reveal parties (illegal in California during the dry season)
And that's about it.
