#alex garica

Alex

I walk into the store and grab a dozen roses, telling Jake that I was just taking a walk while he got ready for our big date tonight. I grab a bottle of the store’s most expensive wine and a pack of cigarettes, noticing that I’m out on the way here. I borrowed one of the crew’s cars to get everything, since there wasn’t a store within walking distance.

“That’ll be 24.56 please.” The cashier said as I slid my debit card through the machine. “These for someone special?”

I nod, giving the clerk a big smile. “10 years.”

“Wow, you look mighty young to be celebrating 10 years, son.” He said, smiling.

I laugh to myself, grabbing the bag, pulling out the car keys. “We go way back.” I turn around and head out the store, unlocking the car and throwing the bag in the backseat, sliding into the driver’s seat and starting the car, backing out of the parking lot and heading back to the hotel we were staying at. I figure Jake should be close to done so we can leave and he can surprise me with this huge date plan he’s claimed to have this whole time. I smile, slowing down as I approach a stop light. Jake really is something else, but he’s my something else, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The light turns green before I get to a complete stop and I speed up again. I see a car out of the corner of my eye but think nothing of it before it’s too late. I heard metal crunch and my body twist in ways that it shouldn’t have, pain searing through me as my head goes through my windshield, ejecting me from the car…

-2 years later-

It all happened so fast; the crash, the pain, the sense of being saved, though if I would’ve had a say in it…

I scowl and throw a rock into the lake, the moonlight bouncing off the ripples it makes as it skips across the water.

You know, it’s a surreal feeling, attending your own funeral. My funeral was a closed casket, on the account of my body being nowhere to be found. Their story was that the car exploded and my body burned beyond recognition. They played music from my band and my favorite bands. So many friends attended, even ones who we only toured with once or twice. The hardest part of the whole thing, though, is seeing how the only person you really truly care about is holding up, and Jake? Well, Jake was a wreck. I couldn’t even look at him without tearing up and getting the urge to run in there to tell him that everything’s okay, I’m still here, just…

“Different.” I mutter under my breath, looking at my skin, how white it’s become, how cold to the touch it is. I should be dead, I shouldn’t be here. That car accident killed me, well…almost.

The only thing holding me back from finding Jake is the fact that I don’t want him seeing me like this. I want him to remember me how I was; alive, human, not some bloodthirsty monster who I swore only existed in fairytales and nightmares.

I knew when I saw him come up to me and tell me that everything was going to be okay, that he was going to save me, I should’ve just said no, but I was foolish, only thinking about the fact that I would be able to see Jake again if he saved me, not thinking any deeper to the meaning of being “saved”. Hell, I thought he was an EMT coming to rescue me. What he did after I said yes, though, was nothing like I was expecting. I hardly have any memory of the time I said yes until I woke up in an abandoned building, not feeling like myself, feeling unexplainably strange, and hungry…

I really hate what Kellin did. Everyday my loathing for him grows, but I hide it well; he’s the only person I have to guide me through this, I can’t tell him how much I hate him and still expect him to stick around.

He said he did it to give me a second chance; he told me I was screaming Jake’s name as I was dying, and when he found me he felt bad for me to be so young and in love and have my life cut short. In theory, his motives were full of nothing but good intentions, but this is no way to live. Surviving off of the blood of humans, being hypersensitive to sunlight, not being able to see my bandmates, friends, family, Jake…oh do I miss Jake. It’s been 2 years, the longest 2 years of my life. I need to see him, tell him the truth, be with him again. I know, eventually, he’ll accept me for what I am, and things will get back to normal.

They haven’t found a replacement for me in the band, and I don’t think they will. Derek’s taken up Brooks’ parts and Brooks took mine. I go to every show in the area, I never miss it. It’s one of the times I can see Jake, and it’s the only thing that’s been keeping me sane over the past 2 years.

I always visit him while he’s home, too. That’s the hardest for the both of us. I see our bedroom, the bed, memories of us being together in that bed, cuddling, kissing, pouring our hearts out to each other…

A tear rolls down my face and I swear, wiping it away, not realizing how emotional I’m getting. Kellin can’t keep me cooped up forever. I’ll end up going insane.

“Alex! Where are you?” I hear Kellin call out to me. I sigh, looking out towards the water again before getting up and heading back to the cabin we’ve been staying in. We often jump from city to city when people start getting suspicious, which more often than not is just Kellin getting paranoid that people are onto us. He’s been around a long time.

In the back of my mind I can’t help but wonder whether Kellin decided to steal more blood from the hospital or if he decided to bring home a live one. To be honest, neither sounds very appealing right now.

I come in through the back door and the smell of a human immediately hits my nostrils, making my insides churn with excitement and hunger. So much for not sounding appetizing.

“We’re in the living room.” Kellin called out again. I pick up my pace and see a girl, not more than 20, tied to a chair, knocked out.

“Where’d you find her?” I asked, licking my lips.

“The bar. She passed out halfway home because she was so drunk, so we might get a little extra buzz from her tonight.” Kellin said, smirking. I returned the look, glancing back at her, but as soon as Kellin looks away from me, my eyes are on him again. He’s attractive in every sense of the word, the one thing that stands out to me though are his eyes, they’re so lovely; blue, just like Jake’s. I tell myself this isn’t true, but one of the main reasons I stay with Kellin is that similarity. I’ve tried to move on, even to see if I could cause a spark between Kellin and I, and I just can’t bring myself to do it. I feel like I’d be cheating on him, even if he does believe that I’m not here anymore. I still consider myself Jake’s boyfriend of 12 years, and I don’t think anything is going to change that.

I snap out of my thoughts when I hear the girl slowly starting to wake up. “Wh…where am I?” She asked, her speech still slurred from the alcohol.

“Shhh…it’s okay, sweetheart, it’ll all be over soon, I promise.” Kellin said in an eerily calm voice, the same voice he used on me before my memory blacks out, giving me chills as I slowly step closer to our victim of the night at the same pace as Kellin.

Before she can scream, I swoop down and clamp onto her throat, blood gurgling in her throat. Kellin goes down and attacks the artery in her leg. This is our routine; I get one of the main arteries, Kellin gets the other. It just works.

Once she is pretty much done, Kellin and I fall next to each other in a warm fuzzy content, definitely feeling that buzz he talked about earlier. I let my head fall onto Kellin’s shoulder. I don’t know why I do it, I guess he’s just comfortable. We’ve been living together for the past 2 years, we know each other pretty well.

I nuzzle my face into his neck, nibbling at his skin playfully. I forgot how frisky alcohol makes me. He jumps slightly, looking down at me, smirking. He lifts my head and attacks my lips with his, blood still lingering on his lips, making me way more excited than I should be…

Wait. This isn’t right. These aren’t Jake’s lips, Jake’s fingers caressing me, this isn’t Jake.

I pull away from Kellin’s lips, putting my hand on his chest when he tries to go back for more, both of us breathless. “I’m really sorry, Kellin, I can’t do this.” I wipe my mouth of the remaining blood and stand up.

“Where are you going? Can’t you let yourself have a little fun for one night?” Kellin asked, getting off the floor as well, stepping closer to me, his hands on my hips, his lips finding my neck. He nibbles at my weak spot and I almost double over, mistakenly pulling Kellin closer to me, making him bite that spot harder, my breath hitching in the back of my throat as my nails dig into his back, his hands getting under my shirt as they trace my lower back lightly with his fingers. This is so wrong…

“N-no…” I stutter, trying to make it sound like anything but the moan I was so desperately trying to suppress. I put my hands on his chest again and push him away, harder this time, visibly panting under Kellin’s touch. “I’m not going to chance being guilty for the rest of my life just for one night of lust with you.”

Kellin rolls his eyes in irritation. “Jake. Thinks. You’re. Dead. He doesn’t even know we exist anymore. How can you still have feelings for him after not seeing him for 2 years?”

“Because I know he’s alive and he’s just as in love with me to this day as I am with him, and we’re going to be reunited again, soon. They’re coming up this way in a few days on their tour and I’m going to see him.”

“Alex, I told you-”

I grab Kellin’s shoulders and look him dead in the eye. “Kellin, I know what you said, and honestly, I could care less. I’ll just tell everyone that it was a freak accident and I had no recollection of who I was for the past 2 years. I’ll get back in the band again, see my family, see Jake…everything will be back to normal. I want to eat real food, not just go off randomly murdering people or stealing blood from hospitals. I want my life back.”

Kellin laughs, a little too hard. “You remind me of myself when I was as young as you, wanting it all back. It’ll never be the same. ‘Real’ food will taste terrible, even the things you once considered your favorites. You can’t be in the sun much longer than an hour, depending on how recently you’ve had blood, but you already know that.” He said, glancing down at my arm as I cover as much of the scar as I can.

“And good luck trying to be around all those humans, let alone getting intimate with one. Trust me, Alex, life out there will be nothing like it used to be.”

I soak in everything Kellin told me, realizing he’s completely right. I wouldn’t be able to live comfortably with everyone, unless I told them the truth, and let’s face it, they’d never believe me.

“Alex, just realize this. You have it made with me. I give you a place to live and what you need to survive, not to mention I’m good company as well. Leaving all this behind to risk the lives of your bandmates, and Jake, would probably be the biggest mistake you could make at this point.” Kellin said in all seriousness. “I’m not saying all this because I want you to forget about Jake and your life you had, I’m saying this because I know what it’s like. I’ve been there, except I had no one to guide me through it and give me advice, I went into it completely clueless. I don’t want you making the same mistakes as I did.” He looks at me with sincere eyes. “Believe me, if I wasn’t so nervous about you murdering, or even turning, Jake, you wouldn’t have to tell me twice that you’re leaving.”

I sigh, a tear escaping my eye unexpectedly. Kellin reaches up and wipes it, pulling me into a hug. I cling onto his shirt and start crying into his shoulder. “I just miss him so much, Kellin. I just… I always have this little grain of hope that I’ll be reunited with him one day, but I think I’m losing that hope. I’m just an uncontrollable monster who can never see the one person who makes him truly happy and complete for fear of the fact that he might be slaughtered if things get too heated one night.” I said, beginning to sob. God I am such a wreck.

“Shhh, Alex, baby, calm down, please. Let’s just sit down on the couch and relax, okay? Everything will be alight.” Kellin said quietly in my ear, leading me over to the couch, pulling me down next to him, wrapping his arm around me, rubbing my back.

“Maybe I should just give up on Jake.” I said, my voice still full of tears.

“Why would you do that?” Kellin asked, making it seem like the stupidest idea I’ve ever had, his hand stopping mid-rub.

“I don’t want to put him in danger. I’ll always love him and care for him, but if it’s to keep him safe…”

I hear Kellin sigh quietly, squeezing my shoulder tightly. “How about you sleep for a few hours and calm down, then let’s talk about this, okay?”

I nod. “Lay down with me until I fall asleep?”

He gives me a small smile. “Of course.”

We both get off the couch and go into my room. I take off my pants and when I stand up, Kellin is right in front of me, bringing his hands to the bottom hem of my shirt, lifting it up and over my head. He runs his fingertips down my torso.

“I’ve wanted you ever since I met you, did you know that?” Kellin said in a seductive voice, biting his lip as he looks me up and down. “I think it’s something with the way your blood tasted, along with the way you’re so unattainable. It makes me want to try that much harder.” He presses his lips against mine in a short, aggressive kiss. I follow his lips as he pulls away.

“K-Kellin, I can’t do this-”

“Alex, just let go-”

“No!” I said sternly, removing his hands from my torso. “Kellin. You’re hot, sexy, attractive as hell, I’d kill to fuck you, but I can’t, and you catching me when I’m at my lowest isn’t going to get you anywhere any faster. Nothing you do is going to make me give in, even if I do give up on Jake.”

I turn away from him and crawl under the covers of my bed. “And for future reference, when I ask you to lay down with me until I fall asleep, that’s not some hidden code for sex, it means lay down with me until I fall asleep.”

“Do you still want me to keep you company?” Kellin asked in a small voice.

I sigh to myself. “I would appreciate it, as long as you keep your hands to yourself.” I said, resting my head on my pillow, feeling pressure on the other side of the bed, Kellin laying down next to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, spooning me. I wasn’t about to say no to this, this is really nice.

“I’m sorry, Alex.” Kellin whispered in a sincere tone.

“It’s fine, really. Thank you for sticking around through all of this, I know I’m a pain in the ass sometimes, but it really means a lot to me.” I said, closing my eyes, snuggling closer to Kellin, falling asleep almost instantly.

I wake up a few hours later, and Kellin is nowhere to be found. In a way, it made me happy that he isn’t here. It’s still dark outside, so I must’ve only been out for 2 or 3 hours, but I really needed it. I sit up and stretch, the faint smell of decaying flesh flowing into my nostrils.

“Shit.” I sigh under my breath, hopping out of bed, throwing on sweatpants and an old t-shirt I stole from Jake. It still smells like him, and the biggest smile lights up on my face as I walk out of my bedroom, where the girl’s body is still sitting. We didn’t make a huge mess for once, but there was still some blood on her arm and leg. Without even thinking about it, I kneel down and start licking the dried blood from her. It’s not even satisfying, but I can’t stop myself. When I almost clamp onto her dead flesh, I literally have to pull myself away, falling onto the floor, slightly out of breath. I close my eyes and take deep breaths, relaxing myself.

I shake my head and stand up, grabbing the body and throwing it over my shoulder, walking out the back door to our fire pit. I toss her in and douse her in lighter fluid, striking a match and throwing it in, her whole body flaming up. I walk back into the cabin and grab the chair from the living room, putting it back into the kitchen. I open the fridge and see food; eggs, milk, bread, the basic essentials. Of course they’re all expired, we just keep them in there in case we have any unexpected visitors.

I shut the fridge and go back into the living room, sitting on the couch, throwing my head back. I don’t want to do this anymore, I can’t live like this forever. My head shoots off the couch when I hear the beep of a cellphone come from Kellin’s room. Of course!

I scramble up from the couch and run into his room, seeing his cellphone on his bedside table and snatch it, quickly typing in Jake’s number and sending him a text. The fact that I still remember it by heart to this day surprises and amazes me.

I’ll be outside the venue after the show tomorrow night, 10pm. Please be there alone and don’t respond to this.

I send it and delete it as soon as it’s sent, setting his phone back where I found it, going back into my room and packing a bag of clothes and a few things I always take with me, things that Jake gave to me, pictures; hopefully they’ll find their rightful place in our room again. I reach to the end of my dresser, grabbing the bottle of wine and the dead flowers I bought Jake two years ago for our 10 year anniversary. I preserved the flowers pretty well, and the wine has never been opened, the bottle having a good layer of dust on it. I’m giving them to him when I see him tomorrow. I huge smile spreads across my face at the thought of seeing Jake tomorrow, hugging him, kissing him, just being in his presence…

I shut and lock my bedroom door, going into the kitchen and opening the freezer, taking the last three bags of blood. Kellin said they were only a reserve just in case, he won’t die without them. It should last me about 2 months or so, maybe longer, depending on how long I can deprive myself without going crazy.