Okay, this is a request I had from againstthecurrentofgold-- for her birthday, I believe. It's September at last, so I'm posting it. Request was for a 1940's Stasha AU, wherein Peggy is basically replaced by Natasha. I used lines from the movie to tie in. ^^
Hope you like it!
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The first time Steve laid eyes on her, he could have sworn his heart actually skipped a beat-- arrhythmia will do that to a guy. She was knock-your-socks-off beautiful; the kind of beautiful that makes a man want to get over there and prove himself. The problem was that at the time, Steve was one hundred pounds soaking wet and suffering from so many conditions that he'd been denied entry into the army during a war. Come on! During a -war-. When they needed every able bodied man who dared to step up, the army was still basically saying, "No, you're still not good enough. Not even if we were desperate, which we are."
Nevertheless, Steve found his way in via Dr. Erskine, who promised him a chance. Hell, a chance was all he'd ever wanted. It was there, on the army base, that Steve saw her. With short, neatly styled red hair and a Russian accent, of all things, Natasha was the very epitome of different. Steve had never seen anyone like her, man or woman. He couldn't take his eyes off her.
"Comrades", she began. "My name is Agent Natalia Romanova. I supervise all operations in this division." She moved in front of the line of men and stood with her hands folded behind her back. "Fall in", she commanded, her tiny frame doing nothing to take away from the fierce authority in her words.
One of the men, Hodge, chuckled and gave her a smirk. "What's with the accent, Red? Thought this was the U.S. Army."
He got a few laughs, but everything went silent when she stepped up to him. "Place one foot in front of the other", she said evenly.
"We gonna wrestle? I got a few moves I know you'll like." He winked, Steve rolled his eyes and Natalia delivered a harsh right hook to his face, sending him tumbling to the ground in a cloud of dust.
Steve was pretty sure he was in love.
During basic training, his time with her was limited. She was their commanding officer, hounding them through push ups and jumping jacks and the other brutal physical tasks they had to go through. Seeing her every day made the trouble breathing and the teasing from the other men worth it.
And then... he was chosen.
The day they told him, Steve sat on his cot and watched the other men pack, wondering how they'd come to their decision, but not questioning it. He would never question it-- he wanted this, and he would do the best he could to honor Dr. Erskine's work.
That morning, it was Natalia who came to get him, already dressed in his uniform and waiting for his escort. They took a car together and Steve managed to make a perfect fool of himself.
"I guess I just dont know why you'd wanna join the army if you were a beautiful dame...woman... agent..."
"You have no idea how to talk to a woman, do you?"
"I think this is the longest conversation I've ever had with one. Girls aren't exactly lining up to dance with a guy they might step on."
He was pretty sure the conversation was going to hell, but something unexpected happened.
"You have danced before, though, yes?"
He shook his head. "Asking a woman always seems so terrifying. After a while, didn't seem to matter that much. Figured I'd wait."
He made her smile. That smile was definitely for him, and its presence made stepping into that room to find everyone staring at him a lot easier. When he was strapped into the machine --built by Stark, of all people-- he made sure to look at her one last time and she smiled again, however fleetingly. Beautiful.
The procedure hurt like a thousand knives stabbing him all over his body. All the beatings in the world couldn't compare to what he was feeling-- every muscle pulling, expanding, growing and for what felt like /hours/, he fought to keep breathing, keep his eyes open, keep living. He tried not to, but in the end he had to scream. No! He could take it! When he came out in a puff of smoke, he barely had time to register the changes before Natalia touched him-- just for a moment-- and gave him a shirt.
Everything got a little foggy after that. Dr. Erskine was dead and Steve saw red. He tackled Natalia so she didn't get hit by the car-- because at that moment, she was the most important thing-- and then he took off. He could run, and he could run really fast. He could swim too! And apparently breathe underwater a lot longer than was strictly normal.. God, it was all such a blur.
It was only after he'd watched the spy die on the ground in front of him did Steve even give a thought to his body. He was big. He was strong. He was tall. Everything was different.
The tights, he had to admit, were a bit of a surprise. Steve had to pack away all his pride and get up there with chorus girls and a fake Hitler and pretend to be oh-so-happy to be doing what he was doing. He wasn't, really. It was humiliating for a while, though the fact that he was now a comic book character and had kids asking for autographs was pretty flattering. Not to mention the girls. All of a sudden, girls wanted to talk to him. And then he got up in front of the troops. It was more humiliating than all the rest and while Steve tried to convince himself otherwise, he was really very little more than a dancing monkey.
All of a sudden, however, Natalia was there with her red hair and her plump lips and Steve had to remember that he didn't /have/ asthma anymore, so why was it so hard to breathe? Of course, all that was put on hold when Bucky came into it. Being told that Bucky was dead was... heartbreaking. Steve felt his chest tighten and he couldn't believe it for a minute, that he hadn't been there to stop it. Not Bucky. He had to be okay.
"You told me you thought I was meant for more. Did you mean it?"
"Then you gotta let me go."
On the plane, with Stark at the wheel, Steve was surprised to find that even though he was dropping into airspace behind enemy lines, he could take time to worry about the fact that Natalia and Howard were... fondue-ing. He was jealous, but he had to focus on the mission! So he did. Honestly, it went better than he imagined and when Steve returned, he had to be a little proud of himself. He wished all those guys who'd beaten him up could see him now. And she was there again, looking up at him like she'd known all along that he could do it.
"I couldn't call my ride."
When they returned to the base in London, while the ceremony for his medal of valor was going on, he was busy giving the colonel and Natalia all the information he could. He reiterated maps for them, told them what he'd see while he was storming the Hydra base... and most importantly, kept smiling at Natasha whenever he could. He was even given a proper military uniform.
At the bar that night, Steve managed to secure a group of men he trusted, who were loyal to him. He felt proud that he was able to lead and the fact that Bucky was back just made him happier. This was how it was meant to be. He was at the bar getting another whiskey with Bucky while the men sang and enjoyed their free pitcher of beer when she came. Steve was incredibly proud that his jaw didn't actually drop, but judging by the sudden silence around them, he figured he wasn't the only one who was impressed, to say the least. Clad in a black dress hugging every one of her generous curves, she walked in like she owned the damn place and stood right in front of him. It was clear that she /knew/ how the men were staring, how Bucky was staring, but she didn't care. Her eyes were on Steve. He would be lying if he said that he didn't look her up and down when she turned away for a moment, and he figured she knew that too. Once they'd spoken about Steve going to see Howard in the morning for some new equipment, she veered off topic and he had to force himself to stay calm.
"It looks like your men are readying themselves", she said sarcastically, noting the half drunk men singing showtunes at a table nearby.
Bucky piped in with a short laugh, but Natalia never looked away from Steve. "You don't like music?"
She smiled a bit, green eyes locked with Steve's blue ones. "I do, actually. I might even, when this is all over, go dancing." Oh, she meant with him.
Steve pressed his lips together and smiled boyishly as Bucky spoke up again. "What are we waiting for?"
That was it, then. Steve was absolutely in love. It felt good.
Of course, he hadn't anticipated the young girl who found it absolutely necessary to 'thank' him for rescuing all those men. Honestly, he should have guessed what was about to happen based on how she was looking at him. Steve had only been kissed once before, by a girl in art school that was basically just thanking him for drawing her so well. His hands bunched up into startled fists when this second kiss came, but they found her waist soon enough. She tasted like cigarettes. And then Natalia was there, barked at him, and Steve pulled away, straightening his tie and rushing after her.
"Looks like finding a partner wasn't that hard after all."
"Natalia, that's not what you thought it was."
"I don't think anything, Captain. Not one thing. You wanted to be a soldier and now you are, just like all the rest."
"Well, what about you and Stark? How do I know you two haven't been...fondue-ing?"
She stared at him and arched an eyebrow before turning on her heel and marching away.
"You still don't know a thing about women."
It wasn't until after Steve went to find Howard and desperately asked him what was going on with him and Natalia that Howard took the time to explain that fondue was a food. Steve felt like an idiot for the millionth time. She was pissed, evidenced by how she shot at him to test the strength of his shield-- the shield he was already very attached to. He'd have a hard time denying that he wasn't just a little turned on by it, but by the way Howard was staring after her right alongside him, Steve figured he wasn't the only one.
New uniform strapped on and painted in his signature colors, Steve began a long tour of blowing up every Hydra base on the map. One by one, leading his men, he worked for weeks on end and managed to severely damage Schmidt's forces; men, supplies, artillery and bases. He carried a picture of Natasha around with him in his compass, so he could look at her whenever he wanted to, and remind himself why he had to get home safe.
He should have known from the very beginning that something would go wrong. In his life, there was always something. With Bucky at his side, Steve led their group onto a train via zipline, hoping to capture Schmidt's right hand man. They were separated, they were attacked.
It was like he'd died all over again, but this time it was for sure. There was no way in hell Bucky could have survived, and a thorough survey of the area confirmed that, though no body was ever found either. Steve was beyond broken; his best friend, practically his brother, was dead.. and it was all his fault.
When he returned to the bar in London seeking out enough alcohol to make him forget that he'd just said goodbye to someone he considered a brother, he realized two things; one, the bar was destroyed thanks to the London bombings and two, he couldn't get drunk. It was a cruel irony, considering he never drank all that much to begin with. The one time he needs it, inebriation is impossible to achieve. Natalia being there was a surprise, but there she was. For once, Steve just wasn't in the mood to be nice, to attempt to flirt. How could he? It felt like part of himself was gone.
"It was not your fault", she said, her accent still rather thick.
"If you read the report, you know that's not true."
"Steve, he thought you were worth following. That has to mean something."
It didn't-- not in the context of his misery at the moment. Bucky trusted him, and Steve let him down. That hurt more than he could possibly say, especially after all the times Bucky had come through for him. In the wake of Bucky's death, they captured and interrogated Schmidt's right hand man only to find out that they had to act immediately, if they wanted to save millions of lives.
They -or Steve, at least- decided that a frontal, offensive attack was the best way to go. He rode in on a motorcycle, letting them chase him, storming the last and most crucial base on his own so they could take him right to Schmidt. They had a plan, of course, and when his men come through, Steve takes off after the main event, intent on knocking him out once and for all and ending this whole thing. Everything was going so well, until Schmidt got into that plane. Steve chased after him, but while he could outrun a /car/, a plane is just a little too fast. If he was being honest, he was scared right then and there that it was over. New York would be decimated, and again.. it would be all his fault.
But then the car came up and he hopped in as they took after Schmidt, his commanding officer at the wheel. This was it, and Steve knew he could do it. He had to; for Bucky, for New York, for the country. He had to succeed.
The kiss was... heaven. It was a surprise, of course, and Steve just stared down at her for a moment, but it was hope. He finally had someone to come home to.
He nodded and within minutes, he was on the plane with Schmidt, making his way through a crowd of random men in black and basically fighting his way through a heap of obstacles to get to Schmidt at last. Their battle was hard, with Red Skull being as enhanced as Steve was, but in the end... Steve won. He won. It was hard to believe, honestly.
It only took him a few minutes to realize that he hadn't won at all. The cube was gone, having burned through the hull of the ship and fallen, but that was peanuts compared to the fact that the plane was heading for New York and there was nothing Steve could do, except...
"Yes, Captain. This is--"
Her voice cut through and Steve's heart swelled.
"That's a little harder to explain."
"Let me get Howard. He'll know what to do. We'll find you a safe landing site."
"I don't think there's gonna be a safe landing. There's not enough time. This thing's heading for New York. I gotta put her in the water.
"Don't do this. We can work it out."
For a moment there, Steve thought he heard her voice grow thick with tears and even though the last thing he wanted to do was make her cry, it meant so much that she cared.
"A lot of people are gonna die if I wait any longer. Natalia, this is my choice."
She went quiet and Steve pulled his compass out, setting it down in front of him so he could look at her picture and say a quick prayer-- he'd asked to be soldier. Well, that's what he got.
"I'm gonna need a rain check on that dance."
She paused and when she spoke again, he could hear it. She was crying.
"Alright. Next Saturday at the Stork Club."
"Eight o'clock sharp. Don't you dare be late. Understood?"
Steve kept his eyes open, settled on the clouds that were quickly giving way to the icy landscape he'd be crashing the plane into.
"I still don't know how to dance."
A sniffle. God, he was making her cry.
"I'll show you how. Just be there."
"We'll have the band play something slow. I'd hate to step on your---"
Steve was pretty sure that there was no way to describe how much panic builds up in a person's heart and mind when they walk out into a city they've known all their life to find that they don't know it at all. It was definitely New York City, but.. it wasn't. Then, of course, this guy walks up to him in leather and an eye patch and...
"You've been asleep, Cap. For almost seventy years."
It felt like his heart stopped beating. Seventy years. How could that be? How did they find him? Oh, God. Natalia.
"Are you gonna be alright?"
"Yeah, I just... I had a date."
A date with a woman who would be pushing ninety right now, if she was even still... He swallowed hard. No, he couldn't think about that right now. Fury, as he had introduced himself, escorted Steve back to base and explained everything the best he could, set Steve up with a tiny apartment and gave him the files of all the people he'd worked with, at his request.
Everyone, it seemed, was gone. Natasha's file, however, proved to be the most difficult to understand. It had a picture of her-- all dolled up like she used to be-- and it listed her as inactive, but there was no address, no phone numbers. There was no way to get in contact with her and when Steve asked Fury about it, he said all would be explained in time.
Honestly, Steve took that as news of her death and figured they didn't want to scar him too much. For the next couple of weeks, he tried to get acclimated to the new century he'd been thrown into. All of a sudden, it was okay for women to run around in barely any clothes. Men kissed other men on the street, there were black men and white men using the same bathrooms and, for the love of God, there were tiny, futuristic looking gadgets that, after a really, really embarrassing situation, Steve learned were phones. It was all very shocking.
He didn't sleep much, or at all, for several days at a time. Instead, he went to the gym and joined with some of the money Fury gave him, destroying punching bag after punching bag in his attempt to quell some of the nightmares and ease some of the pain. He'd lost everyone; Bucky, his men, Howard... Natalia. He was alone. He went days without speaking to anyone, watching long documentaries about the things he'd missed until he just couldn't take it anymore. Some days he wondered if maybe they never should have rescued him.
When Fury came to the gym that day and handed him a file with that blasted cube in it, Steve was understandably shaken. Once he'd showered, dressed and agreed to sign on with SHIELD, they'd had a long conversation that involved explaining to Steve that not only did Norse gods exist, but they had come to Earth threatening interstellar war. It was like something out of a book or something, but hey. If they needed him, he was there. He didn't have anything else to live for.
Agent Coulson, from the get go, was a guy Steve automatically liked. It was kind of strange that he'd watched him while he was sleeping, but Steve let that go in favor of feeling rather touched by the thought that old fashioned was something people needed these days. And Banner! He hadn't even met the guy and he figured he was working towards a serum for the right reasons. The thing inside him was of no consequence as long as he was on the right side.
They landed and Steve walked out next to Coulson, squinting in the bright light. "Agent Romanov, this is Captain Rogers."
What? Steve turned his eyes to the redheaded agent in front of him and gaped. "M-Ma'am." What was she.. How.. What?
And she seemed as unaffected as ever. "Hi." They walked a few steps and Steve was just about to say something when she spoke again. "There's quite the buzz around here, after finding you in the ice. I thought Coulson was gonna swoon." Hey. Her accent was gone. "Did he ask you to sign his Captain America trading cards yet?"
Why wasn't she saying anything about this? Why didn't he get.. a hug or something? Wait, what? "Trading cards?"
She smiled a little, teasing smile and directed his attention to another man awkwardly making his way over. "They're vintage, he's very proud."
Once he met Dr. Banner and they weren't alone anymore, Steve figured that bringing up their past would be unwelcome and unwise. So, he remained silent on the matter. Life went on, he fought Loki in Germany and wound up fighting Stark with more anger than anyone. Natalia was there... No. Not Natalia anymore. Natasha. She was there, but they didn't speak much. When Thor showed up and grabbed Loki, he only had one second to be offended that Natasha didn't think he could stand up to Stark and the others. Fine.
"There's only one God, ma'am, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't dress like that."
Admittedly, the glare he received when Tony had to fly him back onto the jet was rather clear and made him shrink down like a little kid. She'd changed. Through Loki's interrogation, he realized that she wasn't the woman he'd once known and he had to wonder... what exactly she'd been through to make her that way. They still fought well together and God knows, she still took his breath away, but there was so little warmth. The insinuation that something had previously gone on between her and Barton was not well received either, but what could he do? He hadn't been there.
When it was all over and Loki had been taken back to Asgard with Thor, Steve knew that he had to say something, or regret it forever. Nevertheless, he didn't get his chance. Tony had invited all of the Avengers to live in the newly redone Stark Tower-- now Avengers Tower-- and Steve wanted to refuse. He did because as much as they'd resolved their issues, he and Tony still didn't really get along. But Banner lived there and there were rooms open for Natasha and Barton and Thor, which meant Steve was moving in.
After a while, he was told that Natasha would be moving in, followed by Barton once he returned from a mission. Steve figured he'd finally have his chance, but he was wrong. She avoided him like the plague, always darting around corners and disappearing when he entered the room. For a while, he thought he was going crazy, but it dawned on him all at once. She didn't want him. Maybe she had, but.. not anymore. Right. He'd stayed in his room for three whole days after that revelation; working out, reading and drawing. If she couldn't even stand to look at him, he'd stay out of her way.
Nights weren't easy for him. Not only was it hard to actually reach the point where he was tired, but when he did sleep he was plagued by memories from the past-- the war, the ice... Natalia. It felt like she was a different person, entirely independent of the Natasha he knew now, especially since Natasha wanted nothing to do with him. Still, Steve would try to go to bed at a decent hour, even if it meant staring up at the ceiling. It was on one of those nights that she came to him. He saw the sliver of light from the hallway as she crept into his room, felt the bed dip beside him, felt the press of a small, warm body beside his.
She cut him off with a hand on his chest and Steve fell silent like he was taking orders from her. He remained that way as she seemingly listened to his heartbeat, eyes closed, not moving a muscle. After a few minutes, Steve thought she might have fallen asleep.
"I thought you were dead", she whispered. "I thought you were never coming back no matter what Howard said. And you're here."
It was like she was trying to convince herself that yes, Steve had survived. He listened, but he had no idea what to say, so he just laid his hand over hers on his chest and stroked the back of her hand with his thumb.
"I'm not Natalia anymore", she continued. "I'm the Black Widow. I've done terrible things to innocent people and I've killed.. so many."
Steve wanted to ask why. He wanted to know what had happened to her, how she looked the same, why her eyes didn't shine the way they used to, but he kept silent again.
"And then you come back and you're exactly how I remember. A little scared, a little worse for wear, but you're still the same man."
There was a long pause and she pulled her hand away, which felt like a great loss to Steve. He still loved her. It felt like it had only been a few weeks since he last saw her, all dressed in her uniform and kissing him on his way to get Schmidt. She moved and he grabbed her wrist.
"Please don't go", he said quietly. "Please. I already lost you once."
In the darkness, she seemed to consider his words for a long moment. "I'm not the girl you think I am anymore, Steve. I'm broken. I've got red in my ledger."
He shook his head, slipping his hand into hers and lacing their fingers together. "I don't care. I've loved you since the moment I saw you, that day on the base. And I don't want this to be about pity, but Nat.. I mean, I thought I'd lost you. They wouldn't tell me where you were and I thought you'd died like everyone else..."
She cut him off again, but this time with a soft, yet demanding kiss to his lips.
There was no answer as she pulled her hand away again and pressed close to him, laying her head on his chest and slipping one arm just under his shirt to take advantage of how warm he was. Steve only had to think for a minute before he wrapped his own arms around her. She felt perfect there, their legs tangled together, her body fitting every bit of his own. It felt right at last. After a moment, he curved his neck to bury his nose in her hair just as she tilted her head up to press into his neck.
She smelled like strawberries.