#all 7

          The dorms are decorated minimally, a small fake tree and a few decorations strewn about signal the impending Christmas holiday, the scent of pine wafts through the kitchen and living room, the scent a welcome reprieve from the mundane aroma of their living quarters. The seven men sit tucked on the couch, blankets and pillows abounding, drinks sat on the coffee table, snacks loosely placed in bowls and on plates, tiredness in their bones, hearts light with the ability to tuck their troubles away for a few days off.

           “Taehyungie, just pick a movie!” Yoongi chides, annoyed at how long it’s taking.

           “Aye, be patient!” Taehyung calls, leaning forward to give his hyung a look.

           They’d decided a Christmas movie, nothing to sappy and romantic, something funny. Yoongi had suggested Die Hard, which earned much approval before Taehyung reminded them it was his turn to pick. He’d been laboring over the film, looking at every platform and the options they had. He’d narrowed it down to three and was trying to ascertain what they were really in the mood for.

           “Do you remember our first Christmas together?” Jimin asks, leaning back against the couch, watching Tae aimlessly scrolling through films.

           “Yeah, we didn’t do much,” Namjoon says.

“We went home.” Ho-Seok answers.

           “Do you remember the years when we didn’t do anything but hug goodbye and leave the dorms?” Yoongi asks.

           “You mean our first few years?” Ho-Seok asks.

“That’s how Yoongi-ah wants Christmas to be, no gifts just a hug!” Seokjin laughs.

“But he’ll skip the hug, just a goodbye!” Jimin giggles.

“Christmas was never too big to us,” Namjoon redirects.

           “We couldn’t afford presents for each other,” Ho-Seok reminisces, “We had no money, Bang had no money, we were scraping by.”

           “Then our third year, when we had a little change, we set a low limit,” Seokjin tells.

           “We did Secret Santa because that’s all we could afford,” Namjoon confirms.

           “Seokjin gave me a free home cooked dinner, that was the gift!” Taehyung smiles. “He made my favorite.”

           “Very lucky, a personalized meal by the best chef in BTS,” Seokjin says.

           “And when we started making it,” Jimin adds.

           “We had more money,” Yoongi finishes.

           “But we had more obligations, more performances,” Namjoon counters.

           “It hasn’t really slowed down, it’s gotten worse,” Jungkook says.

           “It probably won’t,” Ho-Seok shrugs.

           “Until never mind,” Jimin says shaking his head.

           “Say it,” Yoongi pushes.

           “Until we start going into service,” Jungkook fills in. They all take a moment to pick the weight up, placing it heavily on their shoulders. Yuletide spirit gone as reality cascades over them. Taehyung sits on the couch between Jungkook and Jimin, knowing full well the Maknae line will all end up cuddling throughout the film. The opening title sequence of The Santa Claus begins playing, the weight of Jungkook’s words still hanging between them.

           “I’ve never seen this,” Ho-Seok mutters.

           “Me either,” Yoongi says.

           “It’s really good,” Namjoon says.

           It’s not until thirty minutes in, when Tim Allen is tossed in the sleigh, being jolted toward the North Pole that Taehyung pauses the film.

           “Is this our last Christmas?” He asks.

           For seven chaotic men who have spent nearly a decade living together, working together, seeing each other 360 days of the year, they are surprisingly quiet. It’s the second time that evening, and one of a handful of times where one of them has said something absolutely devastating. They’d made it through Ho-Seok quitting, Jungkook wanting to quit, the 2018 dialogues and speeches of disbanding, Yoongi announcing he was having surgery, the first time they appealed to have military service postponed, and now this.

           “We might have next year,” Namjoon responds.

           “It’s not a guarantee, it depends when they make Jin-hyung start,” Yoongi says.

           “It’s our last Christmas,” Ho-Seok states.

It’s no longer a question of if, or a question of when. This is their last Christmas as a group of 7 for who knows how long. A decade? Five years? Seven?

           “I hadn’t thought about it,” Jungkook says, looking at his hyungs. The look in his Bambi eyes proves otherwise, they’d all thought of it, unwilling to say it, unwilling to give it any space in their minds.  

           “You’re the one going to be left,” Yoongi says.

           “Aye, not by myself!” Jungkook protests.

           “No, but you’ll have the most Christmases without all of us,” Yoongi informs him.

           “That’s scary,” Taehyung whispers. “I don’t like the thought of Jungkookie alone,”

           “You’ll be with him,” Namjoon reminds him.

           “Not if he goes with me,” Jimin counters, “We’re the same age, makes sense we’d go together.”

           “What if JK comes with us?” Taehyung wonders.

           “He could, but you still won’t be together,” Yoongi pushes.

           “Neither will you and Hobi!” Jimin shoots back.

           “Aye, no use in fighting,” Seokjin says.

           “We’ll be out before you go,” Yoongi says to Jimin.

           “I don’t want to spend Christmases without you,” Jungkook whispers, his doe eyes staring blankly at a moment in time, a moment he’s trying to freeze, to prolong so he can memorize it.

           “You spend Christmas at home with your family, it’ll be the same,” Seokjin reminds him.

           “No, it won’t,” He glances at his brother, eyes beginning to pool. “It will never be the same, again.”

           “He’s right,” Namjoon says. “We’ll come back at different times; we’ll be different people. Maybe we’ll start dating, finding partners… What will the world look like the next time we’re celebrating Christmas, together?”

           “Kids, there could be kids…” Jimin adds.

           “Will we even be a band anymore?” Seokjin asks.

           They sit in silence, refusing to make eye contact with one another. What would it be like, to come back from service, and not have your bandmates, brothers, waiting for you? For Army to have moved on, for your records to sit, collecting dust, no longer carrying the weight of your historic rise to the top?

           “Don’t say that,” Jungkook says, tears willingly falling.

           “We signed our contract, another 7 years,” Namjoon reminds them.

           “But in seven years, will Jungkook be out?” Taehyung asks.

“Will we be together again?” Jimin wonders.

           “What if we make a pact?” Namjoon suggests. “If the fates allow, Christmas 2027, we’ll be together, at Jungkook’s house, for a Christmas celebration.”

           “Aye, why mine?” Jungkook asks.

           “Maybe we start a new tradition, every year one of us hosts a Christmas gathering, for the seven of us, and when we have partners, them too. Every year we rotate who hosts,”

           “I like that,” Jimin says.

           “Why do I have to go first?” Jungkook repeats.

           “You’re the youngest,” Seokjin says.

           “Namjoonie’s the leader,” Jungkook says, eyes wide.

           “Fine, I’ll host,” Namjoon says. “Then Jungkook the next year.”

           “We should do something special tonight,” Ho-Seok suggests.

           “Staying up all night and watching movies?” Yoongi offers.

           “No, something more fun.”

           “Christmas karaoke?” Namjoon proposes. The groans disappear underneath the cheers, and soon all 7 are running around the dorms trying to find festive clothing and props, discussing giddily what song they’ll sing. They knew, though their Christmases together were limited, their golden years slowly passing, they would always pull one another close to have a merry Christmas.