#aetherium rambles

So not only did my psych use an outdated term, no, he also called me a non-disordered system. And told me to my face at some point that he didn't believe I was traumatized (but he still put PTSD on the diagnosis list anyway).

Thanks I guess????

If I want to ask an AI, I'll do it. I asked humans though.

And yes, bla bla, don't assume someone used AI unless you have proof, but these people have frequently used AI in the past and pretended it was theirs, admitted to it when they got called out on it and I'm sick and tired of it.

I genuinely don't care if people, on their own, use AI for things. None of my business. But if I ask humans for help and get some AI response I could've just generated myself, that's when it becomes my business.

It feels like I'm not even worth that people use their brains for me. And that is an awful feeling.

Not to mention that I already know that these people can't really stand me and view me as beneath them. And they are the damn admins of the server that this is happening in and since I do want to be a part of the community (not theirs, just the community itself), I need to keep my mouth shut about things that piss me off.

Oh well. Whatever. Didn't blow up on them, surprisingly, managed to fawn my way through this while still criticising the lack of quality in the response they gave me.

I'd rather know that someone is reading/writing tons of proship/darkship/whatever (doesn't even need to be ship lol, can also just be violence/abuse centered etc.) to cope instead of coping by actually doing harm to others or getting themselves into dangerous situations.

Fiction doesn't hurt real people. Actions do.

I used to be a "don't like, don't read" person and then was pushed towards being heavily anti-fiction by the outrage about "problematic fiction" and then I realized that it literally doesn't matter what gets written and what doesn't except that the people who use it to cope would need other ways to cope if they can't write their fiction and depending on the issue that can get difficult to find.

Yes, there may be awful people who seek out that specific fiction to get off on it, you can't prevent that from happening, but even if: I'd rather know someone who would be willing to hurt a real person is reading proship than hurting that real person.

By the way, do you want to forbid authors to write morally fucked up stuff now? Like do you want to ruin the horror/thriller genre etc. by forbidding all that? Because that's where this is going.

Fiction literally exists to explore themes that aren't possible in the real world. That includes themes that shouldn't be happening in the real world because they're inhumane, etc..

Me: *drags out a scene in a roleplay for an excessive amount of time to get everything right that is going through the characters mind* (he had extreme decision paralysis due to fighting his childhood conditioning to try and make the right decision)

And then afterwards realising how healing it was that the scene ended well because damn I experience that shit too often with it not ending well.

Plus the fact that my roleplay partner was alright with my way of writing the scene instead of getting frustrated because it "could be unrealistic/exaggerated". Made feel super validated.

And only then realising that I'd been projecting onto my character this whole time. And that's why I feel so validated.

Turns out one of the people I'm rp'ing on discord with now is a 1-5 sentences person, and turns out I went from being a 1-2 paragraph person to being a 6-8 paragraph person. Oops.

Anyways this is good practice in creative writing that I haven't had in years. Since I want to write my own book eventually, I really need this. I've especially noticed that I struggle to give side characters more than 1-2 defining traits and reduce them to those. Time to practice making them full people lmao

It's just quite frustrating to not get the same effort back (I told my current rp partner and at least they are trying to give me more to work with now).

Anyways if anyone is up for roleplay that may or may not involve heavy themes (violence wise), potential dead dove: do not eat, and can either be Marvel themed or completely original, hmu!! Currently have two OCs who I love to roleplay as (one is the leader of a global mutant rebellion, the other is a HYDRA experiment/agent (with potential for redemption if he meets the right people).