#actuallyjaredpadalecki

My latest vlog is cosplay related so I thought I’d do a little post about it here.

In short, I talk about how I enjoy being in character when cosplaying (particularly Disney Princesses), but I struggle when it comes to interacting with kids. 

I know most of it is down to self-esteem. As I said, I’m not an actress. The last proper play I did was as Michael in Peter Pan when I was eleven. But since my fourth trip to Disneyland in 2011 I realised how awesome it would be to perform as a princess in Disneyland. I’d audition if it weren’t for the fact I’m at university (and the auditions are too late for me to try and do it over summer), the fact I have a gap in my teeth (they are extremely picky on distinguishing features like that), and because, well, I’m extremely self conscious. No one wants Elsa or whoever they’d pick me to be, breaking character in front of a kid, not talking to a kid or generally being awkward? Hence why for the time being I’m steering clear of ever trying to be a professional character performer. I’ll stick with cosplay instead - you still get to wear pretty costumes (with the added bonus that you made it yourself, if you make your own costumes), and you can still be in character if you want to be, with no pressure to be “perfect” as you’re not being paid to do so.

I get incredibly self conscious. I don’t even like buying things in a shop with someone I know around. The reason I often clam up meeting actors I admire and either babble (i.e. me meeting Jared Padalecki this May) or go completely silent (i.e. me meeting Jensen Ackles at the same convention, about ten minutes after Jared), is because its not just me and said actor. It’s me, the other people in the queue within earshot, their assistant sitting beside the actor, maybe security guards, and the actor. So many people standing around listening to me and, in my mind at least, judging the hell out of me. What I wanted to say to Jared was reasonably personal and I ended up babbling a load of thank yous instead because while I trust Jared won’t judge me, I don’t know if the others will. 

This is the same for my cosplay. I probably portrayed Merida best around friends, I refused to be in character talking to hotel staff completely and on the off-chance one of the actors had seen me in costume and come to talk? I’d have probably dropped the act too, mostly because, well, they’re actors and they’re damn good at what they do and here we go again with the self-consciousness.

That’s part of the thing when it comes to interacting with kids. The kid probably won’t judge me at all. A young child seeing Elsa who they adore probably won’t be that fussy about discrepancies in a performer’s portrayal, maybe an older kid will. In my short experience at Collectormania, the kids who came up to me were just excited to see Elsa. One girl was screaming “ELSA!” all the way as she ran over to me, only to go completely shy and silent the moment she got up to me and I greeted her, and run away. As I said in the video, I think I did well. I wasn’t the Elsa performer I’d have liked to have been, I would have loved to have mentioned Anna, maybe said “come visit us in Arendelle!” or something like that, the kind of things I’ve seen Elsa performers say whether a Disneyland face character, or a performer outside the parks. It would have been cool to have made a kids day by having a short conversation with them in character. But I get so self-conscious. My mum was there most of the time (but she knows how awkward I am with kids and so helped me out by doing the talking), the kid’s parents. In reality my mum doesn’t “laugh” at me, I just get paranoid she will. And most of the time the parents were just as excited about seeing me as the kids were! If anything they would have been impressed if I’d gone on to properly be in character, most likely.

Part of it is also kind of, its hard to know how to interact with a kid you just met. I offered the girl I mentioned in the video a hug because, well, she was crying, Her mum had pretty much already said “go give Elsa a cuddle” so I figured it wouldn’t be overstepping the mark. When I was at Comic Con as Merida, so many kids pointed me out, waved and of course I’d wave back and say hello as I walked past. But it was hard to know whether the parents would be okay with me stopping and properly talking to them. Would they think I’m a bit too forward by kneeling down and talking to them? It’s the not knowing that kind of holds me back, I guess. 

I don’t want to ramble on too long, but as I said in the video I’ll be going to LFCC as Merida so I’ll see how I go then. I’ll try and act in character when talking to other cosplayers, any photographers that want my picture, and if a kid waves? Maybe I’ll stop and chat for a bit, or maybe I’ll just wave. Who knows, I never really know until it happens. But I’ll always have Asylums where I always have the confidence to be as in character as I want. At Comic Con, the venue is huge, there are thousands of people, and there can be a slight “elitist” feel when it comes to cosplayers (many, many cosplayers are extremely accepting to other cosplayers of all skill levels etc, but there are also many who aren’t). I easily feel “Inferior” as a beginner cosplayer, I don’t feel I can express myself as my character as easily, in fear of being judged by other cosplayers, whether about my costume itself or my portrayal. As I just mentioned, many cosplayers aren’t like that at all, but as I realised through therapy, I assume too much of what people think of me. Asylum, however, is a family. Even at Asylum 14 with over 2000 attendees, I feel at home and at ease. While inevitably the Supernatural family has some assholes, the majority are wonderful people who love SPN as much as I do, and I feel totally at ease to be myself and be in character etc. 

Okay this is getting too rambly for my own good.

I hope this was a reasonably coherent post. I really love cosplay and especially with Disney characters I always feel the desire to really get into that character. I can’t do that so easily with Sam Winchester or Castiel, mostly because my voice is way too high to even attempt talking as them and be taken seriously, but with characters like Merida and Elsa its much easier. 

Before I ramble on any longer, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the vlog. I have a few ideas for posts in mind so they’ll be posted soon.