#addcest

esper takes the glass and refills it from the bottle that had, magically, returned to three-quarters full in the middle of the night. he says nothing, just reaches over and runs a hand through lusa's hair. it's wild, from his hands tugging at it, from laying on his arm, from everything.

"sometimes i wonder if it's worth it. like, more than usual," lusa slurs, muffled in the crook of his elbow when he finally notices esper isn't handing him the glass yet.

"hm?"

"life," lusa says, as if that explained it. he's a little too drunk to actually make any sense, or keep on one topic for more than five minutes worth of attention span, but the worst part is esper knows what he means. "it's like a cycle of bullshit over and over."

"mmhm."

"but."

lusa falls silent, eyeing him like someone would an expensive trinket in the window of a shop they felt the pull to buy on first glance. there's something soft in the edges of his eyes, in the creases of his small squint. the lights are probably too bright for him by now.

"but?" esper prompts, nudging lusa's elbow with his. he contemplates using the glass as a bribe, or maybe leaning over and tasting the whiskey from the other's tongue.

"but then i see you." lusa's eyes take on a glint, something soft and homey, and it feels, for a split second, as though he's looking through esper, right at his heart or spirit or whatever the hell inhabits his dumb shell of a body, and can't contain his pure adoration. "and i think, fuck-- fuck, i--"

lusa sways, his chair leg scraping painfully against the floor. esper reaches out, yanks him by his unbuttoned sleeve, and helps him regain his stability.

"you're drunk as a skunk," he says.

lusa nods. "maybe so. but i gotta say this, dude. listen to me."

so esper does. but he takes the glass sitting between them and pours it down his own throat. it doesn't sting as bad as it would have without the brake. he reaches behind himself to lay the bottle onto the counter, as far away as his arm lets him.

"i look at you and, fuck, it's like the world's like. good."

"you're just gay," esper remarks. he tries not smiling at his own joke, or blush at lusa's words, but it seems he's failing both, and very spectacularly at that.

"fuck yeah i am. but it's true, it's like you just, i dunno."

"we should get you into bed."

"drunk sex? kinky."

"you're too drunk even for that. shut up."

"i love you."

"yes, yes, now come on."

"es, listen--" and there's something in the tone that makes esper pause, midway through leaning over to pull lusa up and haul him to bed to sleep his drunkenness off. "i… i know i'm drunk. but i still mean it, i do love you."

"and i love you, you big, drunk oaf," esper laughs. he leans down, thinks twice about it and then presses a kiss to lusa's forehead. the smell of alcohol is heavy between them, spreads in the whole kitchen, so maybe it's a good idea to leave and go to an untainted room.

it's a little too much to hope to get lusa in the shower at this point.

"you just gonna wallow?" esper asks, one corner of his lips tugging up unconsciously. "or you gonna get a glass of water for your morning hangover now?"

"you're always so fucking forthright. it's creepy."

"that's my middle name."

"no, it's not. your middle name is edward."

"no, it's definitely creepy. esper creepy grenore. there's also a 'fucking' in there somewhere."

"fuck you."

"maybe when you're sober, okay?"

"mm, 'm gonna sleep it off," lusa says.

he only sways a little when he gets up. esper trusts him not to kill himself on the way to the bedroom, but he still flits behind him and pulls out a pair or pajamas that lusa immediately knocks out of his hands. instead, he clamors into the bed after shucking his sweats and shirt, and esper sighs. he'll wake up cold.

"haven't you forgotten something?"

lusa looks sideways at him, misty eyes and falling eyelids. "hm?"

"you were supposed to prepare water for the morning."

lusa groans and turns over, burying his face into the pillow. his back moves along with his slowed breathing and esper sighs. there's a smile on his lips.

he grabs a glass from the bathroom, the one they usually use for brushing their teeth, and runs the tap. it's not like lusa will be able to tell in the morning anyway.

and maybe he'll even leave meds on the bedside table.

and maybe, just maybe, he'll tell lusa he loves him just as much. when he's not drunk. when he's sure lusa will absolutely remember it.

well, maybe. who knows what the morning will bring.

(he knows. it will be hours of lusa complaining about his hangover. maybe some placating kisses. all good things.)