Thursday and Friday were pretty rough, physically. After spending Monday through Wednesday doing nothing but leg workouts (I did Crossfit Kelly on Wednesday) we did a shit ton of land nav (both day and night) on Thursday. Friday we have a 3 mile ruck march, which wasn't too bad except we had a ton of hills and stations with skills to complete every so often. And my legs were dead. But I got through all that shit.
Saturday was Rappel training. I was dreading it because I have a pretty fucking big fear of heights. I was almost praying for rain so that training would be canceled. But I think the big man upstairs knew what was best for me. We got to the training site, and did basic ground training, then the slanted wall. Nothing terrible. But then we had to go to the top of the 60 foot rappel tower and do the real thing. I was pretty fucking scared, and when the rappel master asked me if I was scared I told him I was. He talked me through it, I got over the edge, and I got down. It wasn't a smooth or sexy rappel, I didn't really bounce off the wall like I was supposed to, but I got it done. I thought we would be done after that. But then they told us to retie our swiss seats and go back to the top for another run through. So I went to the top, and I did it again. Not well, but I did it. And then I thought we would be done.
But we weren't. Right when we got to the bottom, the rappel master asked us if we wanted to learn "Aussie style" rappel. Which means going over the edge face first with no wall to stabilize you. I did not want to do it. Did not. Not at all. But everyone else in the platoon was doing it, and I did NOT want to be that guy. We tried it on the slanted wall, and I barely had control then. I wasn't confident going to the tower, but because of peer pressure, I did it.
When I got to the edge, I got strapped in, and called "On rappel". Checked my belay, and then started to lean over the edge. As soon as I did, my natural instincts to not fall off buildings kicked in, and I got right back on the ledge. I tried several times, cursing myself and hopping around as I nearly shit myself each time. Finally, the rappel master, who's name I can't remember, pulled me back. I don't remember exactly what he said, but it was something like
"Hey. Look at me. It's fear of heights, I know. Everyone has it. But this is about conquering your fears. If you can do this, you can do anything. Alright? Now listen, you keep your head up. You look at the horizon, you do NOT fucking look down. Thrust your hips down, put your fucking dick in the dirt, and then hold there. I got you, alright?"
He tugged on the rope, and feeling the tension holding me back, plus hearing him calmed me down. I was still scared as shit, but the fact that he took a minute, was patient with me, and helped me through really made an impression. Looking down, I could see our Cadet Platoon Leader, a former Green Beret whom I idolize, staring up at me. Time to grow a pair. I called "On rappel" again, checked my belayer, and slowly lowered myself over the edge. Long fucking drop. But I felt the tension in the rope, I felt my brake hand lock into place, and I knew I had the worst part done. From there, it was just a semi-controlled release to the ground. As I lowered myself, I felt my whole unit cheering me on. Fucking exhilarating. And I have never been so thankful to be on the ground.
After that, we did a bunch of obstacles, some of them really fucking tall, but none of them as tall as that rappel tower. I knew after I got over that, that I could do anything. And I got through the o-course just fine, no more chickenshitting.
Bottom line, I became less of a pussy today. It feels good. And I have to credit big man upstairs for guiding me through. And St. George too (my confirmation saint), I feel like he has my back. Hell yeah.
