#aim4midnight

I never saw you more than the person you were

Over the past year and some change I’ve been a horrid wreck trying to keep it together while dropping pieces all over the place. All on over you. I was hurt in more than one place. How do you heal with no place to go. I became a mind game needy person. I became someone I’m not totally proud of. I honestly didn’t know how to act! Split down the core. I didn’t know how to act when you didn’t want me but wanted me to stay. I stayed while I watched you close yourself off to me. I stayed as I tried to maintain your flood of emotions while I dried mine. I failed at that my emotions kept surfacing frequently strong like a hurricane. I know you didn’t have anyone during but I didn’t have anyone afterwards. You at least kinda had me. I tried to be emotionally available for you even through all of my shittyness. I tried so hard and made so many mistakes. I blamed myself for everything. I put the ending on my shoulders. I made it my fault that you had that moment. If I could’ve only done more and. I wouldn’t have done this or that. It made me regret so much. I made myself feel horrible. And I tried to make you feel part of my pain. Pain you might’ve been feeling but wasn’t evident enough for me. I needed to see it openly like you were seeing all of my wounds. I needed validation for me staying. I stayed as I was slowly pushed out of the way. I stayed and supported for the both of us. It would be a lie to only say for you when I needed all of those soccer games, all of the waiting to help heal. When I know i wasn’t healing properly. It would just fuel the churning fire within me. Sometimes it would get out of control and you would get burned here and there in different degrees but never third. I hope never third. I really hope I never gave you a third degree burn; emotionally, verbally. I know we have hurt each other in different ways and we should’ve shown those wounds instead of hiding them. I know what we had wasn’t bad! It was never bad! But every small mishap or mistake I make it my own. I get mad at myself. We shouldn’t have done this or did that… We should’ve done this or done that! I feel like I tried to keep you safe for the longest when you were showing signs that you didn’t want to be safe. As time went on you reverted back while I was trying to move out.

It’s weird how emotions work. Like you don’t always cry out of sadness or joy. Sometimes you cry bc you don’t know how you’re feeling. Sometimes you cry bc everything is mumble jumbled together. Sometimes you cry out of nerves. Sometimes you just cry.

I was giving you my all while losing myself within you. Now that you left, I am without myself.

Ngl pretty salty Harris isn’t starting

Man Abbie and Katrina’s tension in Sleepy Hollow season two is lovely

WHO THE FUCK IS HINKLE? I’m sorry but we need Kriegs rn