Spiegelbilder WIP - Stay
“Stay.”
Dave had watched Alex getting up a bare ten seconds after her alarm went off. A quick moment of rustling blankets and creaking floor boards broke the silence of the early morning - 5:35, both time of day and hours of sleep, too early and too little - routine as usual, and a sting somewhere in his middle that was becoming a little too familiar.
“Skip the workout.”
He wanted the weight back next to him, the warmth, the selfish moment of indulgence and escapism. They didn’t have to leave yet. She didn’t. Routine was nothing that couldn’t be broken, or adjusted. Or ignored, at least once, for the sake of it. They could easily add another hour in bed and a shared breakfast.
Alex was wearing nothing more than the old Led Zeppelin shirt he’d loaned her when she’d first spent the night at his place unscheduled, looking down on him like she was seriously considering it.
5:36.
“If I do, I might not leave again.”
It was a quiet, a vulnerable confession, fragile words unfit for the loud, hectic, demanding life that waited for them outside these bedroom walls.
Dave returned her glance calmly. “I think I wouldn’t mind that.”
5:37.
With the head slightly tilted and the tiniest of head shakes Alex said: “I worry me neither.”
She turned to the chair next to the window to grab her cloths and started to change.
With her voice was louder, morning mode activated, she asked “Not really what’s our plan, huh?” Routine as usual, and all the intimacy and quietness and bitter sweet what if’s vanished into thin air again.
She was back at what they’d both agreed was “normal” for them now. Back at what they’d both were taking for granted. Come and go. Day job, night job, a few hours of whatever they were doing with only so many strings attached every other night, and then back to work. In between being friends and colleagues and pretending that nothing had changed and they were still acting just like they’d done over the past few years - it was play pretend. Building themselves an island and trying to fit it into the life outside these walls while not giving it too much weight because of the fear of what it would change and how it could ever fit into their way too busy lives if it was more than this.
So she wasn’t staying.
She was getting up early heading to the gym, while he would sit at his desk at home trying to write a page or two for the current book before heading to work in separate cars, pretending they hadn’t seen since leaving work last night.
“Stay”, Dave said again.
“And then what?”
“We’ll figure it out.”
The snort he earned for that added to the sting Dave felt this morning.
5:39.
She was done getting changed.
“We won’t. Do you want coffee before I leave?”
“No.”
If he showed a niggle of hurt, Alex was good at pretending not to notice it - or not to care. She shrugged and threw a quick glance at her wrist watch. “Sure. See you in two hours.”
5:40.
Silence returned when Alex had left, relentless and all consuming.
Routine as usual.
Dave was still sitting in bed, motionless and mad. Mad on himself for being mad at her for leaving, and mad on both of them for doing this.
This sure wasn't working.
