#alek rambles

I love having a little one to take care of and spoil. Sure my baby brother is different (since he's in my own system)...But no matter how silly it might get asking for a stuffie or candy everytime we step into a store is,, its comforting knowing that I can give him the childhood we never had and finally be the parent who listens to every boundarie and need. Being a system caregiver is a whole different experience (good and bad) but one that I'm grateful to be a part of <3 READ MY DNI

Just Avto Things

I had a mental breakdown around high school and really wanted to end it all, and then I was sent to this one therapist who just didn't take me seriously, was lowkey aggressive, and taunted me to open up to her. At the time, I had no friends, so the only "friendly" conversations I had were over the internet, which she dismissed as "not being real." I only started therapy again a few months ago, and this therapist was nicer, but I am getting the vague feeling they don't actually listen to me. They are aware of what I'm saying, of course, but I don't think they give it much thought. They commented on my weight a lot, and wanted to know why I didn't go to the gym, which in itself isn't a bad question, but should have probably been prefaced with an explanation why they are asking, as that kind of thing can come off as really rude, on top of me having a lot of body image issues, after gaining a lot of weight rapidly after I stopped taking a certain medication. They also got very hung up on my high school bullies, even though I am in my mid-30s and haven't been in high school for almost 16 years. Yes, those things are important to deal with. I did have trauma from that, but my bullies are not the reason I went to see the therapist. (Anxiety/depression) The way they talked to me was also really strange. They asked me if I could relate to any book character, and then I said yes, and picked out a book to explain, but they just blankly cut me off and dismissed it. It was just very odd behavior. This happened multiple times with different questions. We were doing video chat, but I didn't realize the app I was using would flag that as suspicious behavior to do a video chat for the first time, despite me having the app for about a month prior, so I got banned, mid session, and I tried calling them, but they would drop my calls when I was trying to explain what happened, or try to find an alternative, so I had to borrow someone else's phone, and then they abruptly called the session there, and were like "Well, call me when you figure things out/you want to continue seeing me." I, in total, had 2 sessions with them, and I just felt so shitty for the longest time, because I really wanted to work on myself, but this odd behavior isn't it, and it sucks because my PCP praised this person on their professionalism, and I just... don't see it. Anyway, I just had to get this off my chest; maybe someone else can relate.