#aichi-phantom

Lance didn’t remember exactly what. All he knew wasone minute he was sipping his punch and watching the celebration go on, feelinghappy and content for the first time in a while, and the next he was laying onthe ground a little way away from the party, feeling sore and disoriented. He’dsat up, gripping his head and groaning. He was groggy, unsure of what happened.He eventually shrugged it off as having drank too much punch, assuming that ithad some sort of alcohol in it. Lance was too embarrassed to admit that he hadpassed out, so he came back to the party and pretended it never happened.

“I looked for you for like an hour” Keith said, frowning.“Hunk told me that he got into an argument with you earlier and said he wantedto apologize. Everyone looked all over for you and you just… appeared in themiddle of the room” Lance felt a bolt of irritation run through him. Hunkwanted to apologize? Why hadn’t he just apologized when Lance was there? Whyhadn’t he just kept his comments to himself? “What were you and Hunk fightingabout anyway?”

“Hunk told me that I should stop flirting with ‘anythingthat had a pulse’” Lance grumbled. Lance was mostly upset because he flirted toimprove his mood. Flirting made him feel better. Happier. So, when Hunk calledhim out on it Lance couldn’t tell him why he did it, because then he would haveto tell him that he was depressed.

“Oh, well… you kinda do. Flirt with everyone, that is”Keith pointed out. Lance stared down at his food. Keith’s words strangely didn’thurt that much. In fact, it actually made him smile. A laugh spilled from hismouth before he could stop it. “Why are you laughing?” Keith asked. Lancecovered his mouth, unable to stop his laughter.

“I don’t know” Lance said in between laughs. He genuinelyhad no idea. Any other day he would be masking his pain and then making anexcuse to leave so he could be alone. But maybe he was just in a good moodtoday.

~   ~

It wasn’t until a few days later that Lance realizedthat something was different. He wasn’t reacting appropriately to anything.Every time someone say something that would usually hurt him, something thatwould remind him just how much he missed home, or how bad he felt, he wouldfeel this bolt of happiness run through him, making him smile or laugh. While thatsounds like it should be a good thing, to Lance it was not. It was kind ofterrifying. When he thought about his parents, about his home, he felt happy. Thatwas good. When he thought about how he might die out there in space, never gettingto see his parents again, he laughed. That was bad. Lance didn’t know what waswrong with him.

“Lance, can I talk to you?” Shiro said that afternoon.Lance smiled and followed after him. Shiro waited until they were in thehallway before he spoke again. “We need to talk about your behavior over thepast few days” Lance cocked his head.

“Okay…” he said slowly. Shiro sighed.

“I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately.” Shirobegan. “But you need cut it out. You haven’t been taking anything seriously. Everyone’snoticed. Allura’s noticed” Lance looked down at the floor. “The way you havebeen acting is totally inappropriate. You’re disruptive, and unfocused especiallyduring missions. If you don’t fix this than someone might seriously get hurt” Lanceknew what he was referring to. Allura and chastised Lance during a mission theother day, and Lance had burst out laughing. He was laughing so hard that noone else could hear each other over their headsets. “So please, Lance, fixwhatever’s been going on with you” A smile stretched across Lance’s faceinvoluntarily.

“Yeah, okay” he said, trying not to laugh. He bit hislip. Any other day Lance would’ve cried for getting in trouble. He couldn’tstand when people talked sternly or yelled at him.

“Lance, I’m serious” Shiro said sharply. Lance winced,his lips twitching as he forced himself to stay silent.

“I… know…” Lance ground out.

“Lance—’ Lance ducked his head and rushed past Shiro,unable to hold it in any longer. He laughed silently as he ran down the hall. “Lance!”Shiro called after him.

Lance didn’t stop until he was in his room. He slammedthe door behind him and marched straight to the bathroom. Lance gripped theedge of the sink so hard his knuckles turned white. He grimaced as he met his owngaze in his reflection. He didn’t recognize the face staring back. It was sobright and full of hope. It didn’t match the image of himself in his mind. Somethingwas definitely wrong, but he didn’t know what.

His limbs shook as a whimper escaped his body. Lancetried to push back the overwhelming feeling of dread as a smile appeared on hisface. The worst part was, it didn’t feel forced. He genuinely felt happy. Andit terrified him. He knew that he didn’t just get over years of anxiety anddepression in just a few days. So how had it happened?

The sadder he knew he should be feeling, the happierhe got. He was so happy that it was becoming unbearable. Every time somethinghappened that normally would send Lance in a downward smile, he would smile andlaugh it off. His head felt like it was going to explode. Every little incidentthat filled him with an overwhelming sense of joy also increased the pressurein his head.

Lance wasn’t sure how much more he could take.

~   ~   ~