#alaunius

"your happy having the rich girl along though" hands demonstrating crudely why she though they wanted cameilla along.

"shes skilled. her father on the other hand…" a glance to check the others were out of earshot "…is the type to throw gold at all his problems"

"and you took that gold. should i call up your goddess and tell her you broke your stupid rules??"

"we already needed to get out. those 'stupid rules' of mine dictate that i would need to help him indirectly anyway so what should i do. let us all rot down here to spite him? the fact that coin will be used to help people and not stashed away in his coin-purse is enough spite for me"

"your a rather bad paladin if your being spiteful."

"he has enough money that attacks on character and nonphysical comfort arn't part of the holy care package"

"they sure taught you long words in the mountains"

"… in essence as long as hes alive i dont care. he can deal with discomfort"

"you know i think your not so bad. for a paladin"

He probably wasn't the only paladin like that, calculated recklessness is par for the course and just because you believe and follow your oaths doesn't mean you don't know better.

Blind faith in people is hard to come by in the world wound, so hard it almost comes back around to trust. The place is so bleak and your chances alone are so slim, what does it matter if you die to a centerpede or a blade in the back. Dead is dead. Well mostly.

A long way of saying he knew wenduag was not entirely on their side. That the hope she would stick around was doomed to wither- or die to locusts and hellfire. It made him all the more a fool he supposed. But he had been a fool for a long time, and he would be for much longer, gods willing.

He did believe in helping people, in walking with an outstretched hand, in making what little good you can in this world.

But he had woken up entombed by the corpses of his comrades, woken up to flashes of traitors opening the gates to the demonic hordes that had been laying seige.

He woke up to a broken city drowning in corpses.

With him alone, shimmering with Iomedaes light, alive.

Turning her face to his as he walked over, he noticed Seelah looked sad and pensive, "its good to see you commander. get this - Jannah, the one who ran away when we were attacked by demons, never went back to her unit. she was seen running towards Numeria. looks like she deserted"

Seelah moved the subject on, "since our raid on the houndhearts camp, I've had this sinking feeling that i made a mistake. dragging you into this, i mean. i should have known that a raid along the edge of the Worldwound wouldn't be so easy"

Alaun frowned, preparing to refute her statement-

She sighed, getting saddened by the word, disappointment bleeding through, at her- or those who hut her? "but mostly- i was wrong about a lot of people. about Jannah, who lost her nerve and abandoned her friends. about Curl- i knew he was a thief, but i really thought he'd turned over a new leaf and deserved a little compassion and trust. and Elan. i thought we were kindred spirits, friends through thick and thin. but it looks like i was wrong about him too"

Seelah looked closely at Alaun.

He took care in his words, but let them flow from the heart, it was a line of thinking that dogged his steps, maybe she would believe his words they way he struggled to believe his own. The way she may also struggle to believe her own.

"Don't lose your trust in people Seelah, its one of the greatest skills you have. so what if you misjuged a few people, its no reason to give up on kindness and second chances. someone has to show people theres a better path, and give them a chance to take it." -a soft smile took the place of the impassioned frown-" and i cant think of a better person to do that"

Seelahs expression brightens, Iomedae's rays returning to the paladin once more, outshining the sadness "thank you, my friend. i needed that support" she sighs with a rueful smile "thanks for listening to my grumbling, and for helping me get to the bottom of this."-her voice becoming steadier and more convinced of her path as she spoke-" im not going to leave things as they stand. if i get the chance, ill track down Jannah and see if i can talk some sense into her. and find out why Curl did what he did"

A minute tilt of his head in agreement, and a smile at her renewed determination. he would have to make sure she would have time to do so, maybe even accompany her, moral is important after all- especially that of the person taking the most hits. its easy to tell himself he would do it for any other person under his command- he has. but he would be lying to say hes invested in her quest no more than any other commander and friend.

"I cant stop thinking about what Elan told me in the end. i really became more powerful than paladins who are far more experienced and selfless than me. Theres something not right about it. a servant of Iomedae should gain their powers through dedicated personal effort. its the only way to make sure they'll use their powers for good. our journey so far- its all wrong. and it means i need to be three times as hard on myself now"

Elans words had weighed heavy on her heart, the houndheart managing to slip through her armor. And make no mistake- she was no fool- her heart may be on her sleeve, but its under chain and plate. He should have tended to the wound earlier, but respecting her wish to have time to think was the right thing- for all it let the wound fester.

And who was to say Iomedae want rewarding an experienced and selfless paladin? a mile in the dark is worth a hundred in the light- fancy words for years dont make experience, experiences make experience, and there are so many of them to be found in the worldwound. would you rather a solider at your back who was stationed at peace post for decades or a contested border for years?

More pretty words to say that he valued Seelahs experience as someone who pulled herself out of the darkness, and iomedae would be a fool not to. a preacher who doesn't understand the lives and suffering of those he seeks to help cannot help. Seelahs experience made her valuable, did she not see how her kind words and companionship weight so much lighter on Woljif than the words of other who did not understand?