Alix Olson

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Queer

DOB: Born 1975

Ethnicity: White

This is “Checking My Pulse” by Alix Olson as I see it because of synesthesia, a condition that causes me to see music visually when I hear it. This song is literally so sweet!

“Living, we have learned, can be both sloppy and precise

And so you choose your careful witness to your silly little life.

You begin to trace each other’s journeys,

You begin to chart each other’s pace,

You start to notice all the sweetness in the details of their ways.

Because loving, they are learning, seeks a language of solace.

It speaks volumes about tomorrow when you’re fluent in forgiveness

And sometimes—only sometimes—they begin to wonder what their 10 year old selves might have said to one another.

Maybe something like I’m sorry, I won’t be with you through this sadness

Like if I could be your axis, I would spin you past the madness

Like I wish I had the wing span to just soar you to what’s after

Like I wish I could just swoop you up and wrap you in my laughter

Like I wish I could return you to this earth with just my palm

Like if my palm could be your satellite, your job—to just hold on.

But your survival will be grace-making.

Yes, your arrival will be breathtaking.

And I will be here

When you beat fear,

When you reach here,

When you find me.

Because sometimes there’s a you on a skateboard,

Sometimes there’s a me on a sloped curve.

Sometimes familiar becomes magic,

Sometimes magic needs distance.

Sometimes space is what shapes it,

And the shape is not instant.

Sometimes the horizon’s surprising,

And the view is worth risking,

And the risk is a long wait but this girl is persistent.

Sometimes the future just means that each day is worth finding,

And this day is a presence,

And this moment is shining.

Sometimes her prayers are just soothing.

Sometimes her face is just lovely.

Years,

Years spent searching.