#ahghase

Or if he has and is choosing to ignore it.

Then your biggest fear of unrequited love would be true and that would be much harder to deal with. Having to face reality rather than living with the tiny amount of hope still alight inside you.

You wait as he jogs over, unable to resist him.

"What are you doing? We've only been here for an hour." He says, his words causing slight embarrassment to creep towards the surface of your cheeks.

"Yea and about 45 minutes of that you've spent talking to the same person, who is not me by the way. I didn't bring you here so you could spend the whole night chatting someone else up." You reply, attempting to keep your irritation to a minimum.

He laughs. "Ok, ok, I'm sorry but come on...she's hot. How about you get me her number discreetly, let her in on the situation, so she knows I'm available?"

Flames spread through you, alighting your veins and igniting everything like uncontrollable wildfire. 

"Well it didn't seem to bother her that you were with me anyway, so I don't think that will be necessary." You turn and walk off, hoping to sate your anger the further from him you get. Trying to ignore his words repeating inside your head over and over, making you feel sick. 

You feel his fingers on your arm, stopping you and turning you back to him. "What's the matter? This isn't you."

A bitter laugh escapes you before you can help it. "You don't know everything about me, clearly, otherwise you would realise."

He stares at you perplexed, eyes searching yours for answers. You stare back willing him to understand, to realize but he breaks away, rubbing his face.

"Please, just tell me what's wrong. I hate you being upset and I don't know how to make it better." His pleading extinguishes some of your rage induced flames as his words tug on your heartstrings.

Whatever is left of your fury finds its way escaping out of your eyes and running down your cheeks once again. You can't hold them in. 

His hands are there, cradling your face and wiping them away. You automatically lean into his touch but freeze as soon as you realize your action, moving away from him completely. 

The look of hurt across his face makes your stomach churn but for the sake of your sanity you can't let yourself tumble any deeper.

"Wh...have I done something or said something? Have I hurt you? You must tell me, I can't bear the thought of you upset with me."

You planned to make him feel better, make an excuse, blaming it on something else, but the words that leave your mouth shock you just as much as him, "I love you, okay, like stupid, moronic, ridiculous love."

You both freeze, eyes wide and alarmed. Your mirrored expressions would seem comical in different circumstances. 

Everything stops; time, your breathing, your heart, waiting for words to be spoken...anything to make this painful silence end.

The longer you wait, staring at him with pleading eyes, the longer you're met with a panicked stare. One that burns a hole right into your chest. One that makes you feel empty inside. One that makes your fears come to life as you realise, he can't give you what you want, what you're so forlorn for.

"You can't even say the words I'm so desperate to hear from you, can you?" You whisper, attempting to swallow the painful lump formed in your throat.

He blinks at you, mouth open but no sound leaving those perfectly full lips. It's all the response you need as you turn and head for home. Hugging your coat tightly around you, taking comfort in the warm embrace. 

He calls out to you more than once but you don't look back. You don't want him to see the tears streaming down your face or the pain in your eyes. You practically feel your heart tearing and ripping itself into rejected shreds, pooling at the bottom of your stomach, rendering itself useless and slowly giving up. 

The walk home is long as cold air clings to your damp cheeks making you shiver. It isn't long before you crawl into bed, still in your party attire and full face of smudged makeup, and hiding under the covers trying to forget this whole night.

***

A noise disturbs you from your drowsy state, not quite under the blanket of sleep but greeting it with open arms waiting for it to take you. The pain is too great however, your mind keeps replaying the moment, as if you need to be reminded. As if you are being punished for loving.

That noise again. Knocking. Someone's at the door. You pull the blanket up over your head. Whoever it is, they'll go away.

Another knock. You can't bring yourself to care. It's only when you hear the jingle of keys you realise someone is in your house. 

You stiffen, peeking out from the covers, there's only one person who has a spare key. When you hear him calling your name your chest blazes red, the edges of the giant hole where your heart used to be, pulsing agony through you. You plead for the ground to swallow you up whole so you can disappear.

Your body tenses when he climbs under the covers with you, his angelic face suddenly too close to yours.

"Do you remember when my grandmother died and I was so upset, I couldn't eat?" He begins.

You give a small nod, not having the energy for much more. 

"Do you remember what you said to me?" He asks.

You frown as you try to recall, coming up empty.

"You told me, let your heart feel." He whispers.

You remember now. What is the purpose of this? Your heart is feeling many things you don't want it too but it's out of your control.

"Do you know what I felt in that moment?"

You shake your head.

He lifts a finger to your face and tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear. "Love. Even in my darkest time, I looked at you and felt nothing but love...stupid, moronic ridiculous love." 

You listen to his words rattle about in your hazy mind. One word in particular trying to get through the fog. Love.