#acalmbefore

"So,.. So,.. So. So. So."

Jonah was perhaps not the best at breaking tension or even starting conversations for that matter.

"Hmm?" Amy raised an eyebrow at him as he awkwardly walked up to where she was busy restocking a shelf of lightbulbs.

"So, yeah, so, ...Not that it matters,.. But, um, ...just out of curiosity… When exactly was your … um, crush...on me?"

"Oh." Amy blinked in surprise at the question. She wasn't expecting to have to answer this. "Ah, um, well…" Her mind raced with how to answer, but lying or thinking fast on her feet like this, wasn't really her forte. "Ah, well, geez… It was around when,... Like, you know,.. More or less,.. Around when… like, now." Amy blinked back in surprise that she had said it, but then decided if she said it, she had to just own it. "Yeah, so like, now. Around basically, right now." Yep, totally owning it. She ended with what she hoped was a casual confident nod.

Jonah stared wide eyed back at her, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and leaned back in an attempt to also look casual. "Oh,.. now?" He blinked and then it sort of seemed to hit him a little harder as he suddenly looked intensely around the lightbulb aisle, as if Amy's crush was a physical thing that could jump out of nowhere and attack him. "Right now? As in… now? Not like, in the past…ancient history... but like.. Currently? Current events? Now?"

"Yeeeah," Amy shrugged in an overly casual way, immediately regretting everything. She went back to stocking lightbulbs, mostly to avoid awkward eye contact. "But it totally doesn't matter, right? Because I mean, look at me! I just went through a divorce, my life is so... complicated, I'm basically a hot mess right now. I'm not even thinking straight, ...probably?! I don't even know what I want. I slept with Tate, for goodness sake!"

"Um riiiight!" Jonah started nodding, but far too quickly to be considered normal or casual. "Yeah, you did…um,..sleep with that guy. And, also… Also! I'm… I'm with .. um.. I'm with…"

"Kelly" Amy chimed in.

"Obviously! I'm obviously with Kelly, so that is so obvious it doesn't even need to be said… And so, yeah. Yeah, it doesn't matter because I'm with Kelly…" His voice faded at the end and a quiet pensive look fell over his face.

"Right!" Amy tried to sound cheerful and confident, but she just wanted Jonah to leave her alone and for this awkward conversation to end. In fact, she wanted for this topic of conversation to just go away and never be addressed again. "And you and Kelly are like, the perfect match! So, things are all… good. All good."

"Yeah…" Jonah blinked and then his pensive look fell away and he looked directly at Amy, "Um,.. you think? You think,.. We're like the perfect ..match?"

"Ah, yeah!" Amy tried being enthusiastic, but she was starting to feel herself fade. "You and Kelly are like .. you know.. Meant to be. She's all like.. You know. And you, you are just like… and together,.. It's just…. It's just great." Her voice fell a little flat, so much for enthusiastic.

"Uh, huh.. Yeah." Jonah was nodding again with a far away look on his face, "Solid. That's… solid logic. Makes total sense. Me and Kelly. Yep."

Jonah just kept standing there and nodding.

"Just break up with Kelly already so you two can bone!" Dina's voice broke the tension as she walked by briskly with her clipboard and a Team Amy t-shirt.

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She likes me. She likes me, like has a crush on me, likes me. Like, right now. Right now, she likes me...

"What are you grinning to yourself about over there?" Kelly's voice interrupted Jonah's thoughts.

"Ooh," Jonah looked up in surprise from the box of books he was packing. Kelly was over at his place, well.. Garrett's place. She was helping him pack, because no big deal, he was moving in with her.

"Just looking at my books and smiling at, um… all the stories. Stories are great." Jonah answered, like a dork. He tried smiling as he realized now dorky he sounded.

"Ooh, I know a really great story, about a boy and a girl who met at a store…" Kelly smiled coyly over at him while she packed his forks and knives. "And then they fell in love."

"Well, actually I think she hated him a bit, at first." Jonah responded and smiled a bit to himself as he placed another book in the box.

"What? No I didn't. I thought you were totally cute." Kelly raised an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, yeah.. No?" Jonah suddenly realized his mistake and tried to fix it, "You didn't, like… think I was annoying? Like I was.. You know.. Useless?"

"What? No." Kelly stopped packing the box of utensils and looked over at him in confusion. "Who would ever think that you were useless?!"

"Uh, some people might…" Jonah trailed off and tried to look very interested in packing books.

"Some people? Some people like, Amy?" Kelly walked over and sat herself on the floor by the box of books so that Jonah would look at her.

"Eh.. no? I don't know…. Blah. Who even cares what Amy thinks?"

"You, you do."

"No… that's ridiculous."

"Is it?"

"Yes…"

"Jonah! I'm not an idiot, you clearly like Amy! Do you even want to be with me? Do you seriously want to move in together?"

Jonah was surprised at how serious Kelly looked. He wanted to say no. He wanted to confess he couldn't stop thinking about Amy. He wanted to storm out of there and just go confront Amy about her feelings….his feelings. He wanted to confess everything. But Kelly just looked so serious.

Jonah gulped, "Of course I want to be with you and live with you. We.. we are the perfect match, you and me."

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Oh, you guys are like the perfect match! Like totally meant to be! Omg, it's all so perfect...

Amy was driving home reliving the day over in her mind.

Who even says 'perfect match' ?! What was that?! So gross and weird. Gross.

But Amy sighed, she did need to acknowledge that Jonah and Kelly were together. And Kelly was.. Well, fine, Kelly was sweet. And plus this wasn't junior high. They were all adults in an adult workplace. No one was going to be stealing anyone elses boyfriend.

Unless that boyfriend wanted to be stolen...

"No, but he doesn't" Amy grumbled outloud as she pulled into the driveway of the house she now lived in alone. Well, her daughter lived there too. Sometimes. Half the time. The other half of the time she was alone. Like tonight. Like right now. All alone.

At first it had been horrible, being alone. All her thoughts racing while every emotion ran through her. She barely slept in the beginning. She had ping ponged back and forth from being intensely angry at Adam to missing him with every inch of her body. Every single thought and feeling she'd ever had for Adam filling her mind constantly. But then she slowly stopped thinking about him so much, and now she barely thought of him at all. Except when she had to, co-parenting and all that.

It's funny how time changes things...

Amy threw herself on the couch, of the house that was now her own. And instead she thought about someone else…and tried not to feel pathetic about it.

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"So,.. pretty pathetic that Amy has a crush on me, huh?" Jonah leaned on the counter next to Garrett.

"What? No. I'm not playing this game." Garrett scrunched his face up at Jonah.

"Game? What? No.. I'm just saying.." Jonah trailed off as he adjusted his not-so-casual lean.

"Uh-uh. No. You are playin' that you think it's pathetic she has a crush on you, so that no one will catch on that you totally have a crush on her as well. Not like, a million years ago when you started working here, but now. Still. You've always had a crush on her. But you are dating that Kelly chick, and you don't have the balls to call things off. So instead you are playing this, Amy is so pathetic, game. But, it's you. You are pathetic. PA-THE-TIC."

Jonah looked deflated. "Uhhh… no. That's… wrong." He looked away completely thrown off by how accurate Garrett was. Damnit. He was pathetic. So pathetic.

"Please. You've gots the hots for Amy. You have since you met her. You don't really like Kelly, you should of ended things with her back when she said she believed in angels. Angels, Jonah. Angels! But you have no balls. The answer is right in front of you. End things with Kelly and give things a go with Amy. But will you? Probably not, because you are pathetic."

"Uuuuugh" Jonah let himself crumble onto the counter next to Garrett. "Damnit Garrett!"

"Hey, I'm basically the Yoda of this place, I speak the truth."

"Ahhh…" Jonah covered his face with his hands, "It's annoying."

"Pathetic, you are. Grow balls, you must."

Jonah couldn't help himself, he laughed at Garrett's Yoda impression.

"Damnit, Garrett"

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"If you want me to help you,...get rid of Kelly,... I will."

Amy looked up alarmed from the bottle of bleach she was price checking, "Wh- What?"

Sandra was standing there in her Team Amy t-shirt, looking… intense.

"Sandra…" Amy sighed, "No. Please. Just take off the shirt. And please, please, please leave Kelly alone."

Sandra looked like a lost puppy in need of a home, "But, I.. I can help."

"No, please. But, there is a clean up in aisle 5 if you really want to help, just do your job, please"

Sandra stomped off quietly.

Amy shook her head. All she wanted was to escape away into her thoughts, maybe go home later and play video games. She wanted things to be easy. Of course, that's why she took this job all those years ago anyways, and why she married Adam as well. It seemed like it would make things easy, simple and easy. But nothing has ever been simple and easy. Of course, she had to admit when she spent time with Jonah, that felt easy. Well, it use to. Now it was all ruined and awkward. Nothing was easy.

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"But it's just not that easy!" Jonah groaned, "Amy just went through a divorce. She said so herself, her life is complicated. Maybe she doesn't even really like me. Maybe it's just like.. Oh hey, I'm single, who are some men that I know? Oh Jonah is a man.."

"Is he?" Garrett cracked a grin.

"Yes. I am." Jonah tried standing a little taller before crumpling onto the counter again, "You know what I mean. She might just be testing the 'having a crush' waters. It might not really be a thing."

"Oh, it's a thing. It's obviously a thing. She's into you, like, everyone can tell. Everyone knows."

"What? Everyone..." Jonah looked completely befuddled before shaking his head and continuing, "Well, she might not know what she wants. She might not be ready for anything at all. And Kelly is ready to move in with me!"

"Terrible idea."

"It's.. not a bad idea. She's sweet and supportive."

"Come on, man. Why are you trying to argue your way out of this? Kelly is a crazy chick who believes in angels and Amy is.. Well, she's kinda crazy too. But you are never gonna be happy with Kelly if you are always wondering about Amy. Plain and simple."

"Damnit, Garrett."

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"Jonah, I need you to go help Amy in housewares, we've got a pillow emergency. And I know you two wanna bone, so please don't be lured by the sexiness of the pillow display. But if you do decide to bone in the store, please use discretion"

Dina walked off again, brisk as ever.

Jonah sighed. Great.

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"Dina said you needed- ah, I see."

The entire pillow section of the store was on the floor.

"Apparently some playful kids thought it would be fun to make a fort.. Or an igloo.. Or something.." Amy looked exhausted as she started placing the pillows back on the shelves.

Jonah felt a tugging at his heart strings and immediately got to work helping out.

They didn't talk. It felt tense. Amy didn't want a repeat of yesterday's awkwardness and Jonah just couldn't think of a single thing that made any sense to say out loud.

So they quietly picked up pillows and placed them on shelves. At one point they made eye contact and Jonah smiled, Amy returned it. The tension didn't go away. They reached for the same pillow at another point, they laughed meekly. The tension didn't go away. Their arms brushed against each other. Their breath caught in their throats. The tension didn't go away. They fluffed and placed pillows. They tried to avoid physical contact. They failed. Multiple times. They kept laughing meekly. The tension didn't go away.

"I didn't know." Finally Jonah blurted out.

"Excuse me?" Amy replied, confused.

"I,.. I didn't know. About your crush, I mean. Apparently everyone else knew.. But I didn't know. How could I of.. How could I of known…"

"Um,... well. I kissed you. That probably.. You know.. Should of given you an idea… maybe?" Amy stammered in response.

"Yeah,.. But. It was the storm, we thought we might die, you were scared."

"Oh come on Jonah. You think if I'd been sitting next to Mateo or Garrett or Dina, that I would of kissed them just because I was scared?!" Amy threw her hands up, she was getting into 'mom voice' territory but… seriously? "Of course the kiss meant that I liked you. I like you. Don't let it go to your head or anything. It's just a crush and it doesn't mean anything anyways, like we discussed yesterday."

"And you were married when you kissed me, so... "

"Please my marriage was over well before I kissed you. I just did not want to admit. I also didn't want to admit that I liked you. I'm lots of fun, like that." Amy said rolling her eyes.

Jonah snickered slightly at that. But he just stared at her. He could hear Garrett's voice in his mind.

"I'm fun… too." Jonah mumbled.

"Huh?"

Jonah cleared his throat and looked at her, "I'm.. fun like that, too."

"What?" Amy plopped a lacy pillow onto the shelf next to her and turned to Jonah, "What do you mean?"

"I also can't admit things…" Jonah tried to lean on a pillow next to him, but it was fluffier than he expected and stumbled a bit before continuing, "Like,.. I can't admit that.. I like sugary cereals… and Lifetime movies,... and I like.. Uganda."

"What? You like Uganda? That's...nice.." Amy was confused and also a bit worried, was Jonah okay? … "Are you having a stroke?"

"No. No I'm.. trying to tell you that… I like...utopian societies."

"Uh-huh. Jonah, seriously, are you okay?"

"I've never been better, because.. I like...unique food pairings."

"Great. Well, this has been an enlightening conversation." Amy threw the last of the pillows onto one of the top shelves, "But it looks like we are all done here. So I'm gonna leave you to contemplate .. unique food pairings...in private." And with that, Amy walked away.

"You. … I like you." Jonah finally whispered, alone with the pillows.

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It was end of the day, the store was already closed and most employees were out already. Amy headed to the break room to grab her things, at last she could head home. But when she entered she saw Jonah standing at the sink… lovely. She wanted to avoid anymore awkward conversations so she hoped she could sneak in and out without him even noticing, but then she noticed the blood on his hand.

"Hey- Jonah, you okay?"

Jonah turned around surprised to see her, "Uh, yeah. It's just a cut. I was cleaning up some broken glass that got knocked over earlier…"

"Oh Jonah, you know you are suppose to wear gloves when picking up broken glass."

"I.. yeah.. I know, I forgot.. Um.. distracted."

"Alright," Amy sighed and opened the cabinet with the first aid kit, "Let me see."

"Oh, no, Amy,.. it's fine.. Really."

"Let me see," Amy demanded, "We can't have employees getting infected wounds from workplace injuries."

"Fine," Jonah gave in and let her take his hand, which had a gash next to his thumb. He watched as Amy, in her no nonsense way, started to tend to it. Putting on disinfectant and a band aid. She was swift, confident and also,..gentle and soothing. It reminded Jonah that Amy was also a mother. And she had this whole other side to herself that no one in the store ever really saw. This caring, gentle side. He imagined her with Emma as a baby, she was probably a really sweet mom. He was so lost in these thoughts about Amy, he didn't realize that subconsciously he had started to gently rub his thumb against hers.. But then he felt Amy freeze.

"Uh, Jonah... " She took her hands away from his, "All done." And she turned quickly away from him to return the first aid kit.

Jonah felt a terrible sadness rise up in him, he couldn't help it, the next words came tumbling out of him, "I wouldn't have started dating her, if I knew."

Jonah felt an immense shame wash over him, he was a terrible boyfriend.

Amy turned to look at him after shutting the cabinet. "But you did," She stated simply, "And you are happy, right? Why does it matter?"

Jonah hesitated, he didn't have answers. Did he? He didn't know anymore.

"Please Jonah, let's just let the whole crush and kiss thing go. Just let it go. We don't need to talk about it anymore. We don't need to do this." She then grabbed her things and left.

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"We don't need to do this." Kelly was shaking her head as Jonah was stacking boxes.

"No, see this makes sense… I've alphabetize my belongings.. And-"

"No, Jonah… we don't need to do ..THIS." Kelly waved her hands around, "All of this."

"..Oh." Jonah paused and held his breath momentarily. "I.. I thought you wanted this."

"Sure.." Kelly shrugged, "I mean, of course. But… Well, I've been talking to my angels all week and they have made me see that this isn't your path and it's not mine either."

"Your… angels?" Jonah couldn't help respond skeptically.

"Yes, my angels. See? Jonah, we not on the same page here. You think I'm just this silly person, but this is my life too. I don't want to ruin it by letting you make a wrong decision."

"Wow, Kelly… that's mature." Jonah looked at the ground, why was everyone more mature than him lately.

"Also, you need to figure out your feelings for Amy, because that's so unresolved, it's this terrible weight on your shoulders. And I don't want to live with that as well."

"Y-Yes…" Jonah stuttered, "I'm beginning to realize that too…"

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Jonah was sitting on the floor putting his books back on his bookshelf. He wasn't moving in with Kelly. They'd spent an hour having a long conversation. Kelly was lovely. Sweet and supportive. In a way, he wished he could love her. For someone, she was the right person. That person would be lucky, but he realized that person was not him. And his person,.. His person was someone else.

I won't be happy if I'm always wondering...

Jonah knew what he needed to do. Grow balls, he must. But,.. could he?

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"Jonah, could you?"

"Wha-what?" Jonah realized he hadn't been listening.

"Could you please take care of 'go backs' today?" Amy was trying to hand him a shopping basket full of merchandise.

"Oh.. yeah" He meekly took it and then looked up at her, and then… "Kelly and I broke up." He blurted out.

"Ohh.." Amy looked very taken aback.

And then a louder gasp and "ooooh" rose up around him as he realized all the other employees standing nearby heard him as well. Jonah blushed, damnit, why was he always so awkward. The heckling immediately started from the others;

"Betcha wish you could 'go back' in time on that relationship, huh Jonah?!"

"Now you can 'go back' to crushing on Amy full time, Jonah!"

"No 'go-ing back' now, It's the Amy and Jonah express lane!"

"Eh, very funny guys…" Jonah took his basket of 'go backs' and tried to steal one last look at Amy but she was busy rolling her eyes at the others.

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"Erm,.. sorry about you and Kelly. Breakups are tough." Amy looked over at Jonah, they were in the back room re-organizing. It was the first time they'd been alone since Jonah's awkward announcement.

"Eh, thanks. I mean, it's not like a divorce.. That's tough. This.. this is just weird." Jonah responded flatly.

"Yeeah." Was all that Amy could think to say.

"It wasn't… right. Not because of you.. But-"

"Oh yeah, no!" Amy quickly interrupted, "Of course not, it wasn't because of me. I wouldn't ever assume that."

"Ye-Yeah. But, I mean.. It's not like you weren't a factor-"

"Oh. Well. I'm glad I could help contribute to breaking the heart of your very sweet girlfriend.." Amy sarcastically interrupted this time.

"Oh, no. It wasn't like that. I mean, it was going to happen anyways. And since it DID happen…" Jonah turned to her expectantly and tried to smile, but Amy was just glaring at him.

"And what? You want me as a second choice? If you can't have sweet Kelly, maybe Amy will do?" Amy was clearly angry now and throwing her hands up in the air.

"Ohh,.. no…I just mean.. I'm single, you are single..so the timing… and-" Jonah stumbled, this was NOT how he'd wanted this to go..

"Very romantic of you to consider me as a consolation prize, but you know what?! I think I'm good." Amy stormed out of the room, leaving behind a cloud of anger.

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"Die- die- die!" Amy was yelling angrily from her couch, killing orcs or whatever in her video game, for some reason it seemed really important she beat this level tonight. Then the doorbell rang.

Weird.

She wasn't expecting anyone, maybe it was someone selling something. She hoped they'd just go away, she peeked out the window - oh. It was Jonah.

Well, I definitely don't want what he's selling...

"What? Jonah?" Amy leaned on her open door, expectantly.

Jonah wiped his hands down his pant legs several times, "Uh, Hi. Yes, hello."

"Yes Hello, to you too." Amy replied rolling her eyes.

Jonah took a deep breath and started talking quickly, before Amy could get angry at him all over again.

"You.. you aren't my second choice. I.. I lied when I said my crush on you was in the past. It was never in the past, it's never… it's never gone away. I've had this..little crush on you since the day I met you. But you were married, so.. I tried not to. But that little crush wouldn't go away. Amy.. Amy it grew and.. grew. Every girl I've dated since the day I've met you, it didn't matter. The little crush was still there, and it grew. Even with Kelly. But,.. I. I never thought I had a chance with you. You kissed me, yes, but then you never talked about it. I figured it meant nothing to you. So I tried to not think about it. Dating Kelly was helpful with that.. I just thought that I was the annoying guy at work to you. And that was all I ever would be, to you. But, if there is just a chance. Even if just a small chance that you might consider me. I can't ever be happy if I'm always wondering, what if? So... Amy. You aren't my second choice. You are my first choice, and honestly, my only choice."

"Oh," Was all that came out of Amy in response.

"Um.. do I have a chance?" Jonah fidgeted on her front stoop.

Amy held her breath and looked at Jonah. He was the annoying guy at work. But at some point, he'd turned into something more. At some point, a crush turns into something more.

"Let's find out.." Amy responded and leaned forward and kissed Jonah before she could second guess herself. But the first time she'd kissed him, during the storm, she'd felt reckless and scared. This time, she felt brave and sure.

The kiss was awkward at first. Her feet stumbling as she moved closer to him. His hands shaking just a little as he wrapped them around her. But then finding their confidence as their lips came together and then their tongues. Gently at first. Pausing a little to catch their breath. Then moving closer and holding each other a little more intensely. And slowly melting into one. It was easy. It was simple. It was right. It was now.

"Amy," Jonah breathed after slowly pulling away from her.

"Hmm?"

"I really like you."

Amy smiled, "I know. I've always known."