censor warnings for gore, hallucinations!
I’ve gotta write the news.
It’s been months since I’ve done that.
Months since I’ve properly journaled, too.
And yet… I don’t think I can be the newsgirl, what with me still being unable to tell the difference between reality and fiction.
what’s all in my head, and what’s real before me.
I can still see her, sometimes. When I wake up in the mornings, before the other… things come to mind.
It’s her that I see. The way her hair drapes across her face, the way she’s so obviously curled up as if Moss was right there beside her even if her dog was back.. home…
Sometimes she wakes up before fading.
and those days, she looks at me the same way she did when I let go.
and then there are the horrors.
the smell and taste of blood, no matter where I go or what I’m eating. Not even my favourite foods can get.. the taste.. out of my mouth.
The sights, too. Sometimes, it’s like I’m back in that goddamn hallway, watching from a third point of view as it all goes down again. Her. I swear to god, it was the real her and not that… pharmacist. In that room and at my door. I don’t know where she went, nor if it really is the Airi I clung to. Then and now..
That reminds me, I should.. probably wash that bag. And… probably wash those keychains. gently as I can.
Just… one step at a time.
I should probably note my general symptoms too- in case I ever find something that might help.
Right now, it’s a lot of auditory and visual hallucinations. I’ve mentioned the blood, but I can also hear that goddamn laugh. It’s sickening. I’m also.. generally really grouchy nowadays. Not something I’m proud of.
Current options are:
go back on vitairi (easy way)
continue with tea (current method, not my favourite)
Or… cold turkey. See what happens. That usually brings headaches, though… worse than usual.
