The thing about binary alignment: it is absolutely okay for NB people to identify that way. People are allowed to identify however makes them happy.
When the only way NB people’s queer attractions can be acknowledged is as aligned members of WLW and MLM communities, when alignment is assumed based on presentation and pronouns, when a variety of involuntary experiences such as forcible misgendering and being closeted are equated with an identity label that should be voluntary... there is a problem.
It is not, by and large, an NB folks’ problem. It’s binary, cis people being unable to wrap their heads around any gender identity that isn’t at least a bit like a binary gender. (And that’s how you get debacles like the whole ‘similar gender’ business. Heck, my gender’s not necessarily similar to that of people who use the same gender label, how are you going to swing it being similar to any other gender?)
But if us NBs for whom alignment language flat out does not work are getting shouted down with accusations of hostility, just because we said that certain language does not serve us and we need space for something that will? That is an issue between different NB folks.
Members of a community pointing out that existing language is not sufficient for them needs to be allowed. Shouting down parts of a community for whom existing or prevailing language is ineffective is only helpful if your goal is to homogenise opinions across the community and ensure one particular set of language prevails.
When that language does not work for some members of your community, to force it to be accepted by everyone in that space is violent.
If binary alignment language is useful for people, by all means, keep using it! But recognise that not all of us find it useful or even applicable, and recognise that in some cases, we are being hurt because we don’t use that language.
Not all language, concepts and models will work for all members of a community. Not everyone will be comfortable using the same sets of identifiers. This should not come as a surprise. No community is homogeneous. And I struggle to see any justification for using a lack of homogeneity in opinions as a reason to call other community members transphobic.
