#akesomusic

“Hiiiii I luv u nvm okieeee byeeee 🧜‍♀️💓” Anyone else struggle w love? I don’t know what causes me to feel unworthy of it, yet I’ve struggled with this for a long time. Everytime I fall in love, I feel like I need to be more than I am, smarter, more talented, in a cooler job, etc. Eventually this goes to my head, my ego starts fucking with me & I stop seeing things clearly. I get superficial & ruin what was once a genuinely loving bond. I start to judge & feel judged. I get attached & fear being alone, feel like the end is coming, like I believe anything good couldn’t last. I get anxious, start trying to control everything & prove myself right by scaring any love I once had away. It’s sucks & even though I am aware of this tendency of mine, it still happens, worsened with stress. I recently had someone tell me how much they love the unknown. This hit me 💓 I never thought of love in this way but. I’ve been so afraid to let go and allow life to become what it wants to be. I’m afraid that if I don’t force my life to become what I want it to be, I’ll end up alone or that I’ll end up working some job I hate. I’ve done so much work on myself, but I think I’ve been forgetting a key element. I’ve been trying to feel worthy and loveable, but I keep working on external factors, like becoming a singer/songwriter, my appearance, the things I own, the talents I have, the places I go, etc. Stuff that doesn’t matter. In these pursuits, I have unintentionally treated people who love me & I love like an inconvenience, as if I’d rather be working on a project, or like I’d rather run away to some far away island, than stay home with the people I love. I’ve forgotten to be present & that always is my biggest regret every time a chapter ends. It’s ALWAYS the people I miss the most & wish I had gotten to know better. I hate looking back at the time wasted being in my head, obsessing over projects I thought would make me loved. It’s all about how you LOVE, how you show up with your fellow humans, how you embrace each moment without judgement. It’s all about seeing the good in what is right now. #akesomusic #lifelessons #belove #staypresent #meditation #youareloved #iamakeso #letgo https://www.instagram.com/p/CLpDseKsnlu/?igshid=1rgear6vszl19