Christmas always finds me
Info: The younger kids may be the ones who steal Jensen’s attention, but their father can always tell when their sister is having a tough time
Warning: Depression, sadness, loneliness
Relationship: Jensen Ackles x daughter reader
December rolled by quicker than expected. The Ackles house had quickly been dawned with tinsel and decorations, and when school finished, the celebrations were in full swing. Daneel was busy with the youngsters, trying to keep them busy while they waited on their father to come back from filming for the year. Jensen was wrapping up filming this weekend, leaving a whole week before Christmas for the family to prepare and finish traditions.
But while the three youngest Ackles bounded up to the door to greet their father, the oldest stayed behind with their mother. Y/n was now a 17 year old, high school graduate, who was currently studying music and dynamics. She took after her father in the music industry, which meant she had infinite possibilities when it came to her career path. She had always been close with her father, and being only one when her father met Daneel, the woman had become y/n’s mom pretty quickly. Seeing her oldest standing to the side, Daneel wrapped an arm around her waist, leaning her head on y/n’s shoulder.
“Aren’t you going to go see your dad y/n?” Daneel asked. “In a minute. The sooner the kids see him the sooner they get to bed.” Y/n spoke lightly, pointing at the clock that’s arm was near 11pm. “I don’t think they’ll be sleeping much tonight. Not with them going to see Santa tomorrow.” Daneel noted, and y/n groaned inwardly “Do I have to go tomorrow?” “Y/n, you know we always do it as a family.” Daneel scolded her, and y/n sighed. “I don’t really feel like doing it this year.” Y/n spoke. “What you talking about, you love Christmas.” Daneel frowned before the kids came running to them, Jensen in tow.
“Y/n love.” Jensen sighed, pulling his oldest into a tight hug. “Hi Dad.” Y/n sighed, burying her head in his shoulder and they hugged each other tightly. “How are you? I feel we haven’t talked in ages.” Jensen sighed, frowning a little as he felt her squeeze him tightly. “Yea, been busy with music. We’re writing music at the minute which is cool.” Y/n shrugged, looking down as the father daughter duo pulled away. “Well I would love to hear it.” Jensen smiled, proud of his daughter. “Maybe.” Y/n shrugged again, looking down at her siblings as Daneel tried to wound them up to bed. “Hey kids, why don’t we head to bed, leave mum and dad alone.” Y/n spoke out, trying to help Daneel. “I thought you and your father could spend time together.” “That’s okay. I’m tired so I’m gonna hit the bed myself. But maybe tomorrow night, yea?” Y/n asked, looking from her father to her mother.
“Sounds good.” Jensen smiles, ruffling Zep’s hair as y/n pushed JJ to mae her way up, the twings following.
Through the years I've moved a lot Different doors with different locks But somehow Christmas always finds me It's been a while since I wished For roller blades and pixie sticks But somehow Christmas always finds me
Y/n groaned as she flipped over on the bed, trying to avoid the morning light that was threatening the shine through the curtains. Sheets littered her bed, and her guitar was leaning against her locker, her piano set up at the bottom of the bed. Sleep was hard to find these days, so most of her night consumed with her degree. With her new assignment, she was glad her father had set her room to be noise cancelling. She had always loved music, and when babies were around her practice sessions weren’t always perfectly timed, so Jensen had decided to sound proof her room, both for their sanity and hers.
A knock on the door caused her to look up, and she sighed when she seen Jensen pop his head in before the door was pushed open by JJ, who ran to jump onto her older sisters bed. Y/n gasped as the young girl jumped all over her sheets, and she glared at her as she grabbed all the papers, moving them to her locker.
“JJ be careful.” Y/n snapped, causing JJ to look at her. “Mommy told us to come get you up for Santa today.” JJ squealed, before stopping when she seen her sisters glare. “I’m not going.” Y/n stated, and JJ rolled her eyes. “But you have to. We always go.” The young girl stated, pointing her hands at her sister. “I have more important things than Santa JJ.” Y/n snapped again, causing JJ’s eyes to widen. “JJ, go tell mommy y/n and I will be down in a minute.” Jensen spoke, trying to avoid a screaming math between the sisters.
Y/n watched JJ leave with a sigh before moving to sort out the papers that JJ had crumpled from her jumping. Jensen sighed and rubbed his face as he sat down at the edge of the bed, playing a key on the piano before clearing his throat when y/n looked at him from the side of her eye.
“Look, you didn’t have to be so short with your sister.” Jensen started, giving y/n a pointed look when she turned to him. “She crumpled up my sheets.” Y/n stated, still flattening them out. “She was excited, so were you at her age.” “Not any more.” Y/n deadpanned, causing Jensen to sigh and look around. “This part of your song your working on?” Jensen asked, catching sight of some sheets on the keyboard. “Part of it.” Y/n sighed, looking to see what he was looking at. “Can you play it for me?” Jensen asked, loving a chance to listen his daughters talent. “It’s not finished yet, I haven’t even found the right words.” “We all start somewhere.” Jensen implied, placing a hand around y/n’s shoulder, “Please?” He asked again, placing his chin on her shoulder.
Y/n sighed and placed the sheets in her hand on the locker before scooting behind Jensen to get to her keyboard. Jensen watched her with a smile, moving to lean against her pillows as she prepared to play. He watched her fingers move effortlessly as the tune came to life. Closing his eyes, he smiled as he heard her begin to hum to the keys. As she came to a stop, she refused to look at her father, flinching a little as she felt his arms wrap around her from behind.
“That was great love.” Jensen smiled, pecking her cheek gently. “It’s only the start, still have away to go.” Y/n tried to justify. “It’s a great start. Do you need help with the lyrics.” Jensen asked, always wiling to help his kids. “No that’s okay. I know what I want to say, just not sure how.” Y/n shoot him down, and Jensen frowned, knowing she always liked when he helped her with her music. “Alright, well don’t be afraid to ask if you need me.” Jensen offered. “I know dad.” Y/n smiled slightly, trying to ease her fathers worry. “Come on, get ready to go before mum comes up after us.” Jensen spoke, moving off the bed. “Do I really have to go?” Y/n sighed. “Come on, you always enjoy it.” Jensen sighed, placing a hand on y/n’s shoulder. “I don’t feel like it today. Why don’t we go tomorrow?” Y/ asked, trying to put it off. “You and I both know the kids won’t take too kindly to that. And they certainly won’t be happy if you don’t go. It’s tradition we all go.” Jensen stated, kissing y/n’s head. “I’ll see you down there.”
Y/n sighed as her father closed her bedroom door before moving to start getting ready. Throwing on a Christmas cardigan over a black dress, y/n sighed as she looked herself in the mirror before heading down to where her family were waiting by the Christmas tree. Daneel smiled as she seen her daughter, opting to take a photo of her descending the stairs before moving to get the kids into the car, while Jensen watched their oldest from behind, a frown etched on his face.
When silver bells and silent night And mistletoe's nowhere in sight With no chance of snow falling down Another year older Little harder to believe But somehow Christmas always finds me
Y/n stayed behind her parents and siblings as Jensen held onto the twins to prevent them running too far. JJ skipped in front of the group, singing along to the Christmas tunes that were heard over the speakers through the mall. Hearing the chatter of people around her, all cheerful as they waited to visit Santa, y/n couldn’t help but look down, trying to avoid conversation. Daneel looked back to her oldest daughter and seeing her keeping to herself, she eyes her husband before placing a hand on his arm, taking the twins hands.
“Hey y/n, you okay?” Jensen asked, rubbing his eldest back gently. “Yeah just tired. Didn’t sleep much last night. Guess it was the excitement of going here with the kids.” Y/n stated, trying to avoid confrontation. “Well if you want an early night that’s fine. Can leave films for another night.” Jensen suggested, trying to ease her daughter’s tiredness. “Yea, maybe.” Y/n agreed, shrugging a little before looking down at JJ who was jumping at her excitedly. “We’re next.” JJ stated, trying to take her sisters hand. “Sure are JJ.” Y/n smiled at the girl before moving with her to Santa.
Jensen sighed in slight disappointment as he eyed his oldest daughter help Zepplin and Arrow onto Santa’s lap. JJ positioned herself on the arm of Santas chair while y/n opted to stand to the side, leaning against the back of the chair with her arms crossed. Daneel gave y/n a look causing y/n to sigh before moving to crouch down beside Arrow, taking the young girls hand while wrapping her arm around her shoulders. Once the photo was taken y/n instantly moved away from the kids, allowing them to speak to Santa on their own. Daneel wrapped an arm around her eldest waist, smiling slightly as the girl leaned into her touch.
“What you say we go grab some Nando’s after here?” Daneel asked, looking at y/n with a smile. “Mom, you know I’m trying to cut out fast foods. Being in College you rely on them heavily when you get too lazy to cook.” Y/n joked, and her father eyed her warily. “I’m concerned for your heart love.” Jensen stated, causing y/n to roll her eyes. “I’m kidding dad, I got takeaway max once a week. With mum’s amazing cooking I got away lightly with pre made meals.” Y/n smiled at her parents, causing Daneel to blush slightly. “Well it’s the least I can do for my talented daughter.” Daneel stated, squeezing her slightly. “Yeah, well I think I’m going to drive home after this, work more on my assignments.” Y/n shrugged, wanting to get away from the festivities for a while. “That’s not like you.” Daneel frowned. “Well college changes people.” Y/n shrugged, causing Jensen to narrow his eyes at her. “Why don’t I accompany you home, you can handle the kids on your own right hun?” Jensen asked Daneel, looking down at his wife who eyes her. “I mean yea I guess I could.” Daneel agreed, causing y/n to look at her unconvinced. “Dad it’s fine. Help mum with the kids, the twins especially are gonna be very hyper after that lolly.” Y/n pointed at the big lollypops the elves gave the kids as their visit finished. “No I’ll be fine. You go with your dad, spend some time together.” Daneel suggested to y/n, causing Jensen to smile widely. “It’ll be fun.” Jensen nodded, looking at y/n as she looked down. “I suppose so.” Y/n stated, moving away from her parents as the kids returned.
In traffic jams and shopping malls I lose the magic of it all But somehow Christmas always finds me
Jensen leaned his arm against the passenger window, his head resting on his hand as y/n drove her car back to the house. Sitting in the passenger sit with his daughter driving always brought memories of when he thought her to drive. Daneel refused to do it as it was always lead to screaming matches between the two, so Jensen was given the task to teach her. Beams of lights shone as they passed cars, and Jensen smiled as he remembered what y/n used to describe the stream of cars.
“The lights kind of remind you of the Christmas lights right?” Jensen smiled, knowing y/n would agree. “I guess.” Y/n sighed, keeping her eyes on the road. “Why don’t we put on some Christmas music, going to get caught in some traffic.” Jensen suggested, moving to turn on the Bluetooth. “I think I’d rather the radio to be honest.” Y/n sighed, switching off the music as ‘merry Christmas everyone’ began to play. “You always love listening to Christmas music while we’re in the car. Some karaoke.” Jensen spoke, confused on why she shut it off so quickly. “Not this year dad, I’d rather concentrate on the road.” Y/n blinked, squinting her eyes slightly. “If your too tired to drive I can take over.” Jensen spoke, concerned she wouldn’t be able to concentrate on the road. “No, I’ll be okay. We’re nearly home anyway.” Y/n spoke as she turned off the main road, sighing as they meet traffic. “You were saying.” Jensen smirked slightly, chucking at his daughters frustrations. “Why is it so busy this time of year?” Y/n muttered, slowing down quickly. “You never were one for patience.” Jensen laughed, and y/n rolled her eyes quickly. “I just want to get home to finish my assignment.” Y/n groaned, tapping her fingers in frustration. “Why don’t I help you when we get back. Can make it go by quicker?” Jensen suggested, seeing the stress presenting his daughters body. “No that’s okay” Y/n replied quickly, causing Jensen to turn to her. “That was a quick answer.” Jensen stated. “Everything okay?” “Maybe we should listen to some Christmas songs to pass the time.” Y/n tried to avoid the conversation, and Jensen could tell. “Y/n, you know you can talk to me.” Jensen spoke softly, squeezing the top of y/n’s hand as it lay on the gear stick. “I was thinking, maybe tonight we could watch a movie in my room, sleepover vibes, just like when I was young.” Y/n suggested, trying to get away from feelings. “I think that’s a great idea.” Jensen smiled softly, knowing she would come to him when she needed to. “You sort out the snacks while I work on my assignment.” Y/n suggested, and Jensen sighed. “Your really dead set on doing your assignment aren’t you.” Jensen stated. “It’s Christmas dad.” Y/n shrugged, slight disappointment in her tone. “Yeah, it’s Christmas.” Jensen agreed, just glad she wanted to spend time with him.
When silver bells and silent night And mistletoe's nowhere in sight With no chance of snow falling down Another year older Little harder to believe But somehow Christmas always finds me
Y/n rubbed her eyes as she attempted to finish writing the last verse of her song. She sniffed slightly as she hummed the tune, reading over the words before nodding in approval. She had opted to write what she was feelings, and with this Christmas season feeling upside down, she opted to write on how she felt with her family still celebrating Christmas. With kids around it meant that she had to at least pretend she was enjoying the festivities, but it was hard. This year brought nothing but stress and struggles for y/n, and with it flying by so fast it just felt like another day to her.
Jensen sang ‘It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas’ quietly as he prepared the snack tray for his and y/n’s movie night. Daneel had finished getting the kids ready for the night, and was going to have a girls night in with Gen in the living room. It was rare that Jensen got to spend one on one time with his oldest. With three kids significantly younger than her, majority of his time was split between them. During filming, he’d often call her to check on her, with her first year away from home on campus he was determined to make sure she was okay.
Humming happily to himself, he made his way up the stairs, watching his feet on the steps before walking towards y/n’s bedroom door. Knocking slightly, he waited for her to call or open the door, but he frowned when he seen her.
“Hey, you okay?” He asked, seeing her watery eyes. “Yea, just finished my song so, all ready for tonight.” Y/n stated, wiping her eyes. “Was it a sad song or something?” Jensen asked, placing the tray on her bed to face her. “I guess.” Y/n shrugged, and Jensen frowned, “Just wrote how I felt.” “That’s a good way to let go of emotions.” Jensen nodded, “Wanna talk about it?” “Actually, I think I’d rather just watch the film.” Y/n stated, and Jensen smiled. “That’s okay. Once you know you can come to me about anything.” Jensen smiled at his daughter, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I know dad.” Y/n smiled, moving in for a hug, “Now, what treats did you bring?” “Well I tried to make it a little festive, so majority are either shaped Christmassy or green and red.” Jensen spoke, happy with himself. “Looks amazing.” Y/n smiled, moving to pick a Christmas hat from the tray. “Now, what are we watching?” Jensen asked, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.
It takes me back to younger days Of stockings on the fireplace And presents stacked And waiting by the tree And even if I'm all alone A million miles away from home It shows up in warm memory
The Christmas period went by fast, and soon it was Christmas eve. Daneel had been busy all day prepping for the Christmas dinner, and y/n had baked some cookies to be left out for Santa this evening with the kids. It was a rare time for y/n to be out of her room, she had spent most of it lounging around, avoiding the festive activities. Jensen was sorting out the front of the tree so the kids had somewhere to place the carrot, milk and cookies for Santa.
Y/n pursed her lip as she lay the tray of cookies to the side to rest. She wasn’t really feeling the festivities, but she decided to go help her father none the less. Seeing him standing at the front of the tree with his hands on his hips made her laugh lightly, and she sneaked a picture before moving to wrap an arm around.
“Hey there.” Jensen smiled, looking down at his eldest as she latched onto him. “Hi.” Y/n spoke, leaning into his embrace. “You finished the cookies?” “Yea, they’re cooling now. The task now is to prevent little hands getting at them.” Y/n stated, and Jensen nodded in agreement. “Gonna be tough.” Jensen spoke, pretending to shake her. The father daughter duo stood in silence, y/n looking down in thought. “You okay?” Jensen asked, seeing his daughters spaced off look. “Do you maybe, wanna hear my song?” Y/ blurted out quickly before she changed her mind. “I would love to.” Jensen smiled, glad she was letting him in. “It’s not an upbeat song, just to warn you.” Y/n stated as she walked slowly up the stairs. “I’m sure it’s amazing.” Jensen smiled reassuringly, following behind her.
Y/n walked in silence as they entered her room, and she sat by her keyboard, Jensen taking a seat on her bed. Breathing in deeply she glanced up to her father to see him smiling reassuringly. Seeing her shaking hands he winked at her to assure her it was okay. Tapping the keys to ensure it was on, She cleared her throat as she began to sing.
“Through the years….”
Jensen watched y/n with a sad smile as she sung, her confidence growing as she got into it. Realizing that she was actually singing how she felt this Christmas, his heart pulled as tears filled his eyes. This year had been a big change for the Ackles, with y/n no longer being home the house felt more empty. The family were used to Jensen being away for long periods of time, but when the eldest child left, a hole was felt. But for y/n, her first year of college was hard. The stress of continuous assignments being due, lead to her falling into a hole, a hole that was hard to get out of.
As she finished her song, y/n looked down with tears in er eyes, before jumping when she felt arms wrap around her. She closed her eyes as her father tightened his grip on her, and she sighed as he kissed her head from behind.
“Y/n love, you are one talented person.” Jensen sighed, rocking her gently. “I’m sorry I haven’t been excited this year.” Y/n spoke, moving to hold Jensen’s arms in her hands. “It’s okay, it is definitely ok not to feel festive.” Jensen sighed, moving to crouch in front of his daughter, “What your feeling is okay. There are others out there feeling the same for numerous reasons. You don’t have to feel anything if you don’t want to.” “I tried dad I really tried.” Y/n cried, moving to hug Jensen tightly. “Hey shush now, your okay. I’m here. You don’t have to try anything.” Jensen comforted her, rubbing her back gently. “I tried to hide it, I really did.” “You don’t have to hide anything. You can always come to me, I’m here for you alright.” Jensen spoke, moving to hold y/n’s face in his hands. “I love you dad.” Y/n sighed as Jensen brushed the tears away. “I love you too.” Jensen smiled, glad her daughter opened up.
Another year older Getting harder to believe But somehow Christmas always find me
Christmas morning was chaus in the Ackles household. JJ, Arrow and Zepplin were running wild though their parents rooms and their sisters, wanting to go downstairs and see what Santa had brought. Y/n groaned at being woken up, but allowed her brother to tug her out of bed. Deciding to sit away from the madness, she opted to sit on the stairs, leaning her head in her hand as she watched her siblings sort out the presents. She looked up when she felt a hand on her head and her father smiled down at her before moving to sit with her mother.
Christmas isn’t always a joyful time, and y/n was okay with that. She was okay with staying away from festivities this year, once she had her dad by her side.
