In Which Forces of the Universe Do Nothing
Doomed to never be finished!
Space wasn't nearly as proper and punctual as Time. He liked to mess around, defy gravity, slap physics in the face, and make great thinkers like Isaac Newton and Copernicus roll over in their graves. More than anything, Space liked to mess around with Time.
As such, at the tri-annual Universal Meeting of Intangible Forces, the two were always at odds, making an already headache-inducing meeting even more painful.
For one thing, none of the aforementioned and gathered intangible forces knew what they were supposed to meet about, and they had never had a full assembly of every force in the universe. Most of the time, they discussed the mortal human beings on a tiny little mudball planet in the Milky Way.
"Well you know what, Mr. High-and-Mighty-Timey-Wimey, why don't you figure out a way to get Peace more involved with the lives of the mortals?" Space challenged, slapping his palm down on the outer-space meeting table. By this, the narrator means that the table was actually outer space, stars, suns, and all. The stars that made up the table shuddered and swirled about around the impact zone, and one exploded.
"Would you knock that off?" an irritable-looking woman asked from across the table. This was Conscience. "We don't need another galaxy exploding because you can't control yourself!"
"You're not my conscience, Conscience. Besides, shouldn't Self-Control be giving me that lecture?" Space asked.
"Hey, that's not our realm you're messing with," Self-Control spoke up from Conscience's other side, "you're the one who has to deal with asteroids and space debris every time you knock out a planet, Space."
"Back to the matter at hand," Time sighed, "It's not my department to get Peace more involved with mortals. Isn't Free Will supposed to handle that?"
Free Will looked up in protest. "Hey! Don't pin this on me! Mortals don't listen!"
"They listen to me," War said smugly, "and my brothers, Greed, Pride, and Revenge."
"Yeah yeah yeah, don't remind us who your family is, War," Space said irritably. "Speaking of the devils, where are your brothers?"
"Burying Chivalry," War replied.
"He'll be back whenever Honesty decides to show up at a meeting again," Self-Control said.
"Is he a zombie?" a very short Force, Naïveté, exclaimed, "That would be so scary!"
"...You know, I just thought of something. Would Naïveté, Conscience, and Self-Control even count as Intangible Forces? They're more like human traits than forces of the universe," Logic, someone who was sadly mostly overlooked at the meetings, asked. He looked at the three Forces thoughtfully.
"Ha ha ha. That's funny, Logic," Irony chuckled, "You still think you can be applied to a meeting of personified persons representing the varying forces of the universe and human nature, all of them put there solely for the enjoyment of the readers and so they can appreciate a little bit of me. That's funny."
Silence reigned. Most of the gathered Forces stared blankly at Irony, who smiled back serenely.
"Dude, don't do that," Space said nervously, looking around, "the fourth wall exists for a reason."
"Fourth wall? What fourth wall?"
"The fourth wall," Time said. "You know...the boundary between...you know..."
"Honestly, Time, what do you take me for?" Irony scoffed. "I don't care about the state of this fourth wall, and I never have. Are we quite done with this glorified potluck yet?"
"Umm, we didn't get anything done..." Naïveté pointed out.
"We never do," Free Will sighed.
