#adamarks

I love Baz Pitch. 

I realized it last night. 

It wasn’t a hugely romantic night. We were just lying on the couch, his hand was running through my curls, and he made a joke about the show I chose.

I can’t even remember what he said I was so distracted.

But I looked up and he was smiling and my chest felt so warm.

The words almost left my mouth.

But I caught them and let them swirl around my head. 

I love him.

I hadn’t thought those words before last night. But they’ve always been there.

In the way we treat each other. 

He brings me scones when we go off to class, I let him curl into my body heat because he gets cold, he even deals with my stupid shows because he knows I like them.

I guess we’ve been telling each other all along, haven’t we?

I’m sitting on the floor talking to Penny as we eat takeaway.

There is a sea of napkins and chips; I’m in heaven.

“Hey, Penny,” I say around a mouthful of food. “I need your advice.”

She raises an eyebrow as she takes another bite, pushing me to continue. 

“I need your help figuring out how to tell Baz something.”

“Tell him what?” 

I open my mouth to reply, but the door opens and Baz walks through. 

“Look, I know you think it’s necessary to run off to the woods and hide from societal standards, but I think you need to consider how much you hate bugs,” he says, his phone perched between his head and shoulder. 

He gives me a wink as he passes, heading to the kitchen. 

“What do you need to tell him?” Penny whispers.

I lift a finger to my mouth to tell her to shush, looking around frantically for something to write with. 

Baz has too good of hearing. He’ll hear me say it even over his phone call. 

I find a pen on the coffee table and a napkin to write it down.

I love Baz.

I slide it over to her, hoping he doesn’t see as he walks through the living room to the bathroom, trying to get off the phone.

“Fi, I’m going to take a piss, so if you would like to avoid hearing it I suggest you hang up the phone now,” he says.

The door closes.

I turn to Penny.

“Are you going to tell him?” She whispers.

“I don’t know!” I angrily reply. “This should be done in some romantic manner right? Like candlelit dinner or under the stars.” 

I should make it special, right?

“Simon, it’s not a proposal.”

I shrug.

Then the thought of a proposal runs through my head.

Who is going to propose first?

Me? Baz?

The panic increases as I think about how big I’ll have to do that.

A trip?

A night out?

Should I choose a special spot?

“Everything alright in here?” Baz asks, coming back out of the bathroom.

Fiona must have hung up.

“Yep!”

My voice squeaks.

I clear my throat.

“Yeah, yeah it’s all good.” 

He kisses the top of my head and takes a seat next to me, reaching out for a fry. 

Penny gives me a look.

Just tell him, Simon.

I open my eyes wide.

Not now, Penny. 

“Well, I’m going to head out. I’ve got a book I need to buy,” she states standing up and stretching.

Baz gives her a look and then turns to me.

I shrug, trying to ignore the way my stomach flips onto itself. 

“I’ll walk you out,” I say, standing up to follow her.

“Simon the door is right there,” she says pointing at it.

I blink.

“Since you’re up can you get me a drink?” Baz asks, winking up at me.

The tosser.

I roll my eyes and wave goodbye to Penny, walking to the kitchen to grab a glass. 

When I come back out of the kitchen Baz grabs the glass and sets it down, pulling me close.

“Hey,” I say quietly.

“Hello,” he responds, leaning down to kiss me. “I’ve got something I wanted to talk to you about.”

My heart rate rises.

“Yeah?” I ask.

“Yes.”

I wait, hoping he continues without me having to speak.

My mouth is dry, and I’m trying to focus on his eyes and the way his arms feel around my waist.

“Simon,” he says. My name. It eases a bit of my anxiety for a moment. But then I realize, if he is saying my name this has to be important.

Fuck.

“Simon, I love you,” he says, kissing me softly after.

I lean into it, letting his words wash over me.

It’s like he knew.

“Baz, I-” a kiss “I love you too.”

He smiles and kisses me again. He tastes like a burger (I’m not complaining. It tastes good.)

I pull back.

“Funny, I was actually going to tell you the same thing tonight.”

He smirks, and that’s when I wonder if he did know.

“I know.”

I blink.

“How?”

He pulls something off the coffee table.

The napkin.

“You’re not very good at keeping secrets,” he smiles.

I snatch it from his hand, trying to process.

“You prat!” I shout. “You just wanted to say it first- didn’t you?”

He moves to sit on the ground, grabbing another chip from the plate. 

“Love, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I glare but move to sit next to him.

I kiss his shoulder and steal his burger to take a bite.

“I love you,” I say around a mouth full of food.