#agentsmithsgun

Smith

Smith HATES the snow…

…and also doesn't really hate it? Let me explain.

He doesn’t like how it causes roads and highways to be blocked off, electricity to go out, for office life to slow down, etc.

He thinks it’s gross when he sees how the cold can cause humans' noses to get all snotty

He hates the baggage it brings, it gives him a headache.

So, if you ask him if he liked it, he’d say no.

“It gets in my way.”

However, he has his secrets, cause that’s not the full truth.

He’d gladly peer out his office window to look at the white blanket coating the city. From afar, it looks very pretty to him.

He also likes it because when he’s chasing people who have broken from the Matrix, there’s a high chance they won’t fully pay attention to their surroundings and slip while running.

“You shouldn’t run when it’s icy,” he’d taunt.

He wouldn’t bring up the idea of a snowball fight, that would be like, the last thing on his mind

If you somehow managed to get him outside his office’s building, you’d have to try hard to get in a sneak attack. This guy has seen a lot, coming to expect it at this point, especially from you.

“You’ll have to do better than that.”

They could potentially work, though, if he was, for instance, occupied with another task

If you're just an absolute chad at throwing and you manage to hit Smith, he’d look at you with this unsatisfied stare. He simply dusts off his suit and walks away (he’s secretly impressed you managed)

The only reason he would actually throw a snowball is if you continued doing it/trying. If you persisted, he’d use his speed to gather a giant snowball together and hurl it at you. You take your defeat and stop, cause 1. He threw it so hard, that you’re now on the ground and 2. All that combined snow was hella cold.

All in all, you don’t want to challenge him, especially as a human. You’d be losing. Hard.

Brown

When it comes to snow, I think Brown appreciates it more than he dislikes it.

He already recognizes the overall cultural aspect of snow, and that’s what he respects about it.

However, I can easily see him somewhat struggling to do the things he can usually do because of it. Like, I can see him easily losing his balance on the street if it’s iced over.

But anyway, I believe that he’d be more open to a fight, but here's the catch:

He’s not going to agree if you ask him to a snowball fight

“I have more important things to worry about.”

However, if you bring it up under the guise of training to help your throwing speed, aim, or something of the sort, he’ll agree

But only for a little while, he is a very busy program after all

He takes your proposal of actually training you seriously. When you’re both outside, he’s stone-faced the entire time.

He sets up some ground rules and you start training. He doesn’t hold back at all.

“The rebels won’t go easy on you, therefore I won’t go easy on you.”

I can see you two working on your awareness of others; you two could build snow people and you’ll have to hit him without hitting the, as he’s put it, the “snow citizens”.

And he’d train your brain to have better quick-thinking abilities. He’s absolutely going to use his super-speed while training you.

If you try to deviate from practice and goof off, he’ll pelt you with a bunch of snowballs, much to your dismay.

“Cool it with the snowballs, Brown!” “Stay on task!”

Sneak attacks could work on him. He’d demonstrate throwing strategies. Since he’s taking it seriously, he wouldn’t expect a sneak attack at all. 

If you go through with the attack, he’d be very insulted that you’re not paying attention. Your punishment; you get pelted with snowballs. 

He won’t admit it to you, but he had fun since it’s not the usual type of training. He’d want you to propose a snowball fight training session again.

Jones

Like Brown, I don’t think that he really has an opinion on snow.

Before he really experiences it, his mentality is,

“Oh, look…snow. Anyway–”

Compared to Smith and Brown, he’s the youngest program of the two

Therefore, I think that he’d be the most open to playing in it.

When you ask him to go outside with you under the guise of “training”, he immediately says yes

Once you two set up some rules, he’d get the hang of the activity quickly

The most lighthearted; the most likely to categorize what you’re doing as fun

“That was…certainly different from what I’m used to doing.”

He wouldn’t be the type to take it extremely seriously, therefore he’d go pretty easy on you. I can’t see him using his super speed that much since he wants to give you a fair shot at winning

You can easily get away with sneak attacks since he’s new

When you manage to do it, he’d be taken by surprise, but he’d catch on quickly.

“Oh, so we’re breaking rules now?  Well, if that’s how you want to play–”

After the snowball fight with you, he’d probably ask about other activities. So you decide to show him other winter activities, still under the guise of “training”. You two make snow people, lay on the ground and create snow angels, and just watch as snowflakes fall (Jones catches one with his tongue, and he quickly decides he’d rather not do that again because of the taste, lol).

Your fun is cut short when Smith sends Jones down to fetch you two so you both can get back to actually training.

I think that’s when he’d have an eye-opener moment.

After that day, he’d look around the Metacortex building and watch others playing in the snow like you two did. Now, when he’s out and about, he might stop to observe the tiny cat footprints indented in the snow. Maybe he’ll watch from a distance as families glide on the ice of skating rinks

Overall, he’d recognize snow’s ability to bring people together for a good time.

ALL THE AGENTS:

Smith does not participate in the antics. Nope.

He’ll watch you and the other agents throwing snow from down below

He doesn’t need to drink or eat but he can. If it’s cold, he’d drink a hot chocolate (I think peppermint-hot chocolate would be his fav)

Brown starts off taking the fight seriously, but after seeing you and Jones smiling, he doesn’t take it as seriously

He decides to just throw snowballs at regular speed when he sees that’s what you and Jones are doing

He’s winning the fight so far

Jones is truly enjoying the snowball fight with you both

He watches as you try your hardest to hit him and Brown while occasionally ducking for cover behind a nearby tree

Your accuracy isn’t as good as theirs, but he loves that you’re playing anyway.

A/N I’m a little bit late with this! In the state I’m in now, people aren’t used to getting snow. Many of my friends hadn’t seen snow before, so it was nice being able to go outside and make snowmen and just goof around. Somewhat inspired by that January day. I hope you enjoyed, this is my first time writing headcanons!

Ever since you came into Smith’s life, something in him had changed. 

On your first day with the company, it was immediately apparent that there wasn’t anybody like you. You were always one to be true to yourself, but you couldn't lie; you felt out of place sometimes. People mostly stuck to their jobs. It’s not like nobody in the office had a sense of humor, but people didn’t shy away from subtly telling you that they thought you were odd. They didn’t understand how you could stay so positive and upbeat in an office that was the epitome of white walls and silence.

You were an experienced hacker who had been identified by Morpheus and approached by Trinity. The offer of traveling down the rabbit hole was no doubt interesting, but once you learned that you’d never be able to return for long periods of time, you politely declined. You left without taking the blue pill, wanting to stay curious. After the interaction, you kept wondering, trying to make sense of the cryptic offer.

That’s when Agents Smith, Brown, and Jones entered the picture. They knew you worked in the Metacortex building as they had seen your face before, but they hadn’t realized your potential.

They asked you to assist them with their cause in exchange for an explanation. They also promised that you would still be able to stay where you were while knowing. To their satisfaction, you agreed. They vowed to train you—to teach you to be stronger, smarter, and faster than any human ever was.

Now, when Smith first approached you, he was able to recognize that you were a chipper person. But he wasn’t aware that you would be such a stark contrast to himself. But he soon figured that out the more you two started working together.

At first, he didn’t understand you. ‘Why don’t they take things more seriously?’ he’d ask himself. He thought about it for a good while but couldn’t come to a logical conclusion. Yes, he knows you’re human, but still. He’s seen humans with more of a serious attitude before, so why were you the way you were?

 You remember being in his office when he asked you. 

“How can you act so foolishly? Is this truly the impression you want others to have of you? Childish?” You just smiled at him. “Why would I let people who judge and dislike me dictate my life? Seems quite miserable, no?”

And that’s when it clicked for him. You didn’t care if others found you weird. You just did as you pleased. He doesn’t tell you when he discovers it, but, secretly, he admires your ability to act as if you’re free. To say and do whatever you wanted whenever and wherever you wanted to. And that’s when the attraction starts on his end. 

It took a long time to process this shocking new revelation of his, but he tells you eventually. He confessed when it was just the two of you in his office.

“I…admire you,” he reluctantly admitted.  You slowly raised a brow and merely stared at him, confused. You then had an absolute laughing fit. Once you calmed down you cleared your throat. “You? Admire me?” you laughed. “That’s really funny Smith. I knew you had a sense of humor!” “I’m not one to joke,” he said. He took off his sunglasses and looked you in the eyes, something you hadn’t seen him do before…ever. “I admire your ability to act as if you're free.” “Pardon?” “Even while knowing about the existence of the Matrix, you are truthful about your…personality,” he stated. “The common conclusion is that you would act more studiously after you learned the truth. Yet, here I am having to endure your ludicrousness…” Smith continued to look into your eyes. “...and quite…fond…of you.” You smiled at his confession.

And that’s basically how you two ended up in a relationship. You don’t officially tell Brown and Jones, but they can tell that the two of you are together.

Both agents certainly see the effect you have on him. Ever since you came into the picture, he’s been letting loose. Not letting loose as in fully making a fool out of himself, but letting loose as in wearing ties that aren’t black on some occasions…but not a color that stands out he finds that ridiculous, like, a light grey…it’s a work in progress.

But in short, it’s the little things that are so subtle that give it away.

Smith loves you. But sometimes you’ll say or do things that make him go, ‘Okay, so…what the fuck?’ in his head. 

After a while, he was able to group your most common stunts—or as you liked to call them, acts of affection—into four main categories.

CATEGORY 1: NICKNAMES

The first thing that comes to his mind is the nicknames. You come up with nicknames for him like clockwork. As soon as you step into his office in the morning, he knows you’re going to say something silly.   

“Heyyo, Smithy! How goes?” “Smitherino! Glad to see you!” “The Smithinator! What’s up?” “The program, the Smith, the legend! Long time no see.” “We saw each other an hour ago–”

Each time the nickname gets wackier and wackier. He’s just accepted his fate at this point, there’s no stopping you. With time, he’s found the nicknames to be slightly endearing, but just the tiniest bit. (That’s such a lie, he totally loves it)

CATEGORY 2: SUNGLASSES

The first time you had done it, he hadn’t seen it coming. It was just a regular day and you had been no doubt doing something silly.

“Please consider your reputation.” “Y’know, what? You’re right, Smith,” you said with a nod. “I must act accordingly and consider my reputation. I’ll try to act like you, more seriously.” He watched as you reached into your pocket and grabbed a pair of black sunglasses. You firmly planted your feet against the ground and clasped your hands together. You stared straight ahead into the distance. “Am I brooding correctly? You seem to be the expert.” “I don’t brood.” “Yeuh-huh, alright. And I guess there aren’t stars in the sky too, huh?” You said as you raised your hands in defeat at the inaccurate statement.

You always seem to have a pair in your pocket. And whenever he’d say to act more seriously, you’d imitate him. He isn’t certain where you get them from, but he suspects that two other agents are somehow involved.

CATEGORY 3: THE WEIRD QUESTIONS

When you’re trying to kill time, you’ll say and ask the weirdest questions.

“Smith, I have a question.” He would sigh in response, getting ready to either shut down your question or just let you ramble. “If you could choose the way you died, would you rather be poisoned or get run over by a steamroller operated by chihuahuas?” He slowly turned his head towards you, expressionless. “I think about it a lot…” you sheepishly confessed.

Half of the time, he doesn’t even know how to respond to the things that come out of your mouth.

“Do you ever think about the fact that if I were to cut you off when you were speaking, I would be interrupting a running program?” “No.”  “Okay,” you laughed, a tad defeated.

Jones and Brown certainly hear you say these things as well. He recalls a recent moment when you randomly asked, 

“Are any of you able to pass a CAPTCHA test?” They sat in silence and stared back at you. However, Jones slightly tilted his head to the floor. “I’ll take that as a no.”

Never in a million years could he guess what you would say next. He's constantly getting surprised.

CATEGORY 4: QUIPS

You are very quick to respond with little quips whenever an opportunity presents itself. The first time it happened, it took him by surprise.

“Let’s get on with training for the day,” Smith said. You snorted. “Train her? We barely know her,” you whispered. He quickly turned to look at you, revealing his furrowed brows. He stared in bewilderment. You just smiled at him in response. “What was that?” “Nothing. I didn’t say anything” You said innocently.

He’s so used to it by now that he tries everything he can to not put himself at risk to be at the receiving end of a joke. But alas, you manage to get him in the end anyway.

“Y/N, please try to remember to stay on task. I promise you it isn’t that hard.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew he’d messed up. He watched as your lips curled into a large grin. Your eyes gave him an expression that clearly read “I’ve got ya’!.” You let out a soft chuckle. “That’s what she said.” He rolled his eyes. “Immature nonsense,” He muttered.

As much as he likes to pretend, best believe, in private, he eats this shit up. When you're out of the office, he gives into temptation. Now that you’re away from prying eyes, he doesn’t call you annoying, or stare in silence, or ridicule you (that’s a lie, he just doesn’t do it as much). Sometimes he’ll even surprise you by retorting with a joke of his own. 

“Smithy, can I ask you stupid a question?” You asked him with a smile one day. “I suppose you are…inordinately qualified to ask one.” You pause for a minute and then burst out laughing. He can be funny when he wants to be.

Overall, he loves you. He shows his affection subtly, in ways which only those who truly know Smith can tell. You're an illogical necessity.

In the case of you both, opposites truly do attract.

You’d make a fool out of yourself forever if that's what it took to see him smile, or better yet, get to hear the most exclusive sound in the world; his laughter.