Gurl how'd you meet your husband and how do I find one???
Ugh I wish I had good advice because dating keeps changing with apps and shit and it all seems bad.
I met him when we worked together when I was 20 and he was 21. H e seemed intimidating because he’s a big guy but I quickly learned he was a teddy bear and was honest with my feelings that I liked him. A week later he challenged me to a sales contest and he lost on purpose so that he’d get to take me out to dinner!
I think meeting organically through school or work or clubs makes an enormous difference. You can read a person a whole lot faster. Importantly tho— you have be ok with doing scary shit with your feelings. I liked him a lot and word got back to him and I was scared shitless but I pulled him aside and told him “It’s true, I’m into you. No pressure to reciprocate but I wanted to say it myself.” Sometimes I think back on that like damn, am I… badass? I think dating these days is like speaking in code or something. Just don’t play that game.
We dated and importantly (to me, because I wanted independence. I haven’t even taken his last name lmao), we did not live together until we got engaged 9 years later. You NEED time to discover YOU. To struggle and learn and become. Living authentically is the most magnetic you can be. I swear the world opens up for you.
Also, we were both young and dumb and certainly weren’t perfect to each other early on but the baseline that was unwavering is that he respected me— always. That man never dogged me to his friends, he values my opinion, he likes my company. And that was true from the beginning even as we both worked through maturity stuff. You have to trust your gut on that.
I know it’s hard out there. Men are quite terrible and dumb sometimes! But the good ones are out there— quite literally in the physical world— and you have to be scared and go meet them. The men who are well-adjusted socially are out being social! So you probably gotta get out there too. My sister met her husband at the bus stop! Do a brave thing and flirt. Be a little scared. At minimum it makes a good story lol.
