#advicetonewdoms

So you’ve learned to hypnotize and you’ve found the hypnokink world. Fun, isn’t it? You say some words, tell people to do things, they think it’s fun; everyone’s happy. ”This is so cool”, you think – and it is! Then you discover many people see you as a Dom/me, (confusing the terms ”Tist” and ”Dom/me”), you discover you can boss them around, get what you want, wield power, and they like it! The power feels really good. Even cooler! Everyone’s still happy and a world has opened up before you. Welcome. :)

At this point you have a choice. You can choose to remain an internet insta-dom/me; after all there are plenty of people with fantasies of being hypnotized and dominated, sitting behind keyboards or in front of cams. Quick and easy. You’re in charge, they obey. You can choose to think this makes you ”stronger” than the person you’re ’tizing, and they’re ”weak”; you can even choose to treat them that way. You can get to be the confident hotshot, that you perhaps can’t be irl, you can make yourself  better than them, perhaps boost your self-esteem. You can Be Someone. They’re saying ”yes” to you, so you can do what you want; this is kink, so the usual social rules don’t really count here, do they? [fact check: they do.]

Or you can grow into being a real dom/me. You can choose to see the person opposite you as an equal human being, with a kink that meshes well with your own. You can choose to respect and appreciate them for submitting to you, which enables you to do what you enjoy: dominating them. You can turn them into a drooling, subby mess, exert control, feel the power course through your veins - and then part from each other after a session, with that great feeling of having had a mutual good time, probably with more to come.

The difference is simple: just choose not to be a dick. Be a decent human being who shows respect for the person in front of you. Grow into your power and be worthy of it. Realise that submissives aren’t doormats for you to wipe your feet on. Receive the power and obedience they give you as a gift and appreciate it. We all need to feel valued. A submissive who feels valued will want to trust and submit to you even more and respect you back. That’s really going to boost your self-esteem. It’s a win-win. That’s what makes for good kink. That’s why we do it.