#actually disordered

hi everyone

everyone needs to talk so let’s talk

tell / ask me about whatever you want in the comments or asks & I’ll respond

so tomorrow I go to a doctors appointment to see if I can be put on anxiety medication , and , ironically enough , I’m anxious about it . i don’t like not knowing how things will play out & the thought of being put on some sort of medication in general scares me for a multitude of reasons .

i’m going back to public school next year . i left in 8th grade due to bullying & some shortcomings of my own , and i’ve been homeschooled up until now . it’ll be my senior year so i kind of wanted to go do all the senior things people talk about . as it gets closer i regret it . the people at this school do not like me , and i’m far from a socially functional person at this point . i don’t really know what to do , i guess suck it up , since im already registered and all . I’m really scared since i have some ongoing issues with a girl in my grade there , and i really don’t want to be around her in person ever again .

i’m trying to find a therapist or something before I go back , because i imagine that would help at least a bit , and I’ll take what i can get . i had to leave my last therapist because he kept mocking me and continuing to do things i communicated my discomfort around .

my boyfriend says if I go back to public school he will leave me . he’s had awful awful exes and he thinks I will cheat on him because they did . and I understand that , it’s hard to unlearn a pattern once it’s been going on for so long . but im really scared , we just had our 3 year anniversary and I can’t lose him . I haven’t told him it’s already happening yet , but I’m going to this weekend I think .

a friend that I hold very dear has been really shitty to me lately , and I told her this . she’s become increasingly manipulative with me and our other friends , and I told her that too . she didn’t listen to a word I tried to communicate with her , despite “ communication being very important to her “ ; she didn’t even read what I was saying , she just read what I wanted . & she kept lying to me the whole time , something I know for a fact is a lie . I’m super hurt about this and I have her blocked right now . I wish she wasn’t so mean sometimes .

I’m also super sick right now so everything is #awful .

told my boyfriend I’d let him gut me alive if he wanted to and he didn’t find that romantic???

I wish I had a gvn but not to km$ just so that I could take those selfies in my mirror. you know what I’m talking about.

how many flags can you have speedrun

thinking about making an alt account for my sh pics so that i can share with you guys & avoid getting this account termed :3

hihihi ! Yes , i have quite a few :3

my favorite overall has to be dobermans . they’re such a beautiful breed , and i would love to work with one sometime in the future . they’re my #1 dream pet .

second to dobermans , however , would be either shelties or rough collies . they’re amazing . while i’d love to own either of these breeds , i don’t think i could keep up with a herding dog’s needs . rough collies & shelties are also two of my theriotypes .

i love most mixed breed dogs , mutts , and strays .

i really dislike doodles or “ designer breeds ” ( ex . labradoodles , goldendoodles , cavapoos , aussiedoodles , puggles , pomskies , cavachons , etc . ) . there are so many health issues associated with them , and intentionally breeding these mixes is really unethical . still , i believe the ones that are already alive absolutely deserve loving homes that can properly care for them and afford any medical needs they may have .

i also have a huge soft spot for chihuahuas . i had one growing up ( along with my boxer , sassy , shout out childhood dog ! ) , and i would love to own another someday . they really only have a bad reputation because they’re often not trained properly or not treated with the respect they deserve as dogs .

and yes , i love wild dogs & other canines too . i’d have to say my favorite are coyotes ( another one of my theriotypes :p ) .