#addia

"You ain't been the same since that town we ran from," Kremy interrupted.

The two glared at each other, the air thick with tension. Frost cleared his throat, and both of them looked at him.

"Are you two done, or do you need me to cast an orb of silence?"

The monotone in the Tabaxi's voice echoed through their skulls. Before they could respond, Frost waved his hand, plunging them into silence.

Gideon stared at Kremy in awe.

"You wanna know why I've been so... funky?"

"Yes! For the Baron's sake!"

"Alright!"

Gideon took a deep breath. His feelings were boiling hot, spilling over. He looked away from Kremy—for a moment, he wished he could just shut up.

"I'm scared... okay? We came really close to dying and... that... that's really been fucking with me. Like..."

He paused to breathe. If he looked at Kremy, he'd cry.

"I'm scared of dying... Because, fuck, man—that's gonna happen. Ya know?"

Kremy was stunned. His eyes twitched as he reached out for Gideon's arm. The Genasi flinched like his fingers burned. Kremy pulled back, then threw his arms around Gideon.

"Oh, Gid... It's okay. Ain't no one gonna hurt ya."

"No one needs to... It's just going to happen, and I can't stop it. Sometimes I'm fine. Then a small thought just fucks me up for a while."

The room went quiet. The tension settled on heavy shoulders as Gideon cried. Tears rolled down his cheeks. His body temperature had dropped significantly since the start of the night.

The orb faded as Frost placed a hand on Gideon. He must have called the others—a goblin hugged Gideon’s leg, and a bugbear squeezed his middle.

Kremy hadn't expected those words in that order to fall so carefully from Gideon's lip, his hands trembling softly before taking a deep breath to steady himself.

It wasn't often this duo was shaken, they were as soild as the stones that carved their stories but this wasn't the case as the world stands still around, Kremy knew Gideon had been struggling, he seen it in the way he sluggish march up the mountain in a brisk weeks it took to cross that icy environment. It had been in the way he's eyes would never drift too far from his glass at the bar. It had been in the way his laughter faltered at a joke that normally had Gideon howling. It had been in the way they conversations didn't flow like the river through Whipperwallow.

Kremy knew he just didn't want to know, it's not that he didn't care for Gideon, he loved him dearly but he hope that he wouldn't have to address the elephant in the room that was that night Kremy saved Gideon's life. He took pride in the fact he had the best bodyguard but for a split second he thought he'd lost Gideon after saving him that night.

"well... You didn't nearly die did ya?.. I saved ya" Kremy started, as if Gideon's feeling on the matter were on mute and he wanted to brush it under the rug.

"i did though, fuck sake Kremy.. You told me that the Baron has us covered.. What does that mean" Gideon snapped as he pulled away from him, the flames trickled down his neck as the room started to heat up around them.

"well hold on now... What I meant was-" Kremy back away from Gideon, his eyes looking towards the door as a means to escape but it be easy as Gideon back him up against the wall, the heat was intense.

The Conman looked into the eyes of blazing hell fire, like staring a charging bull down.

The wall were Gideon's hand rested blackened under a burning palm.

"Tell me what you have planned, whats gonna happen" Gideon barked, Fire bloomed through his hair, up his arms, as though he. were catching alight from the inside out. Kremy's eyes were low as he pushed off the wall, causing Gideon to walk back, as if practice 100s of time, Straight out Gideon collar, smoothing it over with a clawed thumb, the black fabric sat in place as the fire that once threaten to burned them both died off to a flicker.

"I don't know what's wait for us... All I know is the Baron will guide you when our time on Avantris is done. You have been falling for so long Gideon and I'm sorry I've been eager to sweep it away but..." Kremy voice was low and full of honesty.

"you are not falling alone..not anymore. You get some rest then join us in a spell okay" he spoke as he straightened out his jacket and head towards the door not before stopping at the set of drawers.

“Oh — one more thing. I take great pleasure in knowing you think of me fondly.” He tossed a newly cleaned white shirt at Gideon. “But do me a favour next time…”

He winked.

“Wash it before you decide to think of me again.”

A beat.

“Or at the very least... ask for help.”

Kremy’s laugh echoed down the hall, rich and full of affection.

And with that the door closed, Gideon chuckled to him self as he chucked the white Henley on the bed, he reached for his coin purse and joined the boys in the tavern and for once.

He was alive.

Those pesky thoughts may come and go but hia friends all showed him he is not alone.

Freaking out alone.

The smell of something burnt was all his mind could think about, that burning feeling crawling beneath his skin. This wasn’t the kind he was used to — but a kind he was being forced to endure. The parts of him that had died on that train.

The nub of his tail twitched anxiously.

"No, no, no, stop it," he pulled his head to the left, looking toward the door as the fire in his hair burned brightly. Embers fluttered and scorched the fabric of his shirt, flames creeping down his shoulder. His arms felt heavy, desperately clawing at his forearm as he stumbled over the steps, trying to tear off the shackles.

"I brought ya a drinnnk, Gid~," a voice chimed through the door, slurred and rushed, as it swung open.

Kremy hung from the handle, his eye widening as he took in the ball of hellfire burning in the fireplace — Gideon, in his Genasi panic, had taken it upon himself to sit in the hearth.

"Sweet Baron!! Gideon, you are burning up — you gotta calm down!" Kremy yelped as he rushed closer, but the heat radiating from his friend was more than he could handle.

Not that Gideon could hear him, trapped in a memory as the space around him felt tight and constricting.

Kremy's eye settled on the manacles abandoned on the floor — that explained why Gideon was a bonfire right now.

He looked around the room, spotted a large vase full of flowers, and — chucking the flowers aside — hurled the water at Gideon.

The fire sizzled as it was snuffed out.

Gideon hissed in pain, whipping his head around to find where the water had come from.

"Krem?" Gideon spoke quietly.

"Gideon..." Kremy cupped his burning face, ignoring the sting as he pulled him in for a hug.

This time was different.

It wasn’t because Kremy needed it — it was because he was terrified of what was happening to his best friend.

Why was he, all of a sudden...

...scared?

"Oh... t... oh... yeah," he barely muttered, his voice rough. Kremy studied his face for a while before his shoulders dropped.

Silence again. Gideon placed the cracked glass down, his eyes drifting toward Kremy.

"...I ain't been myself recently," he started, choosing his next words carefully.

Taking a deep breath, he continued,

"I keep getting in my head about... everything. It's coming up on the anniversary of the day we first met..."

The flames in Gideon's hair flickered, threatening to burn the place down.

"I've been up... just thinking. Dangerous, I know. But I... keep thinking of the hobgoblins coming back. Hells."

Kremy listened intently, his expression uncertain.

"And I know that shit is in the past, but sometimes I look at Gricko and... you know what the kicker is?"

A deep sigh. The bar slowly quieted as stars dotted the night sky. Kremy placed a hand on Gideon's knee, a silent reassurance that he was there.

"I met a family of hobgoblins. They were selling gears and parts. They were so nice... and I've killed so many of their people just because of a small group of them. That's fucked up." His voice swirled with pain as the flames in his hair crept down his back. His fingers toyed with the cracked glass, liquid seeping onto the bar.

"Look, Gideon, it's okay... What happened to you was really screwed up, man... but you can't let it get to you," Kremy's voice trembled as he tried to calm him.

"And hey, that's good, right? You were able to talk to them—hobgoblins."

"You don't get it, Kremy... They ain't the only ones that make me feel like that." Gideon groaned, looking at Kremy desperately, willing him to understand.

"I fear that one day... one day, you'll see me as an investment. I hate it when you pawn off my services... and that's a crazy way to feel."

Kremy was taken aback by Gideon's words. He felt as if he'd been hit with an Eldritch Blast.

The Genasi's breathing quickened as he tried to focus on the present rather than the storm raging in his mind. His hands gripped the bar tightly.

Kremy took in a deep breath and grab Gideon by the braces, pulling him off the bar stool, he wasn't going to pretend that didn't hurt but for now it was the least of his worries.

The cold air cut against Gideon's skin, but only for a moment before the space around him began to heat up. The bar behind him was a distant memory as Kremy tugged him down the street, weaving through city-goers and night owls alike.

That conversation had been a blur to Gideon. Did he really tell the man he wanted more than anything? He thought—maybe—he’d sell him. Even for Gideon, that was crazy.

Kremy was talking, but Gideon couldn’t hear him. All he could hear was his own panicked breathing. It got louder. And louder. And louder—until it was all he could hear, every thought in his head rushing at once.

All the negative things he’d been keeping on low heat started bubbling up—and then he just stopped.

The sudden halt sent a shockwave through Kremy’s arm. The gator looked back, frustration flickering across his face.

“Not another floozy—come on, Gid… Err, Gid?”Kremy’s voice softened as he looked at Gideon.

He was steaming and hyperventilating, as if even breathing—just taking air into his lungs—was a struggle. The flames in his hair were blazing, threatening to catch fire to the bunting overhead. His arms were clutched tight around his midsection, nails digging into red flesh.

He was having a panic attack.

“Hey, hey—whoa, whoa, big guy,”Kremy muttered, trying to pull Gideon out of sight. It worked—just a little. Step by tiny step, they made it out of the street and into an alleyway.

Kremy gently rubbed Gideon’s arm.

The gatorfolk’s voice was calm, methodical, slow. Gideon looked up, tears steaming down his face.

“Hey, big guy… tell me five things you can hear.”

“… I… I can’t.”

“Yes, you can, Gid. Five things.”

“… You… People… Fire… Um… Rustling… Music.”

Kremy guided him through the rest of the senses until they were down to just one.

“One thing you can touch?”

“… You.”

Gideon wrapped his arms around Kremy, apologizing over and over as Kremy stroked his hair. The street quieted around them, and eventually, they made their way back to the inn.

The inn was warm as the Krew stood waiting in the lobby. Kremy had gone out hours ago. Gricko was pacing the floor while Frost sat and meditated.

"Wot if somethin’ happened to Big Red!" Gricko exclaimed, biting his nails. The skin around them was sore from nervous chewing.

Frost was listening to Gricko, his mind tuned in to the goblin’s stress. He tried to search for Gideon or Kremy, but the night was far too busy—too many thoughts and voices. All he could pick up on were Gricko’s obsessive murmurs.

"Gricko... please, I’m trying to focus," Frost huffed, re-centering himself to look again—right before Torbek came bumbling through the doorway.

"Has Mister Kremy come back yet? He seemed pretty upset," Torbek’s voice echoed through the lobby as Gricko looked up.

The goblin pulled Torbek into a hug and replied,

"Noooo, he ain't been back yet."

Gricko looked toward the door, hope dimming. He led Torbek off to sleep, but not without kissing Frost goodnight.

Once the boys had left, Frost was alone with his thoughts—left to reflect on the chaos that had started it all.

The Krew had just come back from a night out. The boys had been in Gideon’s room, playing cards as a way to wind down before bed. But Gideon hadn’t been himself. As Kremy dealt the next hand, his eyes lingered on Gideon.

"Hey... you alright? Look a little pale," Kremy asked, sliding the card effortlessly across the table.

"Hmm... oh, I’m fine. Just fine," Gideon muttered. The boys shared a glance as Kremy pushed a little more.

"Come on, Gideon... what’s going on?"

"Nothin’."

"Now I know you’re lyin’... come on, it’s us."

"Would you just drop it?"

The air turned tense, the table settling into an uncomfortable silence. It was a game now—Kremy knew Gideon better than anyone... or at least, he thought he did.

"Would you kindly tell me what’s going on?" Kremy’s magic swirled around them, gently trying to latch onto Gideon’s mind.

"Would you kindly fuck off!!" Gideon snapped as he stood, the table shifting as he stormed off, leaving everyone stunned.

Which brought Frost to now.

What set Gideon off?

Why didn’t Kremy let it go?

"What is there to talk about?" Gideon muttered under his breath, burying his face into the plush gap.

Kremy waited a while before Gideon spoke again.

"I'm just scared... Ya know, life ain't something you take for a sucker. I'm scared of the... dying bit... darkness forever..."

Gideon's voice was small as a dull ache settled under his horn, a stirring feeling filling his stomach like a boat on a choppy sea.

Kremy sat still for a while, just thinking about what he said. He knew what was waiting for him under the watchful eye of the Baron — but Gods only know what happens after.

"You're born... ya die... that bit in the middle is called life. You gotta make it worth it, live every day like it's your last. And anyway, Baron's got you covered, cher," Kremy said, pressing his snout to Gideon's forehead, his fingers playing with fiery strands.

"You are my world, Gideon. Ain't no one taking that... not even death. So you're stuck with me. Might as well enjoy it," Kremy smiled.

The flame tickled his finger as Gideon finally looked up again, eyes full of tears threatening to steam — but for once, they rolled down his red cheeks.

Gideon was colder than usual.

"Thank you, Kremy... And I... I didn't mean what I said in the bar, or..." Gideon gripped the soft fabric of Kremy's trousers. "I love you... I love you so much it hurts."

A short time passed between them. The chaos of the night outside their room seemed to rage, but in this room, this space — this was Gideon's whole world. Even though his mind was splitting in two, Kremy had him. Holding him close.

"I don't deserve ya," Gideon uttered so quietly it was almost misheard.

"No... It's me that don't deserve you, Gid," Kremy returned, though it hardly mattered as Gideon sat up and kissed Kremy — a slow, passionate kiss that meant the world to them.

Hands wandering, eyes blinded as they deepened the kiss, forever and a day seemed to pass before Kremy finally pulled away.

"Come downstairs, have a drink. It'll do ya good. Cooped up in here ain't nice," the gatorfolk teased as he looked at Gideon, who just sighed, rolled off him, stood up, and changed into a clean shirt.

"Okay, darlin', but only 'cause you asked."

Gideon knew Kremy was right as he opened the door for LeCroux to walk through.

"Alrighty, fellas, we’ll be passing through the mountains, so we don’t wanna get stuck up there," Kremy said as he stepped toward Gideon, placing a hand on his shoulder before continuing.

"It’s gonna be cold, so wrap up warm. We leave in five, okay?"

The group split up, finishing their much-needed coffee and gearing up. Kremy hung back with Gideon, who scooped up his bag with ease.

"How you holding up, Gid?" Kremy asked, treading carefully. Gideon looked up at him with a huff.

He looked tired—like he hadn’t slept in weeks, which wasn’t far from the truth. His hair wasn’t blazing like it usually did, and even his movements were slower than normal.

"I’m... I’m okay. I will be okay. Never been the biggest fan of the cold," he chuckled. It was half-hearted, but it was something.

The crew gathered in the center of town and began heading for the mountains. It was early—the dark sky still clung above them like a weighted blanket, heavy and oppressive. Gideon’s ears perked up at the sound of a train pulling away again, though this time it was muffled. Gricko tugged on Gideon’s arm as they walked. The smog of the city seemed to vanish as the sun began pushing through the void overhead.

Around mid-morning, they stopped briefly. Kremy set up a makeshift kitchen to cook while everyone rested. Gideon pulled out his cigar box and thumbed it, debating whether to have one, but decided against it. His gaze settled on Torbek before he pulled out his notebook and began sketching the canister on the. Bugbear’s back.

"Gideon! Come eat, please!" Kremy yelled over the loud chatter of Gricko and Torbek speaking in Goblinoid.

"Um… yeah… in a sec," he muttered, shading the sketch before tucking the pencil behind his ear and sitting down with the gang to eat.

It was quiet on the road. Kremy saddled up next to Gideon, leaning into him for warmth. The conversation flowed freely, and Gideon seemed in a better mood than he had been in days.

Frost adjusted his hood and looked at Gideon intently. Using his psychic link, he opened a private conversation in Gideon’s mind.

“You seem tense.”

“I’m okay.”

“Kremy told me about the panic attack.”

“Oh.”

“I could show you how to control that.”

The conversation went on for a while. They agreed to try some breathing exercises together—just in case it happened again when Gideon was alone. A pat on the back brought him out of the trance as the small camp was packed up and the journey resumed.

Okay, Gideon, he thought to himself. You want to do right by Frost’s advice.

Inhale

Exhale

Inhale

Hey, that’s a cool bird His mind already started to wander, but he forced it back to focus on his breathing. He counted how many breaths he took in ten steps. It gave his mind something else to do.