Beside my son and grandson you are, were, one of the only things that made being in this time really worth it, and I ruined that. I understand completely that what happened the last time we talked, made you very angry and since you are one of the most amazing people I know, youâll probably still try to be nice to me but I just canât let you do that. I know what you said about you being an adult and allowed to make your own decisions, but sometimes even adults need help realizing when theyâre making wrong decisions. You donât think very much of yourself but Iâve seen differently and you may not ever see it but I do and thatâs why I need to be the one who goes away. If I leave now, it stops you from having to go through the pain of telling me goodbye, which I know eventually will happen. It hurts less if I do it this way, for both of us. You deserve much better than someone who will hurt you, whether accidentally or on purpose, and Iâm... Iâm not sure Iâm that person. I want to be, and I wish I could be, but you deserve more than me, everyone Iâve ever cared about, deserved more than me. You mean a lot to me and the times we were together, may have started out as something more but they came to mean a great deal to me and I ruined the chance of more and for that Iâm sorry. Iâve never been one to apologize to anyone for anything, but you deserve one. So from the bottom of my heart please understand how sorry I truly am, for breaking your trust and ruining any kind of chance we may have had to be something more.
I have a bit of advice... donât uhm, donât let this one go. If youâre looking confused, donât because I know you know what, or who rather, Iâm talking about. Iâve seen the way you look at him, and at first I was jealous, but what reason do I have? We were never exclusive and I was too much of a coward to imply and you didnât seem like you wanted that anyway. Maybe this is for the best? He deserves someone like you, with an open heart thatâs always open no matter how many times it may be hurt. I guess what Iâm saying is, if you decide to never think about me again and go for this other person? Do it with your eyes and heart wide open because despite what you think, you deserve love and passion and Iâm just sorry I couldnât be that person. If thatâs not what you choose to do and somehow I redeem myself in your eyes and you kick my ass for being too much of a coward maybe youâll give me a second chance, a real chance but Iâm not banking on that because I donât deserve it. Iâm sure you and that bloody bird of yours could easily find me if things in your mind and heart ever change...
I left my phone and Iâm not sure where Iâm going but, donât come looking for me because Iâm not... Iâm not the kind of person you deserve in your life and itâs better if I leave before you finally realize that, no matter how much you wish different.
with love and wishes of happiness,