#actually started sobbing

a post about Dean Winchester. 

So we all know that I have a well of feelings about this character and now I am going to share them with you. Okay?

Good. 

He breaks my heart every single time I think about him. Because he was just a child, a young kid who had everything he knew and understood about the world ripped away from him way too soon. 

Gone were the days of his mom's pie and goodnight kisses. Gone were the days of a home and baseball games. Gone was the idea of school and graduation and a respected job. Stolen from him before he even knew what he had. 

It isn't right, or fair. He had to grow up with a father so bent on revenge that he reverted back to his military training and raised his sons with an iron fist. He trained them to be killers, to be hunters. He stole the remaining part of Dean's innocence without a second thought.

So Dean became just what his father wanted him to be. He became the perfect solider, always following the orders and never questioning them.  He had meaningless relationships with women who sometimes he didn't remember in the morning. He drank to forget everything that he had lost. 

Yet it was just beginning. 

He spent most of his time looking after his baby brother, but it was his job. He had to protect Sammy. That was his entire life, looking after Sam, looking after his Dad. Looking after strangers he might never meet again.

And he did it, and for a while he never complained. He just accepted it as the way things were. 

And Sam went and got himself a life, and his dad left to fight the war on his own. Dean was alone and left to watch after himself, which I'm sure he didn't do.

Because the thing about Dean is, maybe it was the militant father, or the fact that he never got a chance to be really innocent or selfish. But he just doesn't think he is anything worth anything.

He thinks he is the walking scum of the earth, he believes that he is worthy of going to hell. He definitely doesn't think he deserves to be saved, ever.

That is why he does, deserve to be saved, deserve to be happy.

Dean Winchester deserves to be loved and hugged on a daily basis.

Think of all the people he's lost. His parents, Ellen and Jo, Bobby, Sam on more than one account, Lisa and Ben, Castiel.

The two that kill me the most are Castiel and Bobby.

Bobby, the closest thing he had to a loving parent in the entire world. And he's just gone? Bobby, the one that always cared, was always there, always answered the phone when Dean needed him the most.

And Cas, fucking Cas. The angel sitting on his shoulder.

Sorry I cant do this anymore because I'm actually crying but