#aegious

You have to face it.

Aegis shook his head. He picked up the pace, finding a break in the thick trees, the swift peek of a well-trodden dirt path. He held his breath for a short moment, then rushed forward in a desperate sprint. One that led his way out of here, out of this maze of darkness that only-

You can’t ignore it.

He blinked, and that was a mistake. The trees closed in, the light from outside shut away. He was locked away again.

There was hot breath at his neck.

You have to face me.

Aegis was exhausted but he wasn’t helpless. Not now, not like before when blood fell across the floor, and all he could hear was a scream. He turned, swinging his spear along with his body. The motion was hasty, pulling fiercely at his arm as if it would wrench right off his shoulder. He wasn’t helpless, but he was sloppy. Ever since losing his rank, he fought like a common bandit.

He just wanted to get away. He just wanted to get away. Just leave me alone!

It was only later that he realized he had swung at air.

Aegis stumbled again, falling to his side. The spear clattered, but he wouldn’t let go. If he let go, he’d be helpless. He can’t be helpless. Not now.

It still chased him down, but he couldn’t see it.

“What do you want from me?!” he shouted into nothing. His voice was instantly swallowed up by the trees, by the air of past rain. It clogged his throat, nearly made him choke, but he held firm. He held tight onto what he knew he was.

He was a knight, and he couldn’t be afraid. But he was so, so afraid.

You don’t own it. Any of it.

Footsteps, once again like thunder. It would deliver the lightning if it got any closer. And even though Aegis couldn’t see it, his tongue tasted smoke. So close to choking, but he couldn’t let it.

You can’t keep running.

His hands dug through wet dirt. His skull hurt beyond repair. The voice slid around like a snake, bathed in fire, scales as sharp as a knife.

“How can I face you if you’re not even here?!” Aegis raised his head, and was instantly greeted to a row of sharp teeth.

That hot breath washed over him. The voice embraced him like strong hands around his neck.

Don’t you look away, it warned.

Aegis did immediately that.

He got to his feet and ran. He ran as fast as he could, having seen the monster’s face. That thing. That thing. He slipped between tree trunks to rush down a steep slope. There was the remains of a river, now down to a trickle that was more like a weak stream. He stepped through it, getting his shoes soaked, and quickly stepping onto dry land again.

He ran, and ran, until he moved into a clearing, where the trees leaned down like crooked bodies all around him. But there was nothing here. He couldn’t hear that thunder anymore.

The spear in his hand felt so heavy. It was dragging him down to the earth. But I can’t let go.

The moment he took another step, and a darkness fell over him, shutting out all light, all sound except for his own shouts.

“No! Get away!” He held the spear out defensively in both hands, despite how much his arms shook. His muscles burned with the strain. But I can’t let go!

Don’t you look away, it said again, and from that darkness came its head, crowned by an all-too familiar red, a red he wished he had never known about.

It walked on all fours, with claws that looked to have been shaped from molten fire, cutting through though the ground as it walked. From its back were a great pair of wings, stretching out and making its shape different from the eternity of shadows around them both. Its wingspan was lined with that same fire, burning and full of heat.

But Aegis’ eyes were drawn to its head. It had horns so stepped in red, dripped in familiar blood. It aimed for him like a knife in the dark. But even more atop was a symbol, a crown, so steeped in Sin, completely bathed in it. The image etched into Aegis’ eyes like brand. It hurt to even look at it for long.

He could barely see its eyes, if it even had any at all.

It walked closer, and so with a panic, Aegis struck out at it with its spear. It hit something solid this time, pierced through real flesh, and finding real blood underneath all that darkness. It was real.

Yet it hadn’t even flinched. The panic spread across his heart, like a sickness.

Let me look away, he pleaded.

You can’t.

In terror-ridden defiance, Aegis turned to the left, and there it was again. It opened his mouth wide, and there were so many teeth, and from those teeth dripped something hot and searing onto his face. He cried out, striking out his spear again. Once again it hit, once again it did nothing. He fought against a living wall full of contempt.

“Don’t come near me!” But no matter how much he moved back, or turned away, or shut his eyes… He still saw the monster, darkness on wings, fire filling its insides.

That crown, full of Sin.

Own your Sin. Own your fear. Own me. Or I will destroy you from the very inside of your heart.

He reached again for his spear, and his hand merely closed over air. Aegis looked down, finding nothing there.

No. He hadn’t even let go. He hadn’t. He knew he hadn’t!

Own me, it said again, then pounced.

Aegis hardly had any time to scream. But he was wrestled to the ground, and the monster above him extended its neck, again showing off his teeth, showing off what it could do. Its claws gripped Aegis, and that same heat, fire, burned through his skin.

Dark shadow, lit up by Sin, seeking Punishment, seeking him. It had been chasing him for so long. I will destroy you. I will own you. The words pounded within his skull while its deep growls, like stone that moved underground, heat up by the world’s very core, rushed through his chest. Or is that what you like?

And Aegis had seen this, this thing. This thing with its red mark of a crown, with its long, arching wings that flew out from its back, with its breath that tasted of fire and gunpowder. Like a shadow, that never let up, that would never keep away for as long as he lived.

A transgressor like him would be forever on the run.

The claws cut through his vest like kindling, and the deep residue of despair that he felt then made his heart still. Even through all the monster’s many teeth, through its sharp words that struck into his insides, breaking his body in half, it was smiling.

That was all this monster ever did.

“What are you doing?” he demanded, but it sounded more like a beg, so weak and pathetic.

The monster stared before it leaned down, planting its sharp teeth on its shoulder. The pain was unbearable. He couldn’t hold back his scream.

“No! Get off me!” Aegis struggled, but the teeth stayed on him, dug through his skin. It was enough to rip his shoulder off, but it never did so. It just held him down, making its mark on him, punishing him until his own blood would stain the ground forever.

I’ll take you from inside and out, it promised. Isn’t that what you want?

He would have fallen unconscious from the pain alone, but something made him stay awake through it all. His tendons were slowly being torn to shreds, and his arm, the one that handled his spear would become useless if he let it happen. Did he want this to happen? Did he want this thing to pick at his bones clean?

With a shout, he reached out with his hands, grabbing onto something, anything.

He felt the slickness of those teeth, and he pulled them away.

He would do anything to make this thing feel the pain it kept giving to him.

It hurt to make it let go, yet it did move back and released his shoulder. But then it faced him again, and he could see his own blood stain its mouth, dripping onto his face.

Will you fight back? Its voice echoed in his head, even as it opened its maw wide. Only pitch black within.

Aegis struggled to finally get a better hold. His palms cut open against its teeth, and he thought he could hear the creature laugh, tongue reaching out to lick at the blood that continued to spill.

“No! You don’t control…anything!” Aegis held on through the pain, shuddered at the tongue of the monster. His heart kept beating so fast, it would break through his ribs, it would break through everything that was made of himself – but it would be worth it if he could hurt this thing over him. “You don’t control me!”

Would that be enough? To push the monster full of Sin away with his very own? For a moment, he believed he could do this. He didn’t have to lay down and take this. He didn’t have to let his guilt eat him away until there was nothing left, until he couldn’t hear those screams anymore. No more, please.

He held on to the monster and shoved it away, despite his shoulder being half torn. He saw it just slowly, inch by inch, begin to retreat. Its repeated gutturals, that held him tight and tried to push him back onto the ground, ran through him without mercy. His blood pulsed at its sound. He would go insane if he heard it for much longer.

He had to fight. That’s what that villain once said to him. He had to fight back.

“I get to decide my punishment! Not you!” And he shoved, and he pushed, and he screamed, all as those sharp teeth kept cutting up his hands into ribbons, all as those dark wings blocked out whatever little sun was left, all as that symbol of Sin pierced his very sight.

Then he stumbled. He was on his knees.

Darkness left. He could see the forest again, but it wasn’t the only thing he could see.

Aegis still saw that very symbol, warped, lessened, but the same nonetheless. Branded onto flesh, cut right through with no hope of ever taking it away. He stared for so long that he hadn’t felt the end of something solid press just under his chin, raising his eyes.

Vicious stared down with a smile, his gun feeling alive against Aegis’ skin. The gunpowder on it was fresh. It held fire within its very insides.

“So then? How do you want to be punished?” Vicious asked, his eyes steeped in Sin.

Aegis’ knees continued to ache as he struggled on what to say until he could finally wake up.

The ex-knight nearly slipped out of his bed in his shock, even as he still struggled to say a thing.

But shame made him try to cover his mouth, made him grip the bedcovers tight and look to the other side of the inn room they had rented for the night. He saw Kanata, still fast asleep in his own bed, unheeding to any sound, lost to dreams that must have been composed of anything but guilt.

Just a dream, Aegis thought, yet his shoulder wouldn’t stop hurting.

--

The bar of the inn was not deserted, despite the late hour. He knew the man would be here.

“Hey there, knighty boy. Didn’t know you were a night owl! Care to join in?” Vicious leaned up from the counter, jiggling a glass that was only half-filled at Aegis who came down the stairs. The only light in the room came from a dim lantern, hanging from the far-right wall, doing little to illuminate anything but the biting smile on Vicious’ face.

Then a pause. That smile deepened to a frown. “Huh. You look like shit.”

“Thank you, you’re always so kind.” Aegis rubbed his temples with both hands. It did little to help – especially when all he could do was stare hard at the glass that Vicious immediately downed.

“I’m the fucking kindest person around! Come on, next round’s on me. This stuff takes the stings off those bad dreams, believe me.”

“You are not even paying for that at all! What if the innkeeper sees-” Aegis paused, watching as Vicious just nonchalantly poured dark liquid into his glass. “How did you know that? About…”

“Why the hell else you up? Ain’t take no genius to figure that out.” Vicious downed another glass, barely letting the drink settle. “’Sides, not like I don’t know what it’s like to have a nightmare. That’s why it’s good to drink! Gets all that crap out of your head.” Another pour, another thoughtful pause. “Or it just makes you remember it more… Well, that’s just the charm of booze, ain’t it?”

“Ugh.” Aegis frowned, his head feeling even worse. “I only came down for some fresh air, not to partake in your criminal activities.” Yet as he spoke, his eyes were drawn. Because even in the dark, he could still see that Stain of Guilt, branded on the Great Transgressor’s stomach.

Dark wings that stretched out from its back, having so many sharp teeth, its claws imbued with fire, and on its head was a barbed crown. Steeped in Sin, it chased him down, chased him down until he had nowhere to go.

Own me, or do you want me to take you this way? Is that what you like?

“Hey.”

Aegis flinched. He blinked to see Vicious facing him, still seated at the counter. He leaned his face against a fist. “W-what?” Aegis asked with a stumble.

“You know my eyes are up here, right?”

Embarrassment and shame flooded Aegis. He headed straight for the door, moving past the empty wooden tables and chairs that set up the inn’s dining room. “I-I’m sleeping outside! Goodnight!”

“Aw, come on! I was joking, ya idiot! You gonna sleep in the stables?” But Aegis didn’t turn back despite Vicious’ shouts. He wouldn’t! He was already opening up the door, the wind outside bitingly cold. But he welcomed that, anything but the remembered visions of heat and teeth that were on him, taking over, tearing him apart.

The door slammed shut suddenly, before he could even go through. Aegis blinked. “What are you-”

He was whipped around, shoved against the door by strong hands. One of them gripped his shoulder, and he couldn’t help the note of pain that left his voice. It ached still, feeling so tender and weak.

Vicious, who was barely a few inches from him, raised an eyebrow. One hand reached out to move aside Aegis’ vest. In the dim lamplight, there were the marks of bruises, like small punctures, so deep they were nearly stained red.

Aegis stared with wide eyes, remembering more than he ever wanted to. But that was just a dream.

“Sure you don’t want to tell me what your nightmare was all about?” Vicious winked, leaning in close. “Might make you feel better.” The hand stayed just over those bruises, but the touch didn’t hurt this time. Yet even with this idiotic face, his tone had been serious.

In that dark forest, Aegis remembered teeth and blood, remembered claws that kept him rooted to the ground. The guilt, which had been so unbearable, replaced by anger and fury.

Was that the only way for him to live?